Great Loss (a hotchniss story)

contemplate (hotch's POV)

"What is she doing? Why is she looking at me like that?"

"JJ, don't beat yourself down. She made her decision. And with your personal problems, you'll get through this. You're very strong." I reply back.

All of a sudden, she leans in and kisses me. And she pulls back.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have done that. Um, I think I should go. Thank you for the lunch. Come on Henry let's go." she says as she grabs Henry and walks out of the house.

"What the hell?"

Fast forward to 2 days later. It's my first day back at work. I walk into my office and settle in for the day. An hour later I hear a knock at my door. "Come in."

It's JJ. She walks in and closes the door. "Hotch, I really wanted to say that I'm sorry for what happened. You were just there and I was craving for someone." She stops. "I shouldn't have said that. Could we just forget that?"

"JJ, I'm flattered and I forgive you. But don't do that again. You're Emily's best friend. I can't do that to her," I say.

"I don't think I am her best friend anymore. And I know you will always love her," she spoke. "But you need to face reality, she's not going to come back anymore. If she wanted to, she would've already. It's been over a week. You need to move on." JJ went on, before walking out of the room.

As the team files in, I call them to the Round Table Room. They all sit in their seats and I begin talking. "I know that the last time we were in here, there were different emotions. But we know the facts now. Emily is gone and won't be back. Morgan and Reid, you can't be upset anymore. Penelope and JJ, don't beat yourself down. And Rossi, I'm glad you were the last one she talked to." Everyone looks up at me. "Face it. She's not coming back. We all need to move on, some how and some day. We can't change the past. Understand?" Everyone nods.

"Anyone need to say anything?" Reid raises his hand and I give him the floor. He starts talking.

"In my letter, Emily told me something that I needed to do. Specifically she said, 'Tell them Handsome. You shouldn't go through this alone.' And I'm taking her advice because I love her as my friend and she's the only one who figured it out. I'm in a room full of profilers but none of you knew. Only Emily. I bet that's why Interpol wanted her, she's amazing."

Morgan raises his eyebrows. "Reid, spit it out. What do you need to tell us?"

Reid sighs, "I have an addiction. To Dilaudid. And I can't stop. I need help."

Penelope gasps. "Reid why didn't you tell us?"

"I COULDN'T GARCIA. It's hard." Reid snaps. "I'm sorry."

"Since when Spence?" JJ asks.

He replies, "The case where I was kidnapped by Tobias Hankel. Where you saw me have a seizure."

Rossi asks, "Who is Tobias Hankel?"

I recall. "He was an unsub who had multiple personalities. He's dead now."

"And I was the reason why Reid was kidnapped. We went our separate ways trying to catch Tobias," JJ says.

Reid stays silent. I break the silence. "Is this the reason why you lashed out on me?" I gulp. "About Emily?"