Improve Your Writing : Critique Shop

After Fiction

After Fiction by kweenixie
Critic(s): rainbowbleed

| TITLE

- bago at kakaiba ang title na 'AFTER FICTION' ng istorya dahil pasok iyon sa content at concept nito.
- 'PAGKATAPOS NG IMAHINASYON' anong  nangyayare sa karakter at kwento na iyong binuo? — Iyon ang tanong na pumasok sa isip ko sa titulong iyon.
- Mahigsi lang pero doon palang interesado na yung reader. Approved iyon.

| BOOK COVER

- based on the concept, the genre its under which is multi-genre: romance, fantasy, humor and action ( correct me if I'm wrong). Hindi bagay yung book cover sa gustong ipunto ng storyang binubuo mo. Magbibigay siya ng ibang meaning sa mata ng reader. It could be a romantic genre or different one.
- change book cover is an option.
BLURB
- mahaba pero nandoon naman yung one of the keys which is a catch phrase, catchy sentence, catchy ending word. Good.
- try mong two paragraph only. Edit once again and delete some sentence or words. Blurb palang yan pero too detailed na. Sakto pero hindi kulang at hindi sobra.

| PROLOGUE

- Nice opening for this story. First person at show dont tell are good. Present time ang setting nito at iyon yung nung nagising si Brielle. Interesting na agad kasi ito yung parang patikim sa gitna mo as a writer.

| PLOT

- self versus self. Kasi ito yung imagination niya put into writing and then become a real imagination world.
- bago din ito para sa akin. Sa tingin pinaghalo-halo siyang plot ng ibat ibang storya in a experimental and unique ways.
- mahaba pa ito eh. I think half of the story is the past which was rising to climax then fall and resolution is the present. Parang nagsusulat ka ng storya na nagsusulat ng storya. Hirap noon.

| NARRATION

- Again, first person and show don't tell is present. Sa dialouge tags kailangan pa ng editing and more practice of writing. Emotion and action sycronized it. Kumbaga sa action pa lang ng character mo kita mo na ang emotion niya.
- strike momentum each plot scene. As the storyline keep moving forward, keep the momentum kasi magiging filler lang ang chapter mo. Exciting pa naman yung hype na binibigay ng storya mo. Something mysterious din siya.
- cliffhanger must be a BIGBANG.
- punctuation and wrong grammar are present. Pero sa huli mo na i-edit iyon.
FLOW
This is fictional story that has plot of fictional story. Hindi ko alam kung paano yung transition ng reyalidad sa imagination pa din. Italic font may help the appearance of the difference between scenes and sentences.

Sa susunod try mong magtransition ng scene ng hindi nagiiba ang flow pero makikita mo yung difference sa treatment ng istorya. Practice writing.

| OVERALL

After Fiction is a good story with unique title, new plot experiment. Sa tingin ko may sumubok na  ng ganito pero iilan lang ang matapang. Momentum mahalaga iyon pero hindi filler chapter kasi minsan ganoon ang vibe ng ganitong storya. Practice pa. Maayos ang narration ng istorya. Lumalabas nga lang minsan yung vibe ng mandirigmang wattpad writing. Parang ganito iyon noon eh part din ng story yung author kasi may POV din sila sa sarili nilang storya. Ganoon iyon pero padayon lamang sa pagsusulat, kweenixie.