kiss me thru the phone | myg.

xxi: a new life

i smiled at the compliment as we both moved to carry my bags, "thanks, you're pretty too."

once we were settled in, i found out that we had a lot in common. daniella loves nicki minaj, is also black, and she enjoys to watch shitty reality shows. her major was atmospheric science and once she found out that my major was botany, we both laughed. the twin bed that i ordered didn't arrive until the next day so i slept on the floor but daniella made me feel better by joining in.

we used her laptop to watch bad girls club season 11 and basically declared war on more than half of the girls on that season.

"i hate jazmone," daniella rolled her eyes, "all that bullying but she couldn't afford to lay her edges down."

"daniella, you're basically the funniest person i know already."

the twin bed came literally thirty minutes after we both woke up so we were grumpy as hell putting it together but once we did and clean up, we got coffee. my friends still didn't know about me being in manchester yet and i felt bad. i did and i was going to tell them as soon as i got back into my dorm but it was too late.

the hoes that i call my friends found me and i got yelled at. they yelled, cried, and hugged me. they all immediately liked daniella too which made me feel great. i told daniella about charles and how i needed time to adjust to everything.

"there might be days when i'm going to cry at night," i told her, "it's apart of healing so don't you worry about me."

"i'll be by your side crying, too."

and she was. she cried with me two nights after i told her that. it didn't take long for her to tell me that she was also a victim but her situation was more bizzare. it gives me creeps to even think about it but she said something that i still think about to this day

"when two people are hurt or weak," daniella said with her hands on my shoulder, "it's best if the two stick together and lean on each other. there'll be days when one is weaker than the other or stronger than the other. i feel like that'll be us."

i met two more people as i started my classes. damien and jay were two guys i met. daniella insisted she didn't have a crush on damien but it's so obvious. anybody with basic observation skills could tell. damien and jay left a striking impression on me. i went bowling with konnie, faith, and daniella when i met them. all the others already knew them because of their popularity.

"jurnee," jay looked at me with a smile, "you're that girl from the starbucks video. the bald baddie."

i snorted, "what? is that what they call me?"

"yep," damien answered then he paused before he sympathetically spoke again, "i'm sorry that you had to endure that. i'm glad you found the strength to condemn what he did."

i smiled and that was the last they spoke of charles. i didn't want to hear about him until the court hearing. we all quickly established a friendship with each other. once a week, we were either at a park, restaurant, or someone's place to hang out. which kept me sane for two months until it was time for the court hearing. i talked to my psychiatrist the day before the court hearing.

"how do you feel about it?"

"anxious," i answered back, "i don't know how else to feel. i guess anxious and a bit relieved that there's a possibility he'll be in orange for a good amount of years."

"have you talked to yoongi yet?" my psychiatrist asked and i froze. i haven't said a thing to him about me being in manchester at all. "i know last time you said he didn't know you were in manchester."

"he doesn't."

"why not? is there a reason for that?"

i bit my lip and looked down at the chipped blue polish ob my nails, "yeah. i don't want to get distracted and i don't want to get him happy yet. i still don't know when i'll ever be ready to be in a relationship."

"then start off as friends, can't that work?"

the thought made me sick and i can tell dr. myers could tell because he asked if i was okay. "i don't think friendship will work out. we both really fancy each other and it's going to make things worse. yoongi is not my worries right now, i have to worry about myself. i'm used to pretending that everything's okay and using people as a distraction to mask how i feel. that's not fair to anyone and it makes me feel bad at the end of it all."

dr. myers took some time before he nodded his head, "alright, i understand. healing is a process though. what's your definition of perfectly healed? is that what you're waiting for? to be perfectly healed?"

"i don't think there's a such as perfectly healed," i answered back, "you can fix a broken bone but that bone will always be imperfect. you will feel pain at the bone sometime in your life again. it's about how you carry on after treating damage and how bad it hurts. that's why i need time, when the pain is less persistent and i'm comfortable with being alone without feeling lonely then i'll talk to yoongi."

"don't leave him in the dark," dr. myers advised me, "it won't be fair if you cut off communication and only hit him up when you feel like you're ready for him."

we concluded our weekly session shortly after. he wished my luck in the hearing and told me to journal my thoughts. i stared at yoongi's contact and kept typing hi then deleting it and then retyping it again. i didn't know what to say so i chucked my phone and groaned.

healing is a hard, emotional process.

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