playing for the other team (bxb)

[1] how to tick off a fragile southern boy

His body felt weak, as if he was a ragdoll that I was fully responsible for holding up. I don't know how a man so big and tall could feel so light and weak.

"What's going on?" I awkwardly asked him as he continued to sob.

He didn't answer the question--but that might be fair given the way that he was sobbing. I'm not sure that he would have been able to answer at that moment even if he wanted to.

So, I did all that I could do. I stood there frozen like an idiot while my best friend of so many years was having one of his most fragile moments exposed in front of me.

I felt as though I should say something more to him--perhaps attempt to get him to talk or try to comfort him. But neither of these options felt right when I didn't know what I was dealing with. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to deal with something that I didn't even understand.

So, I waited for him to speak instead.

With his head still practically buried into my chest, Jamie finally spoke up, mumbling, "You smell like shit."

I wanted to hit him right over the head for that being his first sentence after five minutes of non-stop sobbing. It wasn't my fault if he didn't like my scent after practice. After all, I didn't have time to change because of this whole situation-so if anyone was to blame for me smelling sweaty, it was Ostrowski and Ethan.

"Well, I kind of just came from practice, asshole," I replied-which definitely wasn't the proper way to talk to someone in Jamie's shoes.

Jamie let out a laugh at this before the crying got even worse again. "Everyone's going to hate me," He sobbed, "I fucked up. I really fucked up, Sam."

"No one's going to care that you got in a fight with them," I tried to console him, "I think that everyone has had at least had an argument with Ostrowski before. It's nothing new. And who cares what Ethan has to say?"

"You're going to hate me too," Jamie accused, completely ignoring what I had said to him. His words were confusing and he almost sounded manic as he spoke. He wasn't saying anything too crazy but for Jamie-such a laid-back and easy-going person-this was insane.

"You think that I'm going to hate you because of... because of Ostrowski and Ethan?" I questioned, "Are you listening to yourself?"

"You don't get it," Jamie said, finally separating from me, "You just don't get it, Sam."

"Then what's going on?"

"I can't talk about it," He stated and proceeded to debate with himself, saying, "No, but if I don't tell you, you'll find out from them. But I can't tell you. Shit. Shit. Fuck. I just... I can't tell you--no, but-"

I cut off what seemed to be manic rambling, "You're scaring me. Just tell me."

"I can't do it," He said as he wiped the tears from his face as he looked to me and said, "Sam, I don't know what I'm going to do." He said this last part as if I knew what was going on, when clearly, I didn't.

"Just... just tell me and I can help you. I can't do anything if you won't tell me what's going on."

"I made a mistake," Jamie vaguely said, "Ostrowski has this friend... and I... I... no, I can't tell you."

The fear sitting in my best friend's eyes in this moment scared me in a way that nothing else ever had. It was like looking into the eyes of someone that I didn't even know. The Jamie Wright that I knew wasn't vulnerable like this. This was a side of him that I was unable to comprehend.

Before this moment, I considered us to be so close that we knew everything about each other. I couldn't imagine that there could be something going on in Jamie's life that I of all people wouldn't know about.