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GEORGE sat in his car in silence. "stupid nightclub" he frowned awaiting for the time of his disappearance from home. '8:50pm' flashed, catching his eye. he was already refraining from going, he was late anyway.
it's not that george hated parties. it was more of the discomfort he tried to avoid. he didn't want to interact with anyone due to the feeling of rejection, expectations and reality. but there was one thing george never admitted.
he was afraid of himself.
it's one thing to be intimidated by emotion, but it's another to feel too much emotion. he didn't know how to handle the sensation. sadness for him felt like an animal ripping out his heart and tearing it into pieces. happiness felt like a stimulation. he constantly wants more and more of it, that's what everyone wants right? but he revolves around wanting happiness, and forgets about how to actually gain happiness for himself.
an over thinker. that's what takes the capacity of his brain normally. the amount of overthinking he does. he doesn't trust himself with the thoughts and feelings in his head. he's scared that it would lead him into a bad place.
love. love is the soil foundation of emotions, you do everything out of love right? love induces happiness, fear, exhilaration, content, anger, resentment, loss.
loss. he didn't want to lose anyone due to his own doings, and the last thing he wanted was to hurt anyone. how could he love someone else if he doesn't even know how to handle love for himself? he wanted to refrain from any compassion, and has hidden away.
he wanted a picture to be painted, but didn't know how to paint it for himself.
"today we're going to talk about boys and girls." the young teacher of the fourth grade class spoke as she sat on a chair, levelling on higher than the school children who were on the ground.
"what are girly things?" she asked. the classes fell silent to think, but as expected hands started rising up.
"pink!" "princesses!" "makeup!" "dresses!" the whole class joined in the discussion, making george feel uneasy. "okay.. now what are boy things?" hands raised up instantly as kids called their ideas. "sport!" "gaming!" "loud!" "blue!"
after the class calmed down, the teacher asked another question. "what are things boys and girls have?".
it got quiet. it was almost like the world didn't have answer for this question. what were the similarities between boys and girls?
