Smothered Magic- ACOMAF Fanfic

23- Feyre

Counting the bricks had at last become tedious. Now I counted the hours; hours since Yuel last came, hours until I would leave, hours since the sun went down.

Nineteen, thirty-three, seven.

I don't actually know when Yuel is planning to leave, drag me back to hell. I also don't know when an hour truly passes by, but I do my best to guess. And if I am off by an hour or two, what will I miss? What do I have to lose?

Embarrassment and shame force a blush onto my face to think that just this morning- last morning- I had still had the tiniest sliver of hope. Hope that Rhys could come. Hope that Mor and Cass would bust down the down with Azriel keeping an eye out for danger. Amren would be back home, holding the fort, but would have been involved in her own ways.

Just hours ago I had hope.

I spent the rest of the day crying small, pitiful tears. Gone were the desperate and pained sobs. Gone were the loud cries, hoping for someone to hear. All that was left were whimpering, scared tears that delicately slid down my cheek.

When the sun had finally gone down, I started counting the hours. Seven hours later, I sit against the wall, unmoving, save for the subtle shake of my tear-stricken shoulders.

My shoulder is still dislocated. I had expected Yuel to fix it, since he'd said I needed to be strong. And yet, he left it. Left me- broken and trembling- alone in the cell with nothing but a bag of food and my solitary fears.

I'd be damned if he expected me to so much as open the bag of "food." I haven't even moved it away from my feet, where he had thrown it. Why would I? Why should I?

I lifted my chin from where it had been resting on my chest ahd allowed my head to lay against the wall, allowing the blistering heat to invade my body. Why should I care if I burn?

Why should I care about anything anymore? I have no need to worry about my shoulder or my cuts- Tamlin will have them healed. I don't need to worry about starving; Tamlin will use magic to force food down my throat, if necessary. Tamlin would allow his eyes to burn into my skin, stressing over every imperfection, but relieved to have me back. He would have his healers scan every inch of my skin, just to make sure I am back to perfect condition: a collector's edition of the mortal girl who broke the curse out of love and now lived happily ever after. But he wouldn't care as much to ask me how I feel. What I needed. My head and thoughts and passions and desires would rot away in that house. I'd turn into the empty-headed, doe-eyed, submissive yet beautiful- in an emaciated sort of way- wife to the High Lord of Spring Court.

So why should I care anymore? What good will my thoughts do me once I am dragged back to Spring Court?

Even thinking of Rhys and my family seemed useless; they're safe.

They're safe.

They're safe.

They're safe.

Mor would miss me, her friend. But soon she'd return to the bars and pubs she loved to dance the night away at, moving on. Cassian would be furious and fuming when they finally call off the search, if there was still one going on. But he'd be back to taunting our family and sparring soon enough. Azriel would go mad knowing even his spies couldn't find me, but I hope it wouldn't be too long before just seeing Mor flip her hair or laugh music into the air would be enough to again fight the demons off.

Amren has lived long enough to know loss and how to move on. She'll be a pillar for the others. I just hope they allow her to be.

And my mate, Rhys. He won't stop looking for much longer than the others, but he's smart. One day he'll realize he needs to move on, accept that I'm gone. I hope he will. I hope he knows I want him to move on, be happy, stop Hybern. That he doesn't need to fight, give for me.

Oh god, Rhys. Please don't give herself away for me.

And just like that, the worries that I had fought so hard to keep away, flood back over me. I feel like I'm drowning in them.

Rhys in bed with Amaratha. Rhys forcing on his mask to play the villain. Rhys...

Rhys

Rhys

Rhys

Hey guys!! OMG I CANNOT believe we have over 400 views on this story... AHHH!! That is INSANE! Thank you SO much!! Also, I am so sorry for not posting as much the last few days!  I've been trying to straighten out the timeline and *plot details* so that this story is at least a little organized haha.  I neverrr thought this story idea- which came to me in a dream- would EVER be this long.. like wow.  I expected it to be like maybeeee 10 sections? But, nope.  Here we are.  Here I am, still writing, and you are, still reading.  So, thank you.  I appreciate you sticking with me SO much!  Although, we are starting to wind down (or up) and this story is getting closer and closer to being finished!  What POVs do you want more of before it's finished?  Any ideas to make it better? Please let me know!! As always, please vote and comment so my story can be read by many other ACOTAR lovers!  All love :)

Edit- this is ranked 88 out of 4k #fae stories?!  Again, that is INSANE!!