Deep in the bathtub

1

If I could shut them out I would. I would press mute on some dusty remote control somewhere and hopefully forget there was ever a time where it was on. Yeah, that would be sort of perfect. At least it would make a whole bunch of things so much easier. But, unfortunately, god forgot to ad that last function into his big creation. To be completely honest god was pretty sloppy creating it all. He forgot, or just skipped so many things, making it all close to a complete waste of time in the end. But who knows? Maybe this was the plan all along. To leave all the fun out of creation and then slowly but surely watching us grow up in misery and pain of eventually hating both each other and him. In that case maybe god do deserve some cred. Sadistic for sure, but still kinda dope thinking about it.

The poster covered door slams open as Amber walks into the room. Her unwelcome interruption makes the screaming morrons downstairs so much louder. She gives me a short smile before closing the door and falling back onto that messy 160 bed. The loud tunes from another depressed drug-addict takes back its control over the room as the aggressive voices downstairs go back to being nothing more than a distant mumble.

Some dust on the cd playing makes its presence known as the stereo skips two lines of the lyrics and goes straight into the chorus. Of course, it doesn't have to be dust, it could just as well be the 11 year old stereo starting to give up. Really it's probably too old to work as good as it does. So i guess in some ways I should be thanking god for that miracle at least.

I find amber through the cracks in my broken mirror, laying flat on her back, arms stretched above that crazy wild hair stuck on the top of her head. I wonder if I looked like that when I was her age. If my hair to looked like a hedgehogs resting place, or if my arms to where that skinny and pale.

"Where are you going?"

My gaze leaves hers in the reflection.

"Leave Amber."

Ambers curiosity quickly turns into disappointment. In another desperate attempt off communication she lets her lower lip pout as far as it can go meanwhile searching in the mirror for my attention in hope that I will for som miraculous reason decide to turn my attention back to her.

"Can I please come?"

At first I choose to ignore her request as I instead place my focus onto painting the remaining of my dark brown lashes black as to finish off the whole "hey I'm a depressed teenager who just so happens to like black to much" look. Instead of the words from an extremely desperate little-sister, a new song on the cd playing fills my ears. Music i so well recognize yet never seemed to care enough about to learn.

Outside the sun is long gone. Hitten behind some hill, safely swept under a big blanket of clouds without a single care in the world. For some reason the moon doesn't seem to care about her duties today either, because she is no where to be seen amongst her blending friends taking place upon the darkened sky. People like to assume that the sun is superior to the moon. That she bows to his light and appears from her slumber only in his wishes. But me, I have another theory.

"Hazel?"

Frustrated as she is, Amber sits up straight by the foot of the bed, eyes still locked on me. The striped pajama pants gets pulled up her cabs, revealing the pink dotted socks hiding underneath. Pauls way to large AC/DC t-shirt slides down the freckly shoulder as she tries to put some of that birds nest behind her ear. I observe that about her, before finally deciding to meet her pleading gaze.

"No"

Amber lets out a disappointed sound, though still somehow hopeful that I will change my mind.

"Please! Hazel you have to take me with you, come one please!"

Instead of listening I once again let her words slip right into one ear before slowly but surely letting it find its way out of the other. Why I'm so ignorant against Amber is a question I'm not sure I can even answer myself. There's no actual reason for me to, not even something as tiny as me just straight up finding her annoying to be around. To be completely honest, I would even go as far as saying Amber's actually a pretty descent sibling compared to what I could have gotten. But I still chose to shut her out. It's selfish, I know that. Because I know how she feels, and I know what she's going through. I've been there myself, and back then I would have wished for someone to be there. Even someone as horrible was me had been better. But still I chose to ones again ignore her pleading.