The Story of Us (Book 1 of "The Story of Us" Series) [Completed]

Chapter 35 - The Hard Way

[Nick]

Three weeks. That's how long I waited before I could find out what happened with Harley.

Three weeks of wondering, hearing the gossip, the lies and just being completely paranoid. Sure, Kevin, AJ and Howie stopped by to see me. AJ said he had talked to Harley and it was just her blood pressure that caused her to passed out again. I knew that was a lie.

My Mom even flew out to see me. I didn't hear from Brian so I couldn't ask him to check on Harley for me. I couldn't piss Harley off even more so I couldn't tell anybody that she was pregnant. I couldn't find out anything.

It killed me.

I couldn't sleep at night. I couldn't sleep in the daytime. I couldn't do anything. I came close to telling Kevin a few times but I knew he would be even more disappointed in me. So I confided in a therapist at the center in a private session. We discussed everything from my childhood, me becoming famous, Harley, the guys, Paris, the breakups, the makeups and everything in between. I even confided in him about the baby.

After talking with him, it finally hit me why I got so freaked out. I didn't want to become like my parents.

They fought all the time... even though they stayed married until us kids were mostly grown. I didn't want to end up hating Harley like my parents hated one another. I got to thinking about all the stuff my parents got to experience with me though and then I thought about all the stuff I was going to experience with the baby.

And that's when I realized that I knew what I wanted to be. I realized that I didn't want to just be the cool uncle who deep down still loved her mother. I wanted to be her father, even though that scared me, I knew that's what I wanted to be. And I wanted to be with Harley, with no more friends with benefits shit. I wanted to be back with her for good, but I knew after the arrest, that wish probably wasn't going to come true. I wanted to make it happen.

But I knew where I was going the moment I stepped out of the Betty Ford Center – Atlanta.

[/Nick]

[June 2006]

Nick pulled up to the security gate at Harley's house in a Taxi. He got out, giving the guy a tip and watched as he drove off. He had flown into Atlanta on the first flight he could get. While waiting on the flight, he looked online and saw nothing about Harley being pregnant. He couldn't believe it. She was rushed to the hospital and nothing was said about the baby?

He walked up to the speaker, punching in the gate's code.

Denied.

"What the fuck?" Nick muttered, punching it in again. Denied again. He took a deep breath and sighed, punching the button to be let in.

Who is it?

"Mr. Harper," Nick said, recognizing Harley's father's voice. "It's me, Nick. I just got out of the treatment center and I came straight here... I'm going crazy. Can you let me in?

Nick... I'm not sure if that's a good idea...

"I'm going crazy here," Nick said. "Plus, I took a taxi and it's gone. I'd have to walk like fifteen miles, sir." The gate started to open and Nick practically ran up the driveway to see Jon Harper walk onto the front porch. "Sir, I know you hate me but I've been going crazy. I heard that Harley was rushed to the hospital like three weeks ago and I haven't been able to find anything out..."

"Come on in," Jon said as he moved out of the way and noticed Nick had a bag with him. "Planning on staying?"

"I... I don't know," Nick said, looking around the house. "Is Harley here?"

"Sit down, Nick," Jon said as he motioned for Nick to go into the living room. Nick sat down on the sofa and watched as Jon walked by him to sit down next to him. Her father never sat next to him. "First off, how are you?"

"I'm fine, I'm just, I'm worried about Harley," he said, looking at her father. "Harley had my phone privileges taken away and I couldn't call and I've been going out of my mind. I need to see her. I need to tell her that I'm ready for the baby and that I'm ready to be a father." Jon sighed and shook his head. "I am. I promise I'm ready. I had a month to think about this and it's all I've thought about. So, was Harley okay? Kevin said that he was told it was her blood pressure."

"Her placenta started to tear more," Jon said as Nick stared at him. "I went upstairs and she was lying there in bed, in blood and didn't realize it so I called 911 and she was rushed to the hospital."

"She's okay, right?" Nick asked as Jon nodded. "Did they admit her to keep her for observation or whatever that stuff is?"

"They had to perform an emergency C-Section, Nick, to deliver the baby," Jon said as he looked at Nick. Nick's eyes were tearing up. His face was turning pale. "The placenta tore so the baby wasn't getting any oxygen from Harley's blood. The baby's heart rate started dropping fast and they had to take her in. Harley lost a lot of blood."

"When did she have it? The night she was rushed to the hospital?" Nick asked as Jon nodded. "Where are they now? How's the baby?" Jon just stared at Nick, not saying anything. "Sir, where's Harley?"

"Harley's upstairs," Jon said.

"Where's Ella? Did she still name her Ella?" Nick asked as Jon shook his head. "What did she name her?"

"Ella, like she said she was."

"Then, where is she? She's what, three weeks old and I haven't even seen her yet," Nick said as he started to stand up and walk out of the living room.

"Nick," Jon said as Nick turned around, looking at him. "The baby didn't make it." Nick stared at him, not believing a word he was saying. "She... she went too long without oxygen before they could get Harley into surgery."

"Please tell me this is some sick joke that you two are trying to get me on because I fucked up," Nick said as Jon shook his head. "You mean to tell me that the baby's gone and nobody called to tell me?" Jon noticed how upset Nick was getting. His face was turning read. There was some weird vein in the side of his neck that looked like it was going to pop.

"She tried... I know for a fact that she tried but she didn't know what to say," Jon said as Nick put his hands over his eyes, wiping away the tears.

Nick turned around and started running upstairs. He ran down the hall to where the nursery was going to be to see that everything was boxed up. The pink wallpaper had been ripped down. The crib that they had picked out together online was gone.

Nick backed out of the room, and walked towards the double doors of Harley's bedroom. He opened the door slowly, seeing how dark it was in the room and saw her curled up in bed, under a blanket. He walked in, closing the doors slowly and walked towards her bed.

"Daddy, I'm not in the mood to talk," Harley whispered.

"It's me," Nick said softly as Harley lifted her head and looked back at Nick. Nick knew his eyes look a lot like hers, puffy from crying and empty. "Your Dad told me."

"Just go," Harley whispered, turning her head back to face the opposite direction.

"Baby, I tried to find out but they wouldn't let me call anybody," Nick said, walking around her bed and kneeling down on his knees so that he could face her. "I got out of there and I came straight here. I had no idea."

"I didn't even get to hold her, Nick... I didn't even see her..."

"I came here to tell you that I made my choice, that I wanted to be her Daddy..."

"Well it's too late now," Harley whispered. "You made your choice and the stress from it killed my baby..."

"Our baby...'

"Was she ever really yours, Nick?" Harley asked, staring at him. "To you, she was just something that scared you. She was something that you thought would make you grow up and be a man and that scared you..."

"That's not what scared me..."

"Well to me, she was everything!" Harley yelled, sitting up in bed and looked down at Nick. "I didn't get my fairy tale love or my fairy tale wedding. My Prince Charming didn't find me to give me my glass slipper back. But I had Ella and that's all I wanted and I couldn't even have that because of you."

"Harley, it wasn't my fault..."

"You might not have been here when I started bleeding or was at the hospital when they saw she wasn't breathing and her heart had stopped, but it's your fault," Harley hissed. "And I don't know if I can ever forgive you for that. I hope the partying and the blow was worth it, Nick."

"Harley, please," Nick said as he started to stand up and she glared at him. He'd never seen that look on her face before. He'd never seen that look in her eyes. Not when she glared at him while walking with Paris Hilton down the red carpet or when she knew he had been doing things with other girls. He'd never seen that look in her eyes before... ever.

"Get out, Nick," Harley said, clinching her teeth together.

"You need to talk to someone..."

"I don't want to talk to you!" she screamed at the top of her lungs, staring at him. "I'm fine, Nick. I'm grieving. I'm upset and I'll move on, but I do not want to talk to you about anything."

"Why didn't you call and tell me?!?" he finally screamed back, moving away from her bed. "Three fucking weeks, Harley. For three weeks I've been out of my mind thinking something was wrong or that you had the baby, or, well, you just don't know the shit that was running through my head. You could have called!"

"I tried to call!" she screamed, crawling to her knees. Her long, dark hair was sticking to her face because of her tears. "How the hell was I supposed to tell you that she was gone over the phone, Nick?! What was I supposed to say? 'Oh hey, Nick. Your daughter's dead. Have a nice life!' No! I couldn't do it!"

Nick watched Harley as she put her hands over her face, crying hysterically. She started trying to catch her breath but she was crying so hard she couldn't. He started walking closer to her and started to wrap his arms around her when she pushed him back.

"Don't touch me! Don't ever fucking touch me again," she hissed. "Just go. Go back to California. Go back to your lifestyle that you love so much. Get drunk. Get high. Just get the fuck out of here."

"I don't hate you for not telling me," Nick whispered as she shook her head. "I thought I would come back and I'd finally win you back and we'd have Ella," he said as his voice started cracking.

"Nick, I'm begging you," Harley whispered, moving her hands from her face. "Just go."

"Harley..."

"Please, go."

Nick sighed, wiping the tears from his face as he walked out of her bedroom, shutting the door behind him. He looked down at the nursery one more time before making his way down the hallway and to the stairs.

As he made his way down the stairs, all he could think about was the look in her eyes. How she talked to him. How angry she was. He wondered if she really did blame him for the baby dying.

"I called you a taxi," Jon said as Nick looked over at him. "I knew that wasn't going to go well."

"She blames me," Nick whispered, running his hands over his face. "Fuck, it probably is my fault."

"It was a lot of things," Jon said as Nick looked at him. "But she wanted this baby. I'd never seen her want something so bad in her life. At least you weren't the one who had to tell her the news." Nick shook his head, wiping his nose with his wrist. "I know you were scared but I could tell you wanted her, too." Nick nodded, not saying anything. He didn't know what to say.

"Didn't really hit me until I was in the clinic," Nick finally whispered. "Did you have a funeral?"

"No, Harley didn't want to. She's buried next to Patsy back home," Jon said as Nick nodded. "We don't have a tombstone yet or anything so it's just a small holder there with some pink flowers for the time being."

"What did she name her?"

"She gave her your last name if that's what you're asking," Jon said as Nick started getting chocked up again.

"How did this not leak..."

"Gag orders basically," Jon said as Nick nodded. "She was in a private section of the hospital, but I'm sure it will leak eventually."

"Do you think Harley's ever going to talk to me again?" Nick asked, picking up his bag that was next to the front door. He saw the taxi pull up at the front gate and looked back at her father.

"Honestly? I don't know," Jon said as Nick nodded, making his way out of the house.

He made his way down the driveway, thinking about everything that Harley had said to him. How it was his fault that the baby died, that he caused her more stress after getting arrested. That part was true. He knew he had one that and that's why he kept calling her, to check on her. But was it really his fault that Ella died?

As he tossed his bag into the backseat of the cab and started to climb in, he looked up, seeing Harley looking out the window of what would have been the nursery.

The baby dying may not have been his fault, but he sure felt like it was.