Beat ☯ ashton irwin

one

| J a y d e n|

my body gently rocked, making the objects out my window that much harder to view.

the steel colored sky that clouded the views my eyes struggled to see, softly blurred the distorted waves of fern with specks of umber passed by in morph-speed. 

my ears catching meaningless conversations, the faint sound of several crying children - parents not doing a damn thing to hush them, a toilet flushing followed by the faint buzzing of the music coming from the guy behind me.

all mixed together with the rumbling of the wheels against the road.

this has been my soundtrack the whole ride.

no stop or pause button.

no way to turn it down or simply turn it off.

nope, because sadly life doesn't work like a music player.

so i was left with this pure unfiltered, unwanted soundtrack that played the same song.

i'll admit at times, to different ears, it played different, but in the end, every soundtrack sounds the same.

i think i've gotten to the point in life that, if i tried really hard, i could find the volume button on life.

slowly tuning out every single sound until i hear deafening silence. 

in order to understand this weird fucked up world, i find its good to turn it off and submerge in complete silence.

because one thing i learned is that silence is, and always will be, a true friend because no matter what it won't betray you.

silence is a loner, like myself.

but, like all friends, you have to watch out for them.

because even though it feels like a wave crashing over you washing away everything that is pulling you down - it snags onto your leg, and pulls you down as well. you see, silence is great - but its a sly enemy.

once it gets too quiet, the silence becomes too loud and you arrive in a state of sadness.

that's when the sound of the world creeps in, making the weird fucked up world we live in not so weird.

.

i must've dosed off because my body jolted as the tires beneath me screeched to a halt; ending the soundtrack of life - at least life on this bus.

the sound hissing of the door opening, followed with a husky voice saying "welcome to California."

umpteen hours later - i finally made it.

i waited for everyone to get off before rising from my chair.

my arm raised overhead, retrieving a faded grey duffle bag that i swung over my shoulder.

i didn't have that much stuff anyways.

my worn out black combat boots clicked against the aisle. the husky driver stopped to wish me a personal farewell greeting.

before i could turn off of the bus, my eyes caught a girl in the mirror.

although the right half of her face was masked with hair, striking features still stood out.

her eyes tired, yet dressed with moderately heavy black eye liner.

nose gleaming from the silver ring that hung down like a bull. black jeans with slits on the knees, revealing her fair olive skin - along with a few faded bruises. 

but what caught her eye, was buried underneath her hair, on her face – a white gauze. held with blue medical tape, stained with a dark crusted red. her eyes welted, images of the scar that hides underneath the dirty square projected like a bad horror film.

..

he pulled back my hair, placing soft kisses on my neck. his hand softly caressing the skin of my back as i sat on top of the toilet. the dark of his eyes looked to me through the mirror. "it didn't have to go like this you know?" his voice made me cringe in disgust.
"but i think you like when i'm like that. i think you get a rise out of it. but," he sighed, stopping the caressing of my skin.

leaving me internally relieved i no longer have to feel the touch of him. he walked in front of me kneeling down, so we were eye level. "now you've done messed up that pretty little face of yours."

his fingers reunited with my skin, smoothing the part of my skin that wasn't torn open. I twitched at his touch, while he smile. "but don't fret. i forgive you, and i still love you." his lips

landed on my forehead before he pushed up. his footsteps neared the bathroom door, leaving me to tend to the wound he caused. "no one will love you as much as me. no one's love could ever overpower this love we have, Jayden."
.

"miss," a husky voice pulled me away from the horror playing on the big screen in my mind.

my eyes blinked frantically before turning towards him. the name, "Jeff" read the faded nametag pinned to his left breast.

"i hope you enjoy your new life here, miss." he reached out to touch my hand, but as reflex, i pulled back. he solemnly nodded his head, i did the same.

no amount of words could ever express my gratitude for him letting me ride free of charge. i hope someday i can properly thank Jeff.

stepping off of the bus was nerve wrecking.

although i was thousands of miles away, i couldn't shake this feeling.

that no matter where i go, no matter what i do, i will never feel alive. . .because my father has been killing me for years.