SMILE ✔︎

J O U R N A L

I swallow, looking up at him through my eyelashes and smirking, "Well did you take into consideration that I don't wanna be a fuck girl, Jewwly? Because you told me you didn't want to hear how I felt and I'm trying to stick to that but when you kiss me my feelings all come up like a volcano. So if I don't talk while your hand is on my hip and you're standing there being all perfect right next to me maybe just know it's because you're too amazing and I'm trying to restrict myself to not lose you."

He swallows, "It's not the fact that I don't want you to love me, it's just I don't want us to break each other's hearts cause you mean too much to me and as soon as you turn eighteen I want you back here, but if we can't do that or if it won't work or something I'll lose you after falling so fucking hard."

"Then maybe you need to stop kissing me!"

"What if I can't?"

"Just try... because I can't take this anymore. I want to tell you how I feel so bad. Royce... you're so sweet and amazing and perfect and god you're so damn beautiful... you're so pretty. But I can't kiss you. I can hold you and everything and pretend we're normal but if you kiss me I feel like exploding."

"But... but what if whenever I see you I wanna kiss you."

"Then squeeze my hand or kiss my temple or something when you wanna kiss me..." I propose.

He swallows.

"Can I please just kiss you one more time first..." he mumbles.

I smile, leaning in and kissing his lips again.

I love you....

He slips his hand from my jaw and holds my hand as we continue walking after our last kiss. "You're not escaping me though, Kelca..." he mumbles.

"I never wanted to."

We ended up sneaking in through my window.

It wasn't that hard considering we basically have a step of cement that we stood on to get up there.... but Royce still hoisted me up on his shoulders.

"Royce..." I mumble.

"Yes?" He asks groggily as he leans against my now closed window. His legs were crossed in front of him and he smirked at me sweetly.

I swallow.

"Well... well first I have got to change of course... but... you'll stay with me right? Just until I fall asleep?" I ask.

He smiles, walking over and wrapping his arms around me. "I wouldn't even imagine leaving.."

I smile and he leans in and pushes his lips against my left temple.

And though he chose to let Koa sleep in his bed, this time he chose me.

God his bed was super comfortable though...

"Turn around okay, Royce?" I ask, and I see his figure nod as he backs away from me.

It was too late and dark to see anything but figures, but I still don't want him to see me changing. So I go next to my door and turn my back to him, watching over my shoulder as he stares out the window.

I take off my pants and my shirt, and pull a baggy T-shirt over them before taking my bra off underneath my shirt.

I turned around finally, and watch his head quickly move a little. I mean, even if he was looking all he saw was my figure, but it's a confidence boost knowing he tried to look....

I watch as he takes off his shoes and his shirt and is left in his boxers, "if I have to stay here for a second I'm gonna be comfortable while doing it." He jokes, bringing his arms out in a 'hug me' motion.