When You Least Expect It - 9-1-1 - Evan "Buck" Buckley

Chapter 12

The room was cold, I was never cold in the hospital but today I was cold. I needed some time to think. Doctor Harlin let me just sit and process everything after he left.

He had said the word. Cancer. Ovarian cancer to be exact. I had spent a good part of my adult life avoiding that word and praying I never had to hear it again after Greg.

I had no idea what to do. Who do I tell? how do I tell them? When do I tell them? Which option Dr. Harlin gave me is best for me? What if I choose wrong? How did this happen? ...Would everything be ok?

Dr. Harlin assured me we caught it early and that was one of the most important things. He also assured he would recommend me to the best oncologist he could which could make all the difference.

Dr. Harlin explained that generally a few options are on the table as far as how to handle it, but only two I took seriously. Treatment and surgery.

I felt like I was asking him a ton of questions but I was nervous and I felt like the more I knew the better I would feel. I was wrong. Treatment would cut out the risks of surgery but there was no guarantee how long it would take to work if it in fact worked at all. Surgery came with immediate risks but given how early it was it could be the most effective given the situation and given that it wouldn't 100% give the results we needed it could always be followed up with treatment.

The final question I had for Dr. Harlin hit me in a different set of emotions. The chances I could have kids given I came out on the other side of this situation.

His answer was the same for either option I was considering. It would be difficult, not impossible but difficult. He explained that there was a good chance I would never conceive naturally with either option I picked and that crushed me.

If I survived this, I wanted a life with Buck. I wanted the happy ending marriage and kids. Buck is amazing with kids and from seeing him with Eddie's son, Christopher, I knew he would be an amazing father. If I wouldn't be able to have kids after all this, would that change anything? I couldn't ask him to give up something that major for me, I just couldn't.

I had a lot to think about.

I finally got enough strength to pull myself together and make my way to the front desk of the emergency department. When I first got here Annabel had caught me on my way in to see Dr. Harlin and asked if there was anyway I could get Buck to come in for a bit, she wouldn't tell me why. As I walked through the doors I was caught by surprise that he was already there.

"Hey beautiful" he smiled pulling me into his side and giving me a small peck.

I wrapped my arms around him tightly. I didn't realize how much I needed him in that moment. He was my best comfort.

"Annabel said to wait here she would be right back, so you made it just in time" he kissed the top of my head. "Everything go ok with the doctor?"

"Yeah, we had a nice talk" I lied.

I didn't know if it was an appropriate time to tell him given where we were and with the amount of people around. I would wait and tell him when we got home.

"Jenna, Evan, this is Mr. and Mrs. Clawson and I'm sure you remember their daughter Emily" Annabel smiled as she walked a couple over to us who had a baby in their arms.

"Is she the-?" Buck stared before Annabel cut him off.

"The baby you pulled out of the car accident and ran here to get treatment as soon as possible?" Annabel smiled.

"Oh my God, I can't believe it" I was stunned.

I had treated the little baby for a whole shift. She held a special spot in my heart. I came to shift the next day and they told me she got to go home, I was so sad I missed her getting to go home.

"We just wanted to meet the fire fighter that everyone kept telling us about that ran our little girl in here to get her help and the nurse that took such good care of her from the second she got here. It means so much to us to have her back and to have her back healthy." Mrs. Clawson smiled at us.

"Would you like to sit down?" Annabel motioned to the small waiting room near us.

We all got situated as Annabel shut the door to give us a little more privacy.

"So her name is Emily?" I spoke first.

"Yes, Emily" Mr. Clawson smiled at his daughter. That tugged at my heart.

"She's cuter than I remember, I didn't think that was possible" Buck smiled gently rubbing the baby's cheek.

Normally, I would have found this moment super attractive but my mind kept wandering back to what would happen if I couldn't give him a baby at the end of all this.

"Would you like to hold her?" Mrs. Clawson asked smiling at Buck.

"Could I?" He held his arms out as the baby was placed in them.

He lightly bounced the baby in his arms and smiled widely at me.

"She likes you Buck" I rubbed his back gently.

"Do you two work together often?" Mrs. Clawson asked us.

"Jenna's my girlfriend" Buck said proudly.

I smiled wide. I could not be more proud that he was mine and I loved him with everything I had.

"What are the odds of that, this makes our question a little easier then" she laughed.

Buck and I looked at each other curiously.

"We wanted to know if you two would consider being Emily's godparents? We would have her baptized in town and we couldn't think of anyone better than you two" Mr. Clawson explained.

I looked at Buck to gage his reaction. When I was met with a smile I knew our answer.

"We would love to" Buck and I said at the same time.

I smiled at him as he started playing with the baby in his arms again. As I sat and watched him interact with the precious little girl I knew in my heart I wasn't ready to tell him. Part of me feared if we could never have this for ourselves, I would lose him.

That night we went to bed like we usually did except I couldn't sleep. I hid my paperwork from the doctors in my side drawer by the bed. Buck never went in there so I figured it was the smartest option.

Having Buck peacefully asleep in my arms made me realize that I only wanted him to be happy, even if his happiness didn't come from me. No matter which option I chose there were risks and I felt like the time I had to choose between them was wearing thin. I was more lost than I'd ever been.

I had no idea what I was going to do next.