Yours, SS [Book 1]

Chapter 55

He padded to his office and surveyed the items on his desk: scrolls stacked neatly to the side, his quills in a nice straight row, vials waiting to be filled, and last-minute ingredients to be cataloged and put away. He glared at the tree sitting by the fireplace. She had delicately decorated it with little yarn ornaments that she crocheted, the same ones she put on the tree in the common room, charming snow to fall on it at certain times of the day, and small holly berries dotted throughout it. Staring at it reminded him that it was Christmas Day, and he had no one to celebrate with.

He shook his head and entered the common room. Here, off to the side of the fireplace, sat a giant tree. Candy canes with name tags hun on it, her idea, an emerald and silver star at the top, ornate baubles and snow fell upon it. Amilia had taken immense care to make sure the students saw what they wanted on the tree, and she did splendidly, but now it just felt so empty here, even with the students opening their presents.

Severus scowled; she did not leave him a gift. Or did she? With his cape snapping as he turned around to his office, he saw nothing beneath the tree. She had taken the gift for her but did not leave him anything. What the bloody hell, Amilia? This set the mood for the rest of the day.

The students marched in two small lines, boys and girls, behind him as they entered the Great Hall. Their mood matched their head of house, somber. He had pouted all day, not even a small nod of acknowledgment when he saw them flitting about the common room. He refused to share in the lunch they made, and only stuffed the candy cane with his name on it in his jacket pocket. Their thoughts and whispers were loud and fed the anger and sadness boiling in him.

Did she leave him? I do not know; it all happened so fast.

I heard something about a baby. Maybe she is pregnant and realized she doesn't want to be with him.

I bet she finally had enough of his shit; she looked so troubled these past few weeks.

Maybe the stress of the wedding and she needed a break away from him? Who would want to marry that prat? I mean, he gives us enough points just for being Slytherin, but he doesn't really treat us very differently than the other house.

No, she said something was wrong, even had a letter in her hands. Maybe something happened to a family member? Oh, that does not bode well for the New Year to have a death or injury in the family right now.

No, you idiots! The Dark Lord murdered her family. She has no one but Snape, so something had to go down between them.

Severus glared at each and every one of them as they took their seats at the grand table. The other houses were laughing and joking, but the house clad in green sat silently. The other professors noticed the change in atmosphere, ending their conversations and looking at them. Dumbledore eyed Severus and leaned over to whisper to Minerva.

Huffing, the potions master took his place at the head table and chugged the mead that sat before him.

"Severus?"

"What?"

"How is Kylie?"

Severus turned his cold eyes to the matron; he could hear her instruments jingling in her pocket. She dressed gayly for the feast but was always prepared. The other teachers nervously eyed the empty chair next to him. "I do not know."

"She hasn't sent you a letter?"

"No." He growled. "What does it matter to all of you, anyway?"

Minerva leaned forward, her tone sour, "Despite what you may think, Amilia is important to other people too, as is her dear friend. We all have our concerns."

Severus leaned back in his chair, "I am sure you will know before I will." He looked out the window nearest him, snow falling in large chunks.

"Well, that is my cue." The charms professor said, climbing down from his chair. Pulling out his wand, he gathered students who were in the frog choir. "Since Professor Hubbard is not available today, we will perform unaccompanied." The students looked at each other, confused, then looked at the empty chair.

Severus chewed his food without tasting it as the children sang. He felt nothing. This feeling was even worse than before, and without Amilia, he could not chase away the intrusive thoughts that have haunted him over the past few years. He could not fight the urge to leave the castle, and he would after the feast was over.

Severus appeared outside the gates of the cemetery. His eyes darted this way and that, making sure he was alone. Inside he picked his way through the gravestones, slowly watching one appear before his eyes. Here lie James and Lily Potter. Loving parents.

His heart felt heavy; he wondered where the boy was. The last time he had seen him, he was wailing away in his crib, next to his mother's corpse. Severus took out his wand; flowers appeared left to Lily's name. He spoke softly of Amilia, how he proposed and the wedding was well underway, but he confessed to Lily that he still loved her, and how she will never be rid of him. He wanted this happiness, and he knew that Lily would wish him the same. He begged once again for forgiveness and that she would grant him the freedom of her popping up at the wrong times.

All this holiday, he had thought of Lily, how he wronged her, how he begged her not to marry Potter, even sending her a letter before her wedding. How he hoped Poppy or Minerva would come running to him, telling him to be dressed for Lily was running to him ready to profess her love. Even as he hid in the shadows, watching their vows, he had hoped she would change her mind.

"This is a rough holiday, my friend." He fell to his knees, Amilia left him alone to be there for her friend. Didn't she know he needed her more than anyone else would? Sighing heavily, "none of this would have happened had you chosen me." His shoulders shook as tears rolled down his cheeks.

The students quietly went to bed, and Severus retired to his office after he visited Godrics Hollow. His woolen socks tossed carelessly aside as he reclined by the fire. "What a horrid day." The glass of firewhiskey rested on the arm of the chair, warming him from the inside as the fire worked from the outside, "No amount of drink kept their pesky thoughts from me." He sighed and stretched, knocking over his glass. It shattered against the stone floor, the amber liquid racing towards the tree skirt. Groaning, he rose and wiped up the wasted drink. Something caught his eye beneath the tree.

It shimmered, charmed to appear at the right time. She did leave me a present. Pushing the glass aside, he pulled out a box, wrapped in yellow and white, topped with a black bow. The tag attached read:

Happy Christmas, Severus. All my love, AH.

Guilt clutched at his throat. All-day, he had been angry with her, but he should have known she would not leave him with nothing. Ripping off the paper, he found a book, their initials embossed on the cover. Opening it to the first page, To place our happy moments.

Each page held a picture, first being Flourish and Blotts. The park he had taken her to and them dancing at her friend's wedding. "I did not realize someone took our picture." His fingers caressed her face; she smiled as she laid her head on his chest; he rubbed his nose on top of her head, a faint smile on his lips.

The next page held an image of them sitting in the courtyard, pouring over a book, and then walking hand in hand on the castle grounds. His brows furrowed slightly; who was taking pictures of them? Some students must have tried to blackmail her; he would get to the bottom of this.

He turned to the next page; it was blank, but her beautiful script decorated the top: Wedded Bliss. She had made a page for them to place their portrait and marked off the next few pages for more of the day to come. He closed the book and held it to his chest, "Thank you, Amilia."