moving on

May 5, 2005

It was indeed a beautiful sunny day, perfect for a day at the beach, and that was the one thing she spoke about all morning which I personally thought was bizarre since she couldnt swim. She was still as beautiful as the day that I first saw her, and maybe thats why I had been blinded enough to have stayed with her this long. Her beautiful auburn hair, and rare golden hazelnut eyes, her curvaceous body almost like a slippery road minus the warning sign. She once asked me about my thoughts about her dying her hair, and I remembered almost starting a fight with her for wanting to ruin her perfection. To me, she was the definition of perfect. That day, I had decided to please her like I had done on many occasions before. I took her to the beach like she wanted and I remembered her perfect pearly teeth that gleamed back at me just as the sun hit her face, letting me know just how pleased she was. I was usually the type to look into every detail, like how she twirled her hair when she had something serious to talk about, when she bit her lips letting me know she felt uncomfortable, and even the slight twitch of her left eye when she was lying to me. She was the only thing that ever made me sway, but she also the only thing made me feel like I was someone of importance. In past days, she would take a day to get ready, but that day she finished almost suspiciously quick.

When we had reached the beach, she was so excited, dashing out of the door and quickly digging her perfectly manicured toes in the sand. Rushing into the only secluded part of the crowded beach instantly making things personal. We had laid down everything for a peaceful tan, and we sat down on our beach chairs, eyes closed and enjoying the moment. I closed my eyes to take in the feeling of the breeze brushing swiftly against my skin taking me away from everything. Then after thinking back to a distant unpleasant memory from my past, my eyes quickly shot open only to see her gone. It was at that time that the sun seemed to have vanished beyond the horizon inviting the murky bewitching hour to fall upon us.

In all honesty, I don't remember getting up to my feet and going to look for her, but I did. After what felt like forever only to find no trace of her, I started thinking that she had left me there and went home by herself. Yes, that made sense as there could possibly be no other reason as to why she would do such a careless, dare I say, dangerous thing. As I got ready to sit back down, I happened to look beyond the rocks that lined up near the edge of the beach property line, and saw the slightest movement of shadows almost as if someone was behind there. Hiding. It was a slow walk over there only to find the woman whom I believed to be perfect in the arms of another man.

They had yet to notice me and it didnt take me long to get out of eyesight. My breath caught in my throat as I thought over and over again on if my eyes had played a trick on me. The woman whom I saw myself spending the rest of my life with, the one who had looked me in the eyes and told me she loved me had been deceiving me all along. How foolish I was to think that she could possibly love someone like me, someone who's been damaged since birth. Feeling my heart being shattered into a million pieces, my mind twisted on so many different speculations. I could feel my whole body being engulfed by an ominous fog, gripping onto my hair as if my life depended on it while tears escaped my eyes forgetting all sentiment.

I could no longer hear anything happening around me, but I knew they were still there. I couldn't stop pulling viciously at my hair even though my scalp was sore and badly throbbing.

Cant see. Cant think. Cant breath.

Panic. Darkness.

Hes coming, his footsteps getting louder.

All I felt was anger, my anger and the dangers that came with it.

Then like a switch, it suddenly became silent as my tears dried out as if they were sucked back into the black hole that had replaced my once vibrant turquoise eyes. The banging in my head had ceased, and I could feel the darkness filling up my whole being as he was finally let in.