Breathe Again

19: Life is Sad and So Are We

"I'm so sorry Gid," he keeps repeating, over and over again.

"Isaac." Isaac hears a voice say quietly. For a second he wonders if ghosts could possibly be real, if this is somehow Gideon speaking to him beyond the grave, returned to tell Isaac what a shit brother he's been for the past few years.

"Isaac" the voice says again.

Isaac recognises its familiarity and turns to see Liam.

"What are you doing here?"

"I went for a walk and uh, happened to pass by. You looked like you could need some company."

"I asked you to let me do this on my own," Isaac says.

"You don't look like you should be doing this on your own."

"How do you know what I should be doing."

"Isaac I'm just trying to help."

"I don't need your help."

"Fine," Liam says. Then, after a brief pause, "but I'm going to just sit down here next to you while I wait. Just you know, in case you need a friend."

Isaac finds himself consumed by the urge to lash out at Liam but he knows that that's not really what he wants to do. He feels so vulnerable now, and he hates that Liam is here to see it. Isaac has kept his past and his present so separate, up until now. He notices the moment Liam realises what grave he's at, when Liam clears his throat uncomfortably and rests a gentle hand on Isaac's arm.

"Please don't say anything Liam," Isaac begs.

"Of course."

Isaac continues tearing at the overgrowth, pulling out weed after weed and before long Liam starts to join him. The two of them working together until the grave is pretty much cleared. Isaac still feels like he should have brought flowers or something to decorate the grave with, but he supposes that something is better than nothing.

"Are you okay?" Liam asks.

He must know that the answer is no, Isaac can feel the sobs wracking his body, he is overwhelmed with all the emotions returning. He wishes Liam wasn't here to see him like this.

Liam doesn't wait for Isaac to answer, which is lucky as Isaac doesn't think he could. And simply pulls Isaac in close and wraps his arm around him. He doesn't say anything else, just holds Isaac tight and rubs comforting circle into his back.

"Thanks," Isaac manages to choke out eventually.

"You have no need to thank me Isaac. I'm just being a friend."

"I told you not to come."

"It's just a happy coincidence Isaac, but you shouldn't have to come here on your own."

"I didn't want you to see me crying."

"Isaac I've seen you cry before, I think I can handle it."

Somehow Isaac finds a smile gracing his face, his head pressed into Liam's chest, sobs slowly quieting and his shoulders beginning to still. Slowly, slowly, he pulls away from Liam.

"Oh no," Isaac says, "I might have ruined your shirt."

"I think this is a shirt I don't mind being ruined."

Liam shoots Isaac a nervous smile, and Isaac is relieved to find that he is as lost at how to handle this situation as Isaac is.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Liam asks.

"We can if you want to."

"I don't care what I want to do, I'm asking you what you want."

"I'm not sure," Isaac says quietly.