HOPE

chapter 5 pt 2

      Oh god I'm gonna have to go in there. I really don't want to, can't stand out here all night though..
     I finally started walking up to my house after like 5 minutes of just standing there. I was shaking, trembling, so freaking scared. For the first time in my life, I was scare for my LIFE. I literally thought she was going to kill me.

     I opened the door and I immediately saw trash everywhere, the coffee table was broke, our t.v was knocked over on the ground. It was crazy. What was happening? What's wrong with her? Most of the noise was coming from the kitchen, so I started hesitantly walking towards there.

      When I got there, I saw something straight out of a sycho movie scene. There she was, throwing the biggest temper tantrum of all time. She was breaking all of our dishes, screaming, knocking everything off the counters.

      "AAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHH!!!!!" She yelled, throwing another plate, smashing it all over the floor.

     "Um.... Mom?" I shakily said. She turned when I said her name and I instantly knew I was in trouble. I knew because she had that same evil look in her eyes, but now it was ten times more evil. Almost like a demon literally took control of her body. I almost peed my pants.

     "W-whats w-wro-wrong?" I asked, trying so hard to form a sentence.

     "What's wrong? What's wrong!? WHATS WRONG!? YOU! YOUR WHATS WRONG!! YOUR A MISTAKE! NOBODY WANTS YOU!! ALL YOU DO IS SCREW UP PEOPLE'S LIVES!! ESPECIALLY MINE!! YOU WANNA KNOW WHATS WRONG!? I GOT FIRED TODAY ALAINA! FIRED!! BECAUSE OF YOU! I GOT FIRED BECAUSE THEY SAY I DRINK TO MUCH. WELL GUESS WHAT!? I DRINK BECAUSE I HATE COMING HOME AND HAVING TO TAKE CARE OF YOU!! I HATE YOU!!!!!"

     After she said that, that was it. I couldn't stop them. I start crying, the tears kept coming down. They wouldn't stop. Before I could think, I blurted out,

     "WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU! WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO MUCH!?? 

IT WASNT MY FAULT DAD KILLED HIMSELF! YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT!? HE PROBABLY DID IT BECAUSE HE COULDNT STAND YOU! THAT MAKES TWO OF US!!"

     I instantly regretted saying that. I was really gonna get it now. She started walking towards me. That evil look even more intensified. I started walking backwards. She kept backing me up until I hit the wall. I was cornered.

      She grabbed me by the hair and slapped me across my face, really hard. Then she drug me back in the tile floor and slammed my head against the counter. I screamed at the top of my lungs and she slapped me again as if to tell me to shut up.

     Then she trew me on the ground. I landed on my head and that's when everything started getting blurry. I couldn't even scream anymore. It was so unbearably painful. She got on top of me and put her hands around my neck. She started strangling me, her hands getting tighter and tighter around my neck. I was positive she wouldn't stop, that is how I was going to die. I started seeing black dots.  I started saying my goodbyes.

      Goodbye all my friends. The only people who ever made me feel some sort of happiness. Fantasia, my best friend. I love you soooo much. Never forget me. I love all of you guys. Please don't be too sad about me.... Daddy. I'm coming daddy. I'm gonna get to see you! I love you.
       Right when I was going to give in, give into death, plunge into the darkness, something changed. I saw something in her eyes. It was tiny, but I saw it. It was almost as if she was regretting what she was doing. That she wanted to stop. So she did. The hands left my neck. I could breathe. She snapped out of it though and leaned down to whisper in my ear,

   "It was your fault, it will always be your fault." She got off of me and exited the house. She left me on floor, and just left.

     You know when people always tell you in those self help books and in movies it'll get better? Hang in there, it'll get better. Well, I'm starting to think it doesn't. I don't think it'll ever get better for me, and if it does, when? When will it get better? When will my nightmare end? All I can do is hope, hope that it will end one day. Hope that someone rescues me from this swirling vortex of a black hole that is my life. Hope that one day, just maybe.... I can start living dreams instead of nightmares. All I can do is hope, but I'm starting to  loose even that.