Dimidium - Marvel Studios [7]

thirty-nine.

March 2019

I lay on my side, facing the window as I watched the stars shine in the clear night sky, the small crack in the shutters meaning I could fall asleep looking at the calm of the night. Steve's arm was lounging over my pillow, resting under my neck and his other arm holding my waist, the warm feeling of his breath hitting my bare shoulder. My chest rose and fell gently, my mouth slightly open as I blinked a few times, trying to figure out if I was going to actually fall asleep any time soon. The sound of Steve's breathing mingled with mines, but I couldn't determine whether or not he was actually asleep yet.

I lifted my free hand as I set it in Steve's hand which was resting on my pillow, interlacing our fingers as he repositioned his hand for me. We lay like that for a moment, Steve squeezing my hand gently as I returned with a gently pulse, that small gesture telling me that he wasn't asleep yet. "You okay?" he asked me, his raspy voice cutting through the silence as I let out a small sigh. He moved closer to me, setting his forehead on the nape of my neck, his breath warming up my skin. "Can't sleep" I replied quietly, rubbing my lips together as he moved his thumb that was resting on my waist up and down comfortingly.

"Why?" he asked me as I took a moment, the silence falling over the room like a blanket once again. "I don't know" I replied, my voice cracking as I cleared my throat, moving my eyes from the window as I stared at the dark room. "It's been a year now" Steve said, making me close my mouth slowly, not needing to ask what he was talking about. I held my breath for a moment, letting my eyes fall closed as I counted to ten in my head gently. I opened my eyes at I let out a deep breath, taking my hand from Steve's as I turned around, turning to face him. We were lying close to each other, my eyes staring into his as I put my hand under my head to support it on the pillow. 

Neither of us felt the need to say anything as we stared at each other, his arm still lounging on my waist as he used his finger to draw circles into my side gently, which I knew he found therapeutic. "Really?" I asked finally, knowing that I would need to say something eventually or we would be staring at each other under sunrise. Steve shifted into his pillow, moving his head up as he moved his arm out from under my neck, making me lift my head. "Next Thursday" he told me, making me nod my head gently, knowing that the marker that told us it had been a full 365 day's was going to come eventually, but it didn't seem right that it was so soon. "I've been counting" Steve added as I stared at him, trying to crack a small understanding smile, which just came out as a twitch.

"That's alright" I said to him, cracking a small comforting smile, knowing that he probably didn't even know he was doing it. We all seemed to be coping in different ways, my mind wanting to do as much as possible to try to forget it ever happened, which was not easy at all. "This is it now, isn't it?" I asked him, losing my smile as I stared at his blue eyes, finding them calming as I let out a deep breath. "It'll get easier" he said to me after a moment, his voice sounding hopeful, which it always did, but it seemed extra applicable in this situation.

"It has since last year" he added, a small nod of his head as I bit on my bottom lip. He was right, it wasn't as painful as it was 12 months ago. The aching feeling still sat at the bottom of my stomach, but there wasn't anything left for me to do, and I had to come to terms with that. "I miss him" I said as I closed my eyes, worried that they would tear up now. Steve let out a sigh, knowing exactly who I was talking about even without having to say Bucky's name. "Me too" Steve said as he extended his hand, resting it on my cheek as his thumb swept back and forth over my cheek, the warmth from his skin spreading through out my body.

I lifted my own hand, placing it on top of his for a moment as we stared at each other, taking in the silence as I looked down. There was moments where i found myself longing for the moments the three of us had spent together during the war. Maybe not the whole espionage lying thing, but the nights and early moments we spent drinking in the pub with the rest of the team, the hours we spent attempting to plan a mission which was primarily everyone laughing and joking about while Steve actually did the planning. 

"Try get some sleep" Steve said to me as I looked back up at him, my hand moving from on top of his as he pushed my hair behind my ear. "Yes, mother" I said jokingly with a smile and a roll of my eyes, Steve letting out a small laugh as he retracted his hand, a small smirk resting on his face. "Goodnight" I said to him as he set his hand under his face, resting his cheek against it. "Night" I said to him as I let out a sigh, rolling over onto my back as I stared up at the ceiling, rubbing my forehead with my hand. I lay like that for a moment, my eyes resting closed as I felt Steve's eyes on the side of my face, making me crack open an eye as I turned to look at him.

"Are you just going to stare at me?" I whispered, seeing him just looking over at me in the same position. "Yeah" he replied with a smirk, nodding his head slightly as I raised an eyebrow at him. "Okay then" I whispered back, deciding to roll over completely as I faced away from him, making him laugh as I felt the bed shift, Steve's arm finding its way back over my waist as I let my eyes drift close.

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A/N: sorry for not updating I so long but here's another chapter which i'm hoping made up for it
nice again just another boring game chapter but I kinda like it, I obviously love writing Stally chapters so I hope you enjoy reading it just as much!
please do not forget to vote and comment and I will see you again soon