Contrite Hearts

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"Miss Shreya and Miss Roohi, the next time you barge in do try to ask for permission."

"We are sorry sir." She apologized.
I just laughed and everyone gave us a way till we reached our last seats with our gang already there and whistling at us. Wait. Did I mention I in was among those gangs, with whom no one would like to mess up with. It involves Shreya, Fawad, Afreen, Krishna and me.

I dont usually talk much with them. I just be with them. And on a plus point being with them also keeps me from some shitty people. To say, Afreen has a tiny miny crush on Fawad and whereas Krishna profoundly loves shreya though she denies him the every other time.
It's always fun to be with them enjoying and may be just may be the only time when I become a bit more myself. Watching them bicker. I am like odd one out among them. Always with a sour mood and cold expression. I sometimes do smile but then my own insecurities rush in like a wave and they hit so hard that something deep within tells me I wasn't supposed to laugh much. And that's it I cant bring myself to smile again. I know. I know it sometimes gets annoying for them to bear me and that I know I always sound unwelcoming to them. However they stick to me everytime. To that I am really grateful. Though I would never actually tell them that.
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Today was the day our final exam results are to be announced which would decide our future. It would be big turning point in our lives. To say I was nervous would be an understatement. And surprisingly I topped. Finally the only thing I could possibly say i own. Through my own hardwork. Also it's not like I have anything better to do at home than to listen at mama's nonstop ramble against papa. Besides studies really work as a best distraction.

Everyone congratulated me. My gang as usual were not shocked especially Afreen. She's always curious on knowing my tactics while studying. Though she always ranks second, it's like a secret pact between us that it would always be the two of us at the top. And it doesn't matter who it is. And there's still time when we'd know where each of ours fate lay. I've never actually thought of any specific college though.

Not so soon, It was time to leave for our respective homes. Which is definitely what I wanna do. To share the news. But instead I left to shreyas house to share the news first and to complete my project. Meanwhile I informed mama that I'm at Shreya's. Shreya's parents always welcomed me. It has actually become my escape spot. Like whenever I felt like I needed some fresh air, I'd always sprint over here. Adya aunty wasn't even surprised when I said I topped but as usual it was Shreya who was at the end of her sweet scoldings.

Aunty has seen me in my worst conditions but she never questioned me. She just comforted me. Whereas Shreya's dad, I barely see him. But whenever he's at home, he was always sweet towards me. At I first I was really envious of Shreya. Be her looks or her loving parents. Which led to me ignoring her for a whole month. But she stuck to me like glue. There were many insecurities building up, starting with I didnt deserve her. I wasn't worthy of her. At the end we came past all through that. By then I wasn't really insecure of my financial conditions infront of her. She didnt let me feel like that at all. And neither did I let anyone make me feel like one.
When it was almost half past eight I left to my home bidding bye to them.

It was a bit unusual today. There was a dreadful feeling lurking inside of me. Like something's bad gonna happen. I prayed on my way just to calm my heart beats a bit. This shouldn't be happening to me. Caz whenever this feeling arises within me , it has lead to nothing good. I slowly increased my pace. When I reached my home, everything was smashed. At one corner was my mom and perhaps papa was in balcony, smoking. Whereas Haima was moping the floor. When I looked at mom she was clutching her hand. And I just knew what might've happened. I placed my stuff in my room and signalled Haima to go and do her school work while I resumed cleaning the mess that's been created.
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Third person's P.O.V:

Everything was going well when Rajveer Arora owned a  small travel business. With the money he was able to save and  the money his wife Hasini's mother transferred every month, they were able to make their ends meet. Though not many new things would be bought, it was manageable. But as they say, nothing stays permanent. His business collapsed. And with two stunts in his heart he couldn't do much work either.

Soon it was his usual. It's not like he didnt try any other work . But everything he did try, didnt work out for him. He bared an ego in him that didnt let him work under anyone. Since he hasn't worked under anyone. Ever. Not even his own father. He didnt even let her mom work either cause apparently it would degrade their respect and also because it's been too long for her to resume her teaching career. And his so called friends couldn't care either. They'd just make fun of him at his back. His own family isn't worth calling one. Among four sons he was the only one who stood by his mom whenever his dad used to fight. That formed the grudge between father and son duo. At his crucial times, when he needed his mother to transfer his shares of property she signed them all to her other children instead of standing up to him. Which severed the ties between him and his whole of a worthless family. Except his elder brother and his family. Hasini had good relation with his elder sis in law.

And now time has changed. Everyone evolves according to time. And so were their needs. The cost of their expenses grew.He started becoming reckless with time, staying at home.

And slowly that helplessness brought  a huge inferiority complex within him. The fact that now he is totally dependent on his wife, is slowly eating him up. Whereas Hasini's way of dealing it was a bit easy. As she easily blamed everything on him. Forgetting that sometimes it was partially her fault. She always did warn her children to never disobey their mama's words. For she didnt listen to her moms word to not marry his dad, and that she is living a life she never hoped nor ever wished for.

Both of them were together just because of their precious daughters. But they didnt know at the end of bearing and fighting everything for their them, they were breaking their daughters. Their childish behaviour was long gone. They understood just to make the best of what they had, there and then.

It was difficult for Roohi to make her small sis understand everything. She may not know anything much but she has seen things. A picture in a young mind doesn't fade quick. And Roohi didnt want her sis to have lost the freedom. To lose the freedom of finding happiness in small things.
She never actually got to know what her parents were mostly living for. Perhaps a good future. Or hopelessly waiting for a miracle to happen that could turn their lives like a new leaf. But she knew better than to believe in such miracles. She never did. Nonetheless she loved her parents. And she knew for them she need to believe in what they hope for. Cause that's the least she could do.

She had a better view of life than many adults when she understood that-to live a stress free, happy life all she'd need is money. Her young mind was taught what held power to live in this cruel world.
Unbeknownst to her, she stopped living and literally breaths, trying to get to the next day, just living in the thought of tomorrow. She isn't living. She is hopefully waiting. Hopefully waiting for a better future. Though deep down she knew there's nothing in her hands. Her parents would never let her do a job. Not even her grandma who pays her fee. But she was determined to not live a life like her mama's. She would never live her every single fucking day as dreadful as her mother does. The role of being the man of her house. Literally doing everything that she could possibly can in her will. Not even caring for herself.

Roohi doesn't want that. She believes in self love. Only when you love yourself, could you try to love the others of atleast half of what you do to yourself. She doesn't want to become a self sacrificing lamb like her mother. Who's merely living for her husband and her daughters. Who mostly doesn't recognise her worth.
And the only possible way she could see to do so is by studies. Even though, one day she'd be married off to another man, she'd never let her studies go to waste. She would live a successful life. Either by fair or by foul means.And for that she needs to be strong. Physically and mostly mentally.