The Prize of Dysprosium

Chapter X: Insanity Workshop

"What?" I grumble at Garmen who's staring at me like she wants to set me on fire. It doesn't happen often, but once in a century I do something which pisses her off so much she almost can't speak.

"You slept with Alivia!" she hisses as loud as she dares in these early hours of the morning and hits me as hard as she can on the shoulder.

"Ow!" I exclaim and she hits me again whereafter a storm of hands rain down on me. Garmen doesn't hit like a normal person, she smacks her palms against people like you do in kindergarten. It still hurts though, when she catches a particular good piece of skin. "Ow, stop it!" I say and grab her wrists.

"Get off me!" she hisses as I wrestle her down until she can't move anymore. She tries to kick me in the groin, but I sit myself down on her legs and hold them still.

"Stop hitting me!" I yell. "How do you even know already? Did she advertise it or something?"

"I met her in the bathroom washing off purple glitter," Garmen sneers. I open my mouth but close it again. Then I shake my head angrily.

"Look, Alivia was there. If it had been you there I would have slept with you too, or Brice, or Frei."

Garmen blinks. Then her face turns a new shade of red. "You think you hurt my vanity?" she hisses. "Alivia was exempted from work because Dr. Terry found tiny blisters by the edges of her mouth yesterday. She's being tested for herpes!"

I stare at her for the longest time as she waits for the news to settle on me.

"You're wrutting me," I finally say.

"Why, why, why would I joke that you might have herpes?" she asks. I frown, trying to find out how exactly I feel about that. Then I burst into laughter. I can't even stay crouching anymore so I roll to the side, folding myself into foster position as my stomach begins hurting. Garmen is looking at me as if I'm insane, which sends another jolt of laughter through me.

"Oh, this is priceless," I gasp and dry away a tear. "It's exactly what I need. To not be able to do my job anymore." Drug addicted, sick with herpes, an enemy of the Government. It's so tragic it's funny. They really did a number on me.

"Look, maybe you don't have it," Garmen begins. "You could have been lucky, or maybe Alivia doesn't have it, or, why are you laughing right now?"

And I am, just grinning like it's everything that's keeping me alive.

"Because there's nothing else I can do," I say after my laughter has finally settled down. "Except go out and get high, you want to come?"

Garmen looks at me. I know she thinks it's way too early in the morning, but from her hesitation I also know she's temped. After all, I better spend my gold before I decide how to off myself.

"Fine," she says. "I'll go get my shoes."

"I just have to do one thing," I say and roll off the bed. I'm still stark naked but it's nothing nobody has never seen before. I cross over the hallway and knock hard on the door I know belong to Alivia and Quills. Quills opens with a grimace and squints her eyes at me. Her hair is the best bird's nest lookalike I've ever seen.

"Hi Quills," I say. "Is Alivia here?"

"Why?" Quills grumps. I roll my eyes and is just about to explain when I notice Alivia rising from her bed. She must have taken a shower because her hair is wet and dripping on her t-shirt.

"Noah?" she grumbles and rubs her eyes. "What are you doing here?"

"I just wanted to congratulate you on the sex last night," I say loud enough everybody who's half-awake on the floor will hear it. Quills certainly reacts, her eyes widening involuntarily and she looks back at Alivia. "You could have told me you have herpes, but I guess I wouldn't think it was that important if I was high on cocaine while supposed to be at work. Have a great day!"