Great Loss (a hotchniss story)

new start (emily's POV)

The interior is white and black, kind of like the exterior of the house. It's small but very spacious. One room, two bathrooms. Almost all of my things are here.

I slap my forehead. "Oh shit, I forgot. My big furniture isn't coming in until tomorrow." I mumble.

Elle heard me. "It's okay. You can come stay with me. I have an extra room."

We leave and I lock up the new place.

"New beginnings, Em. New beginnings."

I realize, "Wait could we stop somewhere? A pharmacy or anything like that?"

Elle looks at me weird but nods. We get to the pharmacy. I don't know where the tests are so I have to ask Elle. "Hey, do you know where the pregnancy tests are? I ask in a low voice.

Her eyes grow again and we get the pregnancy test. We pay and we get back in the car. The ride is silent until we get to the house.

We get there and it's very modern but old. It's a two story. "This is what Interpol got you?" I ask, staring in awe. Elle gets my suitcases.

"Nope, well kind of. I bought this myself, from the money I receive working with Interpol." she says, opening the door and turning on the lights. "The guest room is upstairs to the left. The other is mine. Make yourself at home."

She helps me drag my suitcase upstairs. I open up my room and it's very cozy. I even have my own bathroom. It's 8:00am. I take a shower and hop into pajamas. I walk downstairs and I smell food.

Elle's in the kitchen, cooking in her pajamas, her hair wet. "Hey, I made breakfast. Thought you were hungry," she smiles.

"Damn right, I might be eating for two now."

She sets plates on the dining table. And we both sit. We eat in silence before she starts talking.

"Can I call you Em?" I nod. "Okay I know, it's none of my buisness but what's up with the pregnancy test? I'm asking because you know Walker needs to know about this. He needs to limit your work if you are pregnant. And I'm considering us friends," she wondered. "And also, you were in the bathroom for way too long at Interpol."

I sigh. I needed to talk to someone about this. I start to tear up at the fact that I'm here now, thousands of miles away from my family.

Elle notices and grabs my hand. "Hey, don't cry. I'm sorry for asking. You okay?"

"Yeah, well no. It's just that a lot of stuff happened back home. And I really haven't told anyone about it," I sob, as I rub my stomach.

"I hope you see me as a new friend because I'll listen," she comforted.

I begin to talk about my life and the BAU, Hotch and our kiss, and us being together, my offer, him finding out about my decision, the arguments between Penelope, JJ, and I, the positive pregnancy test. And how I'm here in London, a couple weeks early.

"What the fuck Em? Hotch doesn't know about the baby? You never told him in the letter? And this has happened within 3 days? Damn, you're kinda living in a fantasy," Elle begins to slouch. We moved to the couch after eating because she was so interested in my story.

I nod and try to wipe away my tears. "Thank you Elle, I really needed this. Obviously, I couldn't talk about this with my best friends but I needed to let everything out." I scooch over to her and lean on her shoulder. "Don't be offended but I let you into my life pretty easily. I have lots of trust issues. But maybe I'm vulnerable right now because I'm a wreck."

She laughs and I laugh too. "Wait, the pregnancy test you got today, take it right now, and we'll know for sure if you're pregnant."

We both go upstairs and I take the pregnancy test with me into the bathroom. Elle's standing outside. A couple minutes later, I let Elle into the bathroom, as we wait for the results.

"If I am, I'm going to be happy. He/she has to live with the fact that its father isn't going to be in his life," I say, beginning to tear up.

Elle gives me a hug. "Hey, we don't worry until there's something to worry about." We hear beeps and we look at the test. It says POSITIVE.

"Well shit, looks like we have something to worry about," Elle complains, laughing.

I chuckle too. "What am I going to do? Am I a bad mother to keep my child away from her father? I can't handle being a single mother. Not like my mother." I tear up.

"Stop the f****** tears Em. Pull your s*** together. You got this. You won't be your mother, or maybe you will. She had this amazing daughter. And you will too, with your child." Elle exclaims. "I'm not letting you go through this alone. I'm going to be by your side."

I look up at her as I lean on the sink. "You will?" I squeaked.

She rolls her eyes. "Obviously. You told me so much about your life that I am now a part of. I'm basically your new best friend and like the second mom and cool aunt to your unborn child."

I laugh and sigh. "Maybe you are. But we have to answer this question. Will we let this baby know who his/her father is?"

Elle gets serious. "Em, that's your decision. I'll agree with whatever you want. You're the mother."

I think about my baby's future. My future. This is my new life. Living in London, working for Interpol.

"No, this baby won't learn who its father is." I declare.

Elle nods. "And will the father know that he has a baby with you."

I hesitate but I know my answer. "No, Hotch doesn't need to know. He doesn't have to know. I left everything behind the day I got onto the plane."

"Okay then, it's final." She comes up and hugs me again. "Let's celebrate!"

"With what?" I ask.

"Sleep, I'm so tired," she complains. "You need it too Mommy, a lot of it, especially in the future."

"Yes please," I agree. Elle walks out the room and waves. I wave back and I close the door. I close the blinds and hop into bed.

I stare at the ceiling. I think about my baby. Am I doing the right thing? A baby is in my stomach.

I can't sleep yet so I toss and turn. But I have an idea.

I look at my stomach, there's no visible bump yet. But I'll give it a try.

I start to talk to my stomach. "Hey little one. This is your mom talking. You may not hear me yet but you're stuck with me. Since you're in me for 9 months, I'll try to stop the cussing around me and I'll follow the rules when people are pregnant. Like not drinking wine. God I miss wine. Anyways, I wanted to say I'm sorry in advance. I'm not letting you meet your father or know who he is. I'm choosing to leave everything behind back home. What made me come here. It's just us, and Elle so far. I hope you know that everything I do is going to be for you and that if your daddy knew, he'd be so happy. I love you already." I conclude.

I turn to my side before closing my eyes.

"I'm a Mom."

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Author's Note:
hey angels! i wanted to first say thank you for over 300 reads! this makes me really happy. and it's official, Em's pregnant! for this story, im using characters like Stephen Walker and Elle Greenaway. obviously these two have never met in the show but i just wanted to switch the characters and their stories up a little bit. so please don't be mad if im saying false information, im doing it on purpose!
anyways how do u guys think Hotch is while Em's in London? after his little incident with the alcohol? and what about our baby Reid? you'll have to find out soon ;)