Lost in Thought -Sneak Peak-

-Prologue-

I'm the kind of person that drowns herself by reading books all day. I can't put down a book if I've already started reading it.

I can't quite explain what love is to me. I have different perspectives about the subject matter.

I'm bittersweet when it comes to love.

I'm kind of bitter because no guy ever seems to like me. And if they do, it's only as a friend.

It's not such a bad thing because I don't want to have my first boyfriend yet.

It's like I do want it, but then again I don't.

I'm not stupid enough to believe that our first love will last forever. That's why they say there's no such thing as forever, right?

But despite all the things I know and truly believe, my books tell me otherwise.

Sometimes, I don't want to live in the real world anymore. I just want to get sucked in one of my favourite romance books and immediately get my happily ever after. But sadly, the world doesn't work that way.

Because if life handed you everything, it wouldn't be called living anymore.

Like my mom always tells me, I shouldn't believe in fairytales because they're all jus a bunch of lies.  Even disney princesses have their own dark origins.

I know that, I've always had. But, I'm still hoping that I'll have my own fairytale ending at the right time.

Another thing that makes me bitter about love is because I find it unfair.

Sometimes I feel like a bridge. Connecting two people from other sides of my friendship circle. Even if I kinda like the guy, he just talks to me if it's about one of my girlfriends.

That horrible feeling where you feel that no guy is ever going to like you.

Some girls have it easy, they don't even need to exert effort to make the guy like them.

It's like any guy they want, they can just get with a simple snap of their fingers.

Is it wrong that I want what they have? 

To experience, just for once, what it feels like to be in love?

I always ask people who have experienced being in love about what it feels like. How will you know if you're in love? How does having a crush and being in love differ?

They all just have one answer. Always.

The answer that I always think about.

I know it's an answer but it doesn't really answer my question. It's more of a response.

"You won't know it, you'll just feel it. In your mind and in your heart."

How does that even make sense? 

I think that asking someone how it feels like to be in love is like asking someone what heaven looks like. 

They'll answer your question but, it makes no sense to you because you've never felt it happen, just as you've never seen what heaven looks like.

Sometimes, I just want to live in my own little perfect world.

I want to imagine what it feels like to get what you want without even asking for it. To love someone and know that he'll never hurt you. Sleep soundly every night knowing that another perfect day is going to arrive and finally feel like you belong.

I just want to close my eyes and let myself get lost in thought every single day of my life.