Diary of a Rockstar

Chapter 7

Chapter 7; I promise, I swear::

She kept trusting him.  There wasn't anything else left for her to do.  Her mother, who she'd told she was staying in Evansville with Emily, had found out from Emily, who thought she was in Rochester with her mother, that Mike had come to visit her.  And then a phone call of endless ranting and criticisms had ensued.  So, Mike had taken her to the restaurant where they now sat and tried to take her mind away from the pain of hearing her mother tell her how stupid she was. 

She stared at her empty lap beneath the beige tabletop.  She heard Mike and felt bad, figuring that he was getting sick of seeing the top of her head.  She looked up slowly and folded her arms in front of her, leaning on the table.  She licked her lips and then swallowed hard, looking around the dining area at all the other people.  So happy with their lives, happy with themselves.  Mike took a deep breath and she glanced back at him.

"I don't know how you got it through security at the airport. But I want whatever it is that you used to cut your hand again."  She glanced down at a fresh wound on the back of her left hand, which sat next to the almost healed one from the week before.  She opened her mouth to say something, still eyeing the back of her hand.

"And before you start to fight me. I just want you to know..."  She glanced upward, biting her bottom lip.

"There isn't anything in this world that is worth defacing yourself. Nothing justifies tearing yourself apart."  She leaned back in her seat.

"So, when I drop you off tonight, you're handing over whatever it was."  She stared at her lap again and then nodded.

"I know there's a lot wrong." She looked at him sadly.  "And I want to make it better so bad.  But I can't help you unless you want to help yourself."

"I want to be okay." A waiter came out of no where and set two plates down in front of them.  Mike smiled a small grin up at him and then watched him walk away.  Jade picked up her fork and started to poke at her chicken.  Mike left his food untouched.

"Are you ready to talk about it? Or do you want to wait?"  She looked at him, pursing her lips.

"Talk about what?" She shoved a small spoonful of potatoes into her mouth.

"That first night. You told me that you'd told me what was going on inside your head, but not what was going on around you to make you feel those things."  She nodded.

"So, are you ready to talk about those things?" She looked back down at her food, shoving it around on her plate.

"I don't know."  Mike nodded.

"Just start small. I don't need to know it all right now."  She sat quietly for a few more moments, not sure where to start or what to tell him.  Mike watched her for a minute before grabbing his fork, apparently deciding to give her time a space to say what she wanted to say.  Jade took a few more bites of her food, swallowing them with difficulty and then took a deep breath.  Mike looked up at her expectantly.

"I..." She paused for a moment, thinking.  Mike chewed slowly.

"I grew up the youngest of three kids. They say I was always everyones baby, but I guess something better must have come along."

"Why's that?"

"I'm not really sure. When I started school, I got picked on a lot.  But it wasn't really normal school bullying.  It was 400 kids against 1."

"I was beat up a lot. Called names, knocked down, kicked around." 

"Why didn't you tell anyone?"  She shook her head, letting a small smirk grace her lips as she stared at her plate.

"I did, but no one ever did anything because they thought it was normal.  'It's all part of growing up!' If it had been them, though. But," she took a deep breath, sitting back, "I learned to ignore it and they eventually left me alone." She grabbed her fork and started picking at her food again.  She wanted to say more but wasn't sure she was ready.  She didn't know how to explain everything to him anyway. 

"You don't have to tell me anything you don't want. Let's just forget about it for now. Don't worry about it for right now."  She nodded, taking a deep breath, and took a huge hunk from her chicken. 

~*~

Jade walked into her hotel room, followed closely by Mike.  He stood in the doorway, staring at her. She licked her lips and then rolled her eyes, not particularly wanting him to see her hiding place, and walked over to the dresser anyway.  She bent and jerked the bottom drawer open, throwing aside a bloody wash cloth, and then lifted a steak knife from its resting spot.  She looked at it for a moment before making her way back across the room and handing it to him.  He watched her eyes.

"Do you promise me this is everything?" She nodded.

"Jade." He looked at her seriously.  She blinked a few times and then looked at the floor.

"I promise." She felt ashamed of herself then, for cutting herself when she was supposed to be letting him protect her.  She lifted her right hand to her left forearm, rubbing her palm lightly over the tanned skin there, staring at the floor.  She hoped they were done for the night.  She just wanted to take a shower and cry herself to sleep.  She could already feel the tears welling up in her eyes.

"Are you going to be okay?" She nodded at the floor, not wanting to lift her stinging eyes to look at him. 

"Look at me." She bit the inside of her lip and rolled her eyes, looking up at him.  A tear broke free from her left eye and made a short journey down her cheek.  Mike drew in a quick, fast breath and then reached forward, jerking her toward him.  He wrapped his arms around her, smashing her face into his chest.  She squeezed her eyes shut and let a string of tears and a sob break free.  She lifted her hands and balled her fists into the front of his shirt, burying her face into them as best she could.  She moaned into the backs of her hands.

"Shh. It's okay."  He rubbed her back in soothing circles, doing his best to calm her.  She gasped loudly and groaned.  His hand landed on her shoulder and he held her a bit closer.

"God, what happened to you? I swear, it's going to be okay."  She took a deep breath and started to calm a bit, encased between his arms and chest.  Mike released his death grip on her and then pulled her over to her bed where he pushed her into the sitting position, forced her to take off her shoes, and then tucked her in like a baby.  He turned out the light.

"Please don't leave me." She hiccupped quietly.  He knelt down on the floor beside her and put his face close to hers.

"I promise you I will still be here tomorrow. And the day after that.  And then the day after that."  His voice grew quieter.

"I will not go away."  Her eyes drifted closed slowly and her breathing became even and shallow.

"I swear." She felt something brush her forehead and then she drifted off into a sleep so deep, she couldn't see herself coming out of it for a long time.