LAST SUMMER

Dreams and illusions

Summer was almost over and I had spent everyday with Liam. Except for two days. The first summer day away from Liam was the morning after the night he took my virginity.

The second day was today.

It was already night time and I was feeling very cold but I still walked back to the beach house from the hospital, watching my toes in the process. It wasn't even a cold night. I could have stopped and slept at the hotel I ran to that night.
I had lost my virtue and I didn't know what to do. I needed space and Liam gladly gave me the space I needed.

"Carmen!" I looked up from my feet and to the source of the voice. A car screeched to a halt next to me and Liam jumped out of the car, running straight to me. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close me. He hugged me tightly while kissing my forehead.

"Do not ever do this to me again. Do you know how worried I have been?" He scolded me, pulling me impossibly closer. I could tell just how worried he was about me and it got me blushing like an idiot. He tried calling and texting me but I just ignored him. I didn't want to, it just happened.

"Liam, we need to talk." I whispered. He pulled away slightly just to kiss me. What I had to tell him was too important and somewhat urgent so didn't kiss him back.

He pulled away and looked down at me but still didn't let go. "What's wrong?" He asked softly. I looked up at him and met his eyes. They were so full of love and concern they made my stomach flutter.

"Let's go to our spot. I have something to tell you." He nodded and let go only to hold my hand and lead me to his car which still had its ignition on.

Somehow, the scene changed from Liam leading me to his car to us walking up the remaining distance to the top of a cliff. During the day, Liam and I would sometimes have picnics, enjoy the view or just make out and talk about nonsense.

He went and sat down at the edge like we always did and stared at the ocean below us. It was our spot and noone else knew about it.
In fact, noone knew about our little summer trip.

"You're not okay." He didn't say it as a teasing remark like he usually did and it wasn't a question.

He looked at me still rooted in the same position, still wonder just how my life had made a U-turn like this. I was the daughter of a staunch Christian couple; a couple that believed that no two people should kiss before marriage.
I smiled when I heard my mother's voice in my head.

"Carmen dear,the reason the priest says 'you may now kiss the bride' is because that is when the groom may do just that. So please don't go around disobeying the good principles your father and I instilled in you. No boys until you are done with school and are perfectly able to take care of yourself."

"Tell me what is bothering you." Liam said giving me his hand. I shook my head, refusing to take it. He sighed and put his hands in his pocket.
"Carmen, tell me."

I took a deep breath. "I am pregnant and I want to abort it." I blurted.

"What!" Liam said standing up, his eyes not leaving mine. He was angry and I wanted to calm him down.

"Don't worry Liam, I promise to keep it between us. No one will ever find out about the pregnancy and we can just stop whatever this is. I think us ending our relationship will be for the b_"

"You want to abort our child and breakup with me? Why on earth would you want to do that? What are you even thinking?" He said cutting me off. I was stunned and stared at him blankly. He actually wanted me to keep the child and stay in a relationship with him.

Fuck you Liam! I was also getting angry and clenching and unclenching my fists was not working.

"And what do you want me to do?" I asked him between gritted teeth. He stared at me in disbelief. He took a step forward and I took two back, not wanting him close. He got the message and took a step back.

"Carmen, I want us to stay together and I don't want you to abort our baby. I will take responsibility for_" I raised my hand to shut him up. He did but not without shaking his head at me in disappointment.

"What is wrong with you Carmen?"  He muttered under his breath. Well, now I'm angry.

"What's wrong is that you want me to just give up my entire life for this thing growing in my stomach, You want me to just throw everything away for you! I don't care what you think but I will abort this thing." I screamed.

"That thing is our baby and I don't think that you are being logical right now." He spat and turned his back to me, standing at the edge of the cliff and staring at the ocean.
"And I will not let you kill our child." He added silently.

Well I will not let you stop me.

Those were my last thoughts before I ran towards him and pushed him. Hard.

I screamed as I watched him fall to his death, only to be discovered three weeks later.
.
.
.

I woke up screaming hysterically. "Calm down Carmen, calm down." The school nurse told me. She was holding my shoulders and had on a worried expression. I stopped screaming.

She stood up and left the room, assuring me that she would be back. My heart was still beating way too fast for my liking because of the stupid flash back dream I just had.

Fuck you Liam!

"How about I tell everyone what you did last summer? How about I really ruin your life?" I looked around for the the source of the voice; no doubtedlly Liam. A colder version of his voice.

I spotted him outside the infirmary, walking towards the assembly hall. He was going to tell everyone the truth.

I wouldn't let him.
I couldn't let him.
And so I stood up, looking around the room for anything I could use. I killed him before and I would do it again.
When I found what I was looking for, ran after him.

I barged into the assembly hall and ran up the stage where Liam was standing next to the microphone.

"Fuck you Liam! I killed you but you just keep bringing your ass back in my life! I will kill you again if I have to!" I shouted running towards him.

The fucker had the audacity to smile at me. I pulled out the knife I had picked up from the office and stabbed him in the chest. "Die!" I screamed.

He didn't bleed and he didn't even flinch. Instead, he leaned towards me and whispered in my ear.
"Now they know what you did last summer."

I blinked twice and he was gone. Vanished into thin air like the ghost that he was. The ghost of my conscience.

I looked away from the empty space that once had Liam and stared at the silent, shocked open mouthed audience watching me.

A male student at the front was the first to break the silence; a student I knew all too well.
"You killed my brother." He stated in disbelief.

I was humiliated.
"Louis_"
I shut up when I realized that I had confessed in front of the whole school on the microphone.

I ruined my life.
Everyone would hate me.
The cops would come and get me.
My parents would be disappointed in me.

I stared at the sharp knife in my shaking hand. There was no use living so I did the most logical thing I could think of. I didn't care if it meant joining Liam and the baby I aborted, I just wanted to die.

Without thinking twice, I raised the hand holding the knife to my neck and slit my throat.

***

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