I just want to love someone.
I want to be excited to see them and hear about their day at work.
I want to have someone leaning over my shoulder and begging me to let them taste the food I'm making for us.
I want to laugh and push their sneaking fingers away from my cooling cupcakes on the counter.
I want to binge movies on Netflix with their head in my lap as I drag my fingers through their hair and they draw lines up my arm.
I want to kiss all over their face, their head, their neck, their hands, their soul.
I want to feel my breath catch when they grab me by my hips and drag me back into them while we're laughing.
I want to tell them how wonderful they are. How much seeing their face when we're home or anywhere makes me want to hold them.
I want to show them how precious they are.
I want to have children and see what features they got from each of us.
I want to know that when I can't hold myself up anymore that they'll be there to help me to my feet.
I want to be there to help them to their feet.
I want someone who'll mean so much to me that I'll put down my book just to smile at them.
I want someone to ask me what I'm reading and for them to get excited with me as I tell them.
I want someone to think I'm beautiful, even as I groan and roll off the bed flailing because the characters in the book I'm reading are being absolutely too cute or too stupid.
I need someone.
Someone who will call me on my bullshit.
Who will fight with me when I'm looking for a fight and kiss me when they eventually win.
I need someone to challenge me and not back down when I become a bitch about it.
I need someone who'll be just as much of an asshole back when the situation calls for it.
I also need someone who'll know when to fight me and when to let me be stubborn.
I also need them to be taller than me. So I can hop into their arms when they come home and kiss them stupid.
I fucking want.
I need.
But life isn't fair. Problem is?
I'm awkward. I can't hold conversation or eye contact with someone I don't know already. I either come on too strong or back out too quickly. I don't like pushy. I don't want someone to tell me what to do. I don't want to rely on anyone. I want to be alone. I don't like people in my personal space. I have an attitude problem. Can someone say daddy issues?
I'm a whole living contradiction. I love morning but hate waking up early. I love the outdoors but don't like to leave my house. I love schedules but can't keep to one. I love organizing but chaos is my home.
I hate people but I love sharing things with them. Like movies or books or food. I want their opinions on things that I like but god forbid they tell me what they think they know about me. I love talking and laughing but can't socialize to save my life
I like people to quickly then talk myself out of it.
I love love but am terrified by it.
I want someone to love.
But I'm unloveable.
