Exposed. || swritess_

Escape

He sighed. "Probably get some work done," he replied, averting his eyes. Most likely in an attempt to conceal his true feelings about being alone on Christmas. He cleared his throat and looked back at the screen. "Have you been getting any more of those calls?"

In the past few weeks, you'd gotten a few strange calls, either someone on the other line staying silent except for the sound or their breathing or a simple hang-up call.

"No, nothing since the last one I told you about," you informed him.

He nodded, humming in response. "That's good," he responded. "If there's another one you'll tell me, right?"

You smiled at him, warmth spreading through your chest at his concern. "I will," you assured him. "So how's London? I've never been."

He sighed and glanced to the side, presumably out the window. "Wet."

You laughed lightly. "Are you excited to come home?"

"That'd be an understatement," he said with a scoff.

"Only one more week, right?" you asked, slightly worried that he was about to tell you that he'd be in London even longer.

He smiled. Genuinely smiled. "Right."

You paused, chewing your lip nervously. "I miss you, Ren."

"I miss you too."

You had been worried that he didn't actually miss you. Or at least that he wouldn't admit that he missed you. But he did. He missed you. He told you that he missed you.

"I'll let you get back to your family," he said, interrupting your bliss and giving you a solemn smile. "I'll see you soon."

You smiled, dreading the silence that would fall once his voice disappeared from the room but a spark of hope taking hold in your chest. "See you soon, Ren."

Kylo gave you one last smile before hanging up, leaving you with a blank screen and a full heart.

—

Kylo missed her more than he cared to admit. He never thought that he would end up in the state of affairs he found himself in right now. She was in every thought he had, every step he took, every passing moment.

His nights were sleepless. Not because the bed in his hotel suite was uncomfortable, but because she wasn't laying there on the left side of his bed, clutching the sheets in her hands.

Kylo hadn't been expecting her to call today. It was Christmas Eve and she was home with her family. But he couldn't deny how glad he was that she called, immediately feeling comforted just by the sound of her voice and the sight of her face.

And that terrified him.

He couldn't remember the last time he'd missed someone like this. It was foreign to him, unfamiliar. Unnerving.

But he truly, deeply missed her. It was miserable, going so long without seeing her face, hearing that soft, sweet voice that he'd become so familiar, so comfortable with.

He couldn't escape her, not even when there was an entire ocean in between them. She was everywhere. In every thought he had, every step he took, every day that passed without her. She was in the sound of the rain against the streets, in the glow of the moonlight through his window each night, in the taste of his coffee in the morning.

He knew he should put some distance in between the two of them, pull away enough to make sure there was no confusion about what the two of them
were.

But he also knew that the second he saw her again, there'd be no way that he could resist her.

He couldn't put off seeing her for a minute longer than he had to. He knew that he would crumble the second he saw her face, melt in her hands when he felt her lips on his, her gentle hands on his chest.

Kylo tried to escape her grasp. But he couldn't. He knew he couldn't, no matter how much he tried.

He couldn't escape her anymore than the streets outside could escape the London rain.

If he told her the truth, he wouldn't need to escape her anymore. She'd run away without a second thought, without even a second look at him.

Maybe that's was the best decision. Maybe it'd be best to give her a reason to leave, to want nothing to do with him. It'd probably keep her from getting hurt in the long run.

But he was too selfish for that. If he told her, she'd leave. And no matter how much he tried to convince himself that he wanted to be free of her, he didn't. He didn't at all.

And that was selfish of him, to continue this with her, because he knew that this was the farthest it could go with her.

He could always hear her voice, but something she said in particular kept echoing in his thoughts, over and over again.

And you're not a bad son for distancing yourself from your family, if that is what's best for you.

He had always insisted that cutting himself off from his past was the best choice for him and for everyone else. But what she said that morning, having coffee the morning after she stayed with him for the first time, made him rethink that decision.

Maybe cutting himself off from his family wasn't the best decision. Or maybe it was. In all honesty, he didn't know.

But even though he didn't know if it was the right choice for him or not, he picked up his phone again, dialing the number he refused to save but at the same time, refused to forget.

She picked up after three rings. He took a deep breath, gazing out the window as the rain fell from the gray London sky.

Before she could say anything, he spoke first.

"Merry Christmas, Mother."