Hate That I Love You

Chapter 18

We eventually pulled over when Rick honked his horn. We had pulled over alongside the road by an old dam. I quickly got off of Daryls bike so he wouldn't have to deal with me any longer. I was still feeling horrible about how I had acted back on the highway. I could feel he was stiff the whole time I was holding onto him. I tried not to hold too tight only enough to not fall off.

I walked over away from him and anyone else not wanting to be in the way. I had already caused problems I didn't want to cause any more. Rick and everyone gathered around to talk. It was starting to get dark and we were low on gas.

Daryl told Rick about finding Randall and how his neck was broken and he was a walker. Everyone was still confused about how that could be. Rick ended up looking over at me and sighed then nodded hid head for me to come over beside him.

"How is that possible he was a walker if he wasn't bitten?" Carol asked.

"We're all infected," Rick said.

"What?" Lori said.

"Jenner, he said we're all infected told me and Nik before we left," Rick said and looked at me.

Guess I was going to be causing even more problems now. I sighed and looked at everyone. "He said Whatever this is, everyone had it and no matter how you die you'll still turn unless of course your shot in the head right away. But bitten or not you die you turn. I couldn't wrap my head around it or how that could be possible. I didn't want to panic anyone because I was also doubtful of it until Daryl and Glenn found Randall," I said trying not to look at anyone in the eyes.

Everyone started bitching at us saying we had no right to keep that from the group. I just stepped back and away I wasn't a fan of being yelled at. Rick ended up walking away from the group. He said we would make camp there and in the morning go get gas to keep moving. Lori had gone after him and I stood there wishing the ground would swallow me. I could feel the anger and the glares everyone was giving me.

I could feel that panic rising again and I started feeling closed in. I looked over to see where Rick was I saw Lori pull away from him and look at him with disgust. That couldn't be good. Every time he walked towards her she walked back. So when she left I went over to see what was going on.

"Hey, what was that about?" I asked.

"I killed Shane," he said.

I looked at him with surprise "I'm sorry what?" I asked.

"He made the whole Randall thing up. He killed him then lored me out there so he could kill me. Said I can't protect this group or Carl and Lori or the baby. He wanted her to himself. So it was me or him. I stabbed him. Then Carl found us and Shane had turned and Carl put him down," Rick explained.

"Wow. Rick, I'm sorry. But hey, you did what you needed to do. Shane wouldn't have gotten us all killed," I told him.

Later that night we made camp in an old what looked to be a stone house. A small fire was built and everyone sat around it. Maggie, Glenn, Beth, and Hershel sat together. Carol sat beside Daryl, and Lori had Carl curled up between her legs. T Dog stood on top of the wall and kept watch and Rick stood on the other side of the fire looking at everyone.

As for me, I sat alone with my back against the wall away from everyone and the fire. I could still feel the hate and anger coming from everyone. I could hear the conversations saying they should leave they couldn't trust Rick. I heard Carol saying something about Shane and not trusting Rick then I heard Daryl tell her Rick wasn't the bad guy that he's done all right by him.

Rick ended up shiting everyone up after we heard a noise from somewhere in the dark. Told them if they wanted to go then go but this was a democracy anymore. Everyone shut up and tried to get some kind of sleep. I stayed aske all night huddled in on myself to keep myself warm. I could have gone over by the fire but I wasn't feeling all that welcoming.

"The hell ya doing over by ya self?" I heard a gruff voice.

I looked up to see Daryl standing over top of me. He had a hard look on his face she tight and eyes squinted at me. "Ya tryin ta get sick?" He growled.

"No. I'm fine. Just don't want to make anyone mad or be in the way," I said quietly.

"Yer being stupid. Yet just goin ta get sick and then slow us down," he hissed and walked away.

I felt the tears in my eyes start to fall. He was right if I got sick if only slow them down. I'm already slowing them down now by having these anxiety attacks. I had to figure out a way to either sneak off or hide my anxiety and act like nothing was wrong with me. I thought distancing myself from everyone would be the right thing to do. That way they didn't need to deal with me and my issues.

The next morning Glenn, Maggie, and Daryl all went off and got enough gas for the 2 cars and Daryls bike. Rick still insisted I stick with Daryl on his bike. I knew Daryl hated it but didn't argue with Rick. I was glad I had a hoodie under the light jacket I had riding on the back of the bike was chilly. But I didn't complain I sat there and kept my mouth shut.

Once night time started to come around we had found a small cabin to stay in. We had gotten lucky enough it had blankets and a few canned goods. I made sure to pick a corner and squeeze myself in it and sat up to sleep instead of taking up space. Daryl was on watch right now sitting outside on the front steps. Seeing as I couldn't sleep I walked outside.

He looked up when I shut the door and turned around again. "Sorry, I couldn't sleep. Thought I'd get some fresh air. I won't bother you I'll go stand over there for a few minutes and then I'll be out of your hair," I said walking down the steps passed him.

I had a blanket wrapped around my shoulders and walked to a tree where there was a small opening just enough to see the stars and part of the moon. I looked up at the sky and took a few deep breaths. I could feel Daryl staring at me.

"Great he probably thinks he needs to babysit me," I thought.

I calmed myself as much as I could and then headed back over to go back inside. "That was short," he said.

"Don't want you thinking you need to babysit me. Sorry if I bothered you," I said and walked back inside to my little tiny corner and sat down with my knees to my chest.