werifesteria [h.s]

thirteen

I went for a drive after Valerie left.

I had a lot to sort out, a lot of thinking through to be done. One of my many fears was being disorganized, and I feared that I had reached that stage.

I found myself peculiarly not wondering about the treehouse this time. Sure, I had my questions but I had since put them on hold. This time, my mind was on Valerie. I couldn't sort my feelings out for her, and neither could I understand how she felt about me.

I couldn't deny it, the way I felt about her was definitely becoming something more. But I couldn't let that happen. We were really close friends, and if I allow myself to like her, we might break what we have. And I can't lose her.

Maybe in her perspective, I was her big brother. I was that really awesome brother who cared for her and knew how to have fun. Maybe she considered me as a brother.

But that couldn't be. Would siblings look at each other in the eyes and feel such a tremendous emotion that couldn't be described with words? Would they somehow always coincidentally meet and would they nearly kiss? Will a brother want to love his sister more than anything in the world?

That was the desire I felt. The want to have her by my side. I want to be woken up by her giggling as she holds her camcorder to my face. I would pretend to sleep, then when she's close enough, I'd engulf her with my arms and start placing kisses all over face, then when we pull away, I'd see her black glasses and her hair bundled up, and she'd be in a huge shirt that she stole from me. I was definitely one for stereotypes.

I shook my head, resting it on my right fist with my left hand on the steering wheel. All these thoughts of 'yes' and 'I want it' and 'but you can't have her' and 'no's were driving me insane.

A brightly lit place came into view on the left side of the street. Pink, red, yellow and green neon light sticks illuminated from the place, almost lighting up the entire avenue. I realized it was a club. The Lighter's Fire, it was called.

Impulsively, I parked my car by the side and headed for the club. Instantly, I was met with loud, pounding music and flashing lights and the strong smell of liquor. A drunk lady was hung around a middle-aged man as they stumbled across me.

Wait, what am I doing? I shouldn't be here. I told myself. So I turned on my heel to leave, but a hand landed on my chest.

"Leaving so fast? You just walked through the door." A lady, probably in her twenties, said. Blonde ringlets spun down her face, framing her jaw perfectly. I admit, she was a sight. But I had no interest.

"Yeah, I walked through the wrong door."

She had a sly smile on her face as she laughed. "That can't be. No one ever mistakes a neon coloured disco club."

I reciprocated her laugh, but insincerely. "Right, well, I'm a first."

She took a step forward in her high heel, making me move backwards in order to prevent myself from clashing into her.

"Maybe it's a sign that you mistakenly walked through our door." The blonde lady taunts, her eyes wide with lust.

I tried to smile. "Yeah, maybe, but I'm going to leave now." I saw and brush past her. But of course, she grabs my wrist.

"What's the rush, hot stuff? Enjoy it when you can!" She cheered, and the club cheered with her. I frown, was she the owner of this place or what?

Before I could think of the answer, she yanked me to the bar and ordered shots.

"Here," she offered, holding a small glass in front of me.

I stared at the cup and decided if I should let go just for tonight.