"There's No Way" (Aya Maruyama x Male Reader)

Chapter 6: "Depressing Summer Festival"

(Timeskip a few days later)

I haven't been acting like myself lately, everytime I'm alone, I would have an impulse, to end my life, right then and there, it might be due to that time where we went the beach, I have felt more angrier, shouting at Chika for no apparent reason at all, and I definitely felt moody as hell.

I looked at my hands as i tried to calm down, and relax.

'Let's not get mad at my caretaker at this point....' I said to myself.

I sighed as i got up and ate my breakfast that Chika prepared, it was awkward, none of us want to start the conversation, because I got mad at her some time ago.

'No taste, a bit boneless.' I said to myself as i forced myself to eat.

I looked at the calendar that Chika hanged up the wall, and today is a Summer Festival, Chika herself wrote that besides the date.

"Hey, Y/N." Chika said as i titled my head.

"You're gonna be going with Aya and the others, I kinda promised to spend the summer festival with my other classmates...." Chika said with a sad tone, though, she does make it obvious that she's lying.

"Go to the shrine at 8pm, they'll pick you up there." Chika said, as i nodded my head.

'What to do beforehand....' I said to myself as i wander what to do before i go to the shrine.

...

...

...

...

Here I am, lying in my bed, as it was nearly 8 PM, so i got up and put on my casual clothes, got my wallet, and walked slowly to the shrine, it was a bit quiet, just the way I like it, but i do miss Chika's energetic nature from time to time.

I was a bit tired as i had to climb up the stairway to the shrine, but I managed, it was one hell of a challenge for me, I took a deep breath and rested for a minute.

'Anyway, I should probably go meet them now.' I said to myself as I finally catched my breath and started walking until i saw familiar faces.

"Oh, hello Y/N!" Aya said as she waved at me, and soon enough I got closer to the group, all of them wearing yukatas, while I wore nothing but casual clothes.

'Wearing a yukata is a chore on it's own....' I said to myself as I was obviously was not in the right mood for a festival, I wanted to go home, and reflect.

Everyday, I have been growing more and more emotionally unstable, often self harming myself for the past few years, It probably triggered again when i saw my ex, as this was probably the most unstable I was at.

But, I would've probably ended my life a few years earlier if Chika wasn't there, so to get mad at her, I was mad at myself, I know she meant nothing wrong, but to hear those words, made me so angry and want to burst, It was painful.

And now, I'm forcing a friend of hers to accompany me, I know i just ruin the mood, so I want them to enjoy a good summer festival, I am probably gonna sneak my way home.

"Hey, Y/N!" A voice snapped me back to reality, it was Aya, I kinda feel bad to her, forcing me in their friend group just so i couldn't be alone.

"You've been spacing out so much recently, are you okay?" Aya asked me as she got closer to me.

"Yeah...." Is all i managed to blurt out, and I lied about my current situation.

"Let's catch up with all of them, shall we?" Aya asked me.

"Sure." I said as i grabbed her hand, mostly because I felt lost in this place.

"U-Umm.... Why are you holding my hand?" Aya said as she was blushing.

"My bad, but I don't want to get lost you know, I hate crowds..." I said to her my honest opinion.

"O-Okay, then I'll guide us there...." Aya said as she smiled, but still was blushing by the contact of our hands.

'It is rather soft to touch, and so fragile too...' I said to myself as Aya lead the way.

I saw a lot of crowds and of course, the games and food stall, wouldn't be summer festival without those after all.

'Though, the candy apple stall employee has changed, it wasn't the old man anymore, it's his grandson now huh....' I said as i paid my respect for the old man, the apple candy he sold was solid.

"Hey, Aya, can we stop here for a while?" I asked her as i pointed to the candy apple stall.

"Sure!" Aya exclaimed as she dragged me there.

"Hello, you two lovebirds, want a candy apple for two, these are great you know, I assure you!" The young man said, he looked like a college student.

"Y-Yeah, for two please, and no we are n-not lovebirds..." Aya shyly said.

"Alright, coming right up!" The young man said as he handed us the 2 candy apples.

"These look so good, Y/N, no wonder you wanted to buy here!" Aya said with a bright smile, as i just nodded along.

"That'll be 820 yen!" The young man exclaimed, as i got my wallet and paid for it.

"Sorry, my treat for inconveniencing you and your friends." I said to her.

"You didn't need to, but thanks!" She exclaimed yet again.

"Can you go ahead?, I'll catch up." I said, saying a lie so i can go home.

"Ummm... Okay, promise me to be there okay?" Aya asked me as i nodded, lying yet again.

She went ahead and catched up to her friends.

"Hey, sorry for your loss." I said to the young man, shocking him.

"Thanks, do you know my old man somehow?" The young man said.

"Yeah, I used to order his candy apples a lot, so i noticed..." I said in a sad tone.

"I see, if you are my old man's costumer, Hopefully it'll taste the same, I want to respect his stall after all, I couldn't abandon his dream and job, so I inherited it." He said in a professional and matured manner.

'He respects his family's wishes huh....' I said my mind was lightheaded by that, and i was reminded as to why I am in this city in the first place.

So they can be proud of me.

'But are they proud of me?, I..... I......' I said to myself, I was in the wrong mood again, and I was composing myself to not hyperventilate, I was feeling that impulse again, and it's stronger than ever.

"I'll be going now, see you." I lied as i went home, the young man noticed I was going the wrong way, but I didn't care enough.

Throughout my whole journey back, I was hyperventilating and was near to break, I didn't want to scream, I don't want anyone to hear my pain.

'I don't know why am i doing this anymore....' I said to myself as i was slowly walking.

I was also in tears as well, I was barely able to balance myself, but i managed to went up my dorm.

Hastily, I went to my bedroom, even forgetting to lock my door, but it didn't matter anymore.

My room was pretty high up, the 5th floor, to be more precise.

My whole room is a mess, It's a been few days since i cleaned this place, it was full trash, I've been too depressed to clean this place, I didn't want to, and it didn't felt neccessary.

I went to the balcony near my bedroom, I saw the sights below me, and reminded on how high I was.

I wiped my tears off, I was absolutely calm now.

"Man what a depressing summer festival, and life too, sorry for everything everyone......." I said as i climbed the balustrades, viewing the water below me, I smiled, for the final moment in my life.

------> To be continued ------>