An Endless Battle

The Difficult Transition

Leaving the mental hospital was really hard. I was going back into the world that had betrayed me time and time again, not knowing what to expect. Maybe I would go into a newly loving world that understood my circumstances, but I could also be going into a world that would use my pain against me.

The day I was supposed to leave the hospital, I felt a lot of different emotions. I felt grateful to be alive, because if I hadn't been found I would have never seen any of my friends or family again. I felt afraid because I wasn't sure if I was ready to leave. What if I went back and still felt the same way..? I felt sad because I would be leaving new people behind. Even though we weren't allowed to make friends, I began to feel a bit attached to everyone I met. One girl even secretly gave me her email address while no one was looking.

I was nervous, and I was going to miss everyone, but I had hope for my future. When it was time for me to go, I gave everyone a side hug. I said goodbye, and went to the front office with the staff member to meet my dad. We had some final paperwork to get in order to make sure I had access to my new medication.

"We will start with a one month supply of Welbutrin. Once she runs out, her primary care doctor will need to refill it for her."

"Okay, sounds good."

Once that was done, we headed on our way and got something to eat. I told my dad about all I saw, all I did and all I learned. I was so happy to be going to home. Thankfully, I had the entire weekend to relax before school started up again. I was so nervous on how everyone would react to seeing me for the first time in two weeks. Would they ask questions? Would they be glad I was back? The uncertainty was unnerving.

When I got home, only one of my sisters gave me a huge hug. The other two just waved and said hi as if nothing had happened. It was a little disheartening, but not surprising. My parents probably just told my sisters that I was staying with my mom for a bit longer than normal because trying to explain the situation to them would only freak them out.

On Sunday, I got to see Levi, Allison, and Alicia for the first time in months. Levi was asking how I've been, what my experience was like, and if they put me on medication.

"It was really interesting in there! The kids said and did lots of crazy things, and they all have such different stories to tell. The security and the staff is super strict, and there are serious consequences for breaking the rules. Some kids didn't care about getting better, only getting out. I didn't understand their logic."

"Some people don't really like putting in the work, that's why."

I never understood why some people wouldn't work work; even for their own benefit. It never made sense. It's like refusing to get a reward.

Upon my arrival at school on Monday, I was really nervous. I was so glad to have all of my friends give me the biggest group hug of the century, and I was glad I was back. My friends followed me all around campus as I went to say hello to my teachers, who all had different reactions to my return. 

Mr Morales: "Jazmyn, you're back! Don't scare us like that.."

Mr. Ramirez: "Why hello, Jazmyn. It's been a while hasn't it? I'm glad you're back."

Mr. Ocken: "Jazmyn, have you been ditching my class? Nah, I'm just teasing! How are you, kiddo?"

Mr. Torrez: "Please don't ever do that again.. we were all so worried!"

Mr. Bennett: "If you ever feel like that again DO NOT leave campus. Come and find Ms. Padilla or myself and we will do everything we can to help you. I was terrified when I found out you were missing. You're a good kid, you need to give yourself more credit."

My friends also had a lot of different reactions when they found out I was missing. Nykhia was in absolute hysterics, Sandra struggled to hold herself together, Josie comforted everyone the best that she could, and Isaiah didn't say a word for the entire day. I was told that being in school wasn't the same without me, even when I was found and they knew I was safe. Everyone was still worried, and they missed me the entire time. I was told that once I was found, everyone slowly recovered and returned to their normal selves. Well.. except Isaiah. I was told that he hardly said a word the entire time I was gone, except for when he absolutely had to.

Lavontrae had a very strange reaction to my disappearance. He was the last person to see me before I left, and he barely tried to stop me. When I left, he didn't even chase me down. I was told that he went home shortly after that. My step mom actually managed to find his address, so she and my dad went to find answers. But all they got were lame excuses and a lot of "I don't know".

After finding this out, I ended my relationship with him. He was never good for me anyway. With everything in my head finally being sorted out, and my toxic relationship severed, I was glad it was all over. 

Or so I thought.