Crybaby // Lil Peep

3. The funeral

MacDaddy Mama sent Peep a bunch of stuff he left at her house. This is how he greeted me at the door. God I love this man 😂💜😂💜😂💜

Tagged LilPeep, Katherynhollowoak

1,567,789 likes

Mac stands in front of the mirror, dressed in black ready for this funeral, even though they are in March it's a cold day. She slips on her Kates as she stares at herself , her belly not showing yet, Mac is completely ashamed of what she is about to do but there is no other way she can get through this day. Walking over to his underwear draw she takes a pill and hides another one in her purse for later. She can hear Gus calling her for the front door they are going to be late if they don't leave now. She takes a deep breath as the Xanax starts to calm her nerves down. She still has no idea what to say at her brothers funeral. Anything she says is a lie, anything she says is her being hypocritical. She comes walking down the stairs in her stilettos, a wednesday Addams dress and black blazer.

"I'm ready baby" she stands on the bottom step pouting at him not ready to do this at all. Gus looks so handsome in his suit. He picks her up she wraps her legs around his waist kissing him she nuzzles her face into his neck "baby I love you so much" she jumps down, straightening his tie before gently kissing him, she doesn't want to get red lipstick all over his face. In these stilettos she is closer to his height, going from 5"4 to 5"9.

"I love it when you wear these shoes. I can see your eyes all the time" he kisses her before taking her hand and leading her out the door. The car is waiting outside for them with the boys from the band waiting for them. Gus shields them from the paps with his suit jacket and they reach the car in one piece, without Mac reacting to them. The car journey is silent no one knowing what to say to each other.  As they reach the church. The boys from the band and couple of Mats childhood friends carry the coffin in. Mac freezes outside, not be able to move "baby you got this" he grabs her hand rubbing it for reassurance.

She looks up at him with big blue eyes filled with tears "did I kill him baby?"

"No boo you did not and do not think that" he kisses her, she takes a deep breath before walking into the church. Holding his hand right, scared if she lets go everything will disappear around her. She sits numb to everything around her, it's only because Gus judges when she realises it's her time to speak. She gets up with her half assed speech on a piece of paper.

"Hi everyone I'm Mac. Mats little brother. Yeah my parents were not very creative with names" everyone laughs at her lame attempt humour. She looks up at the crowd, her eyes fill with tears. She looks down at the speech and takes a deep breath. "I could read you what I wrote but let's be realistic it's would be hella fake. Y'all know the last 18 months Matthew was not the best person. He was my older brother, he was my protector, my bodyguard, my only supporter for years. But the last 18 months he was not my brother, he was not the Matthew we all know and love. It was not a secretive that we had been estranged for months, he had treated me and his family with disrespect for everything we had built. But regardless of all that he was my older brother. He was the one to teach me everything. I will always love you Matthew *she wipes away the tears* We had our ups and downs, I'm sorry you died alone and properly really scared. But I was always with you *she try's to wipe away the tears but they are coming too quickly*  we had so many good memories together but one that sticks in my mind was when I came home for the summer when I was 16. I went to a party and I came home really drunk at 7 am. I had lost my key and couldn't get in the house. My mom stuck her head out of the bedroom window watching me struggling to get in the house. My mom was far from impressed. I decided to sleep in the car which for some reason was unlocked *everyone laughs* Mat had heard the argument and he decided we were going on a trip. I woke up to use being like an hour from Tenby, Wales. There was a bag with sweats, my Jordan's. Some other clothes and makeup. I sat in the back of the car getting ready. We didn't say anything. But he knew I need cool off before heading back to the house and my favourite place in the entire world is by the ocean and more specifically Tenby. It's my happy place. We spent the day chilling by the sea. You think this in July so it would be hot. Nah. It was freezing cold and I think rained at some point *everyone laughs* but for like hour it was sparkling sunshine and we sat on the harbour wall watching the sea come in eating fish and chips. He never pressured me to talk about what had happened, or what I did at the party. He waited for me to talk. For the first time since coming home I was treated like adult with respect for my own actions. For that I'll be grateful. I love you Mat and I miss you so much but you were a fucking dickhead" everyone laughs thinking she is joking but only a few know the seriousness behind it. "You made your decision. Sleep with it" she whispers under her breath as she heads back to Gus. Oli stands up and hugs her before sits on the other side him cuddling up to him. "I love you" she looks up at him kissing him with all her strength. Need him to know how much she needs him.