Trust me, Kitty

Epilogue

Kathryn

... this is the pre-boarding announcement for flight 63A to Sydney. We are now inviting those passengers with small children...

Dad sighed. "Why can't you still be a small child so that we could get into the plane now?"

I looked at him. I had no idea if he was being serious or not but it felt more likely he was just joking. After all, we were just about to end up sitting in that plane for, like, 15 hours. I couldn't really see any reason to want to get in there among the first passengers and thus lengthen the time spent sitting in that plane.

Dad and I were traveling to Sydney on a non-stop flight even though it would've been much cheaper to travel by a flight that included a layover somewhere. But I didn't really mind. I wasn't the one paying, besides, the sooner I got far away from LA, the better.

"Just look at those little kids," Dad said, sighing again. He was staring at the families that were currently getting onboard. "Why can't you still be like them?" He was sounding very nostalgic.

I still hadn't told him what had happened that night when I had come crying home from Lyla's party. That night when I had found out about Mikey's betrayal. I wondered if Dad was still worried. Maybe that was the reason he was wishing for me to still be a young kid.

Maybe he was sad about how distant we were. Maybe he would've wanted to start all over again. To be more involved in my life. Perhaps he was worried about what would happen when I'd turn eighteen. When I'd no longer be tied to him as a minor. Maybe he feared he'd lose me.

I sighed, too. In a way it would've been a lot easier to still be a child. Then none of this would ever have happened. Then I could start all over again. But, on the other hand, being a young kid would make me even more dependent on Dad than I now was. And I didn't want to depend on anyone.

Never. Ever. Again.

I glanced out of the airport window, at all the planes taking off and landing. It was now approximately a month since everything there had been between me and Mikey had fallen apart, collapsing like a house of cards. I hadn't heard of him ever since we had met at the café the day after Lyla's party. The day I had eventually decided to meet with him after contemplating for a while whether to go or not. Eventually my curiosity had gotten the best of me and I had agreed to meet him. Though I had first promised myself that I wouldn't fall for his tears, that I wouldn't believe his excuses. I had just wanted to know about Ed.

After having got answers to the questions I'd still had I had cut all ties with him. We hadn't had any contact after that. Though, being honest, I had no idea if he had still been trying to contact me or not. I had blocked him so that he couldn't call me or text me, I had deleted him from my Instagram and other social media and I had avoided every place where I could possibly meet him.

But even if I had been able to block him from my life I hadn't been able to block him from my mind. He was still there, his face, his voice, all so clear in my mind, haunting me, never giving up.

During the days it was easier to block him, to concentrate on other stuff. Though, even during the days, he kept popping in my head, every random thing reminding me of him, causing my stomach to wrench and my throat to tighten.

But the nights were the worst. There had been countless nights that I had lain awake in my bed, feeling betrayed, all in tears. Feeling like I could murder someone because I was so angry. And even if I was able to sleep, the memory of him and his betrayal still didn't leave me alone. Nightmares of that moment when that girl had appeared at the party, holding hands with my boyfriend, now accompanied my nightmares about the night Mom left us.

And the worst thing about these nightmares was that once you woke up from them you couldn't just comfort yourself by remembering they were just dreams. Because these nightmares were not just dreams. They had really happened and they reminded me of how little I meant to others, how worthless I was in their sight.

Eventually it was our turn to get on the plane and soon the plane was already rolling towards the runway. A few minutes and we would take off, leaving LA behind. I swore to myself I'd never come back. LA was too full of memories, memories I wanted to forget. I really hoped that leaving LA behind would help me to also leave all those memories behind. What had happened in LA could stay in LA.

I glanced out of the window. There was only one thing I'd miss from here: my friends, Sasha and Kenzie. They were the best friends - if not the only real friends - I had ever had. They were the two people I still allowed myself to trust.

After Kenzie had noticed I had disappeared from the party and had heard from Lyla what had happened she had immediately called me. And not only once but five times. I had noticed her calls the following morning when I had finally taken my phone out of my purse.

When I had called her back, she had answered immediately, telling me she had been so worried when she had heard what happened, when I had disappeared and no one knew where I had gone. She had talked to me like she was the mom I never had.

The following weeks after Mikey's betrayal had come out, Kenzie and Sasha had been there for me, supporting me through my last month in Santa Monica. They had been brave all along, hiding the turmoil they felt for my approaching move, being brave for me. They had been the shoulder to cry on, the distraction to keep the bad memories out of my mind and the helping hand in packing all my earthly belongings to be transported across the Pacific Ocean.

But today morning they had eventually broken into tears as they had hugged me at the airport entrance. We had all sobbed together, promising each other to stay in touch and to never forget about each other. Kenzie had also promised me she would come to visit me next summer, as soon as she was free from school. Sasha had said she'd come too if only she could afford to.

"It will be so empty without you," Kenzie had sniffed as she had finally let me go.

"I will miss you so much," Sasha had sobbed. "But don't you worry about us," she had added. "We'll be fine. And it's better for you to leave. You will get to concentrate on other stuff without all the places all the time reminding you of... him."

"You'll have it easier than us," Kenzie had said, wiping away her tears. Though it had all been in vain as new tears had constantly been emerging from her eyes. "We'll have all the places reminding us of you, declaring your absence to us. But you will find a new world in Sydney. And sooner than you realise you will have found some cute surfer guy who is head over heels in love with you. Someone who will make Mikey pale."

I knew she had been trying to comfort me, to give me hope. But I had learned my lessons by now. After what I had experienced, first in London and now in LA, I had finally become convinced that boys were not to be trusted. No matter how many cute surfer boys I'd meet, I'd never begin dating one. I'd never date anyone ever again.

"I don't think that'll ever happen," I had told Kenzie.

After that Dad had told me it was time to go now and we had headed towards the security check. We had stood in line for quite a while and I had been trying hard not to glance over my shoulder. I had managed to stare straight in front of me until eventually, just before disappearing through the security check, I had glanced over my shoulder to see if they were still there. They had been. Holding each other's hands for support, all in tears, they had noticed me look at them and had waved at me, for the one last time.

I sighed. Thinking about Sasha and Kenzie caused my throat to tighten. I doubted I'd ever find any other friends like them. And I wasn't sure if I even wanted anyone else. No one could ever replace them, besides, the less people I let close to myself the less people there would be who could potentially betray me.

The plane came to a halt at the start of the runway. The engines started to roar as the plane was getting ready to take off. Then it started to roll along the runway, faster and faster, until it finally lifted itself off the ground, pushing its way higher and higher towards the clouds.

I looked out of the window as LA got smaller and smaller until it eventually disappeared as we finally made it above the clouds. Then I teared my eyes away. It was time to move on, time to turn the page and begin a new chapter.