Strangers to Us: Vol. 2

Chapter 2: Insecurity

"You okay, Gulf?" suddenly Mew's voice entered his ears indicating they have reached the place.

"hmmm" Gulf nodded.

Mew wondered at the sudden silence of Gulf. There was something wrong with him, he noticed. Was he having second thoughts? He feared. But up until then, they were doing fine. It was Gulf who even admitted his feelings. Did he mind because I didn't answer him back?

"Hey Gulf, let's grab lunch together a little later." said Mew as the two separated to their own working place. Lately, Mew had been having some extra drum classes during which Gulf was practicing some scene with another actress called Vanida who was playing his supposed love interest in a couple of episodes.

********

Noon came sooner than expected while re-running the lines. Gulf stood on the terrace waiting for Mew as he lit a cigarette, hoping to dismiss himself from all the stress. He knew he was happy and loved the idea of being with Mew, but he was bothered by something he really doesn't know. Maybe it was the sudden changes taking place in his life that didn't made sense. Or maybe it was the pressure of telling his family and the world, eventually, that he was dating a man. Or the fact that he had slept with a man which meant he no longer would be able to look at himself in the same way.

He was no longer sure how ready he was to throw away his old-self and embrace the new him.

"Mind if I join?" suddenly Vanida stood beside him which made him quickly try to extinguish his cigarette.

"That's not necessary" she said laughing, "I actually would want one if you don't mind sharing". She said putting her hairs on her ear folds.

Gulf slighted a smile awkwardly and gave her the pack.

"I wouldn't have figured you smoke" she said returning him the pack.

He knows he was not a heavy smoker therefore, he did not like the idea of people perceiving him as a smoker, hence, he regretted for being dumb enough to smoke in the open space. "I don't smoke often, unless I'm stress" he answered calmly.

"Was the workshop stressful today?" she asks as the wind flagged her brunette, curly hair while she exhaled the smoke. The two had been practicing their scene together and hence, had become comfortable but not close enough to be honest about their feeling.

"I think it's easy working with you". Said Gulf.

"You really mean that? This is my first series and I am extremely exhausted."

"Well, for a newbie, you're doing a pretty good job. Besides, in this genre, this is my—"

"Gulf?" suddenly Mew was behind them. Quickly the duo tossed off their cigarette and turned at Mew. "I couldn't reach your phone so I was looking for you". Mew continued looking in between Gulf and Vanida as she greeted the elder man politely.

"I actually was waiting for you". Gulf answered. He then turned to Vanida, excused himself and left the terrace together with Mew. "How long have you been searching for me?" he asked as they reach the car.

"Not very long. I actually am very hungry."

"I was working with Vanida today the entire day." Gulf said as they entered into his car.

"That's great. She seems like a nice person. By the way Gulf, I didn't know you smoke."

And suddenly Gulf stiffened while an inexpiable guilt occurred inside him. "I don't smoke much. I was just a little stressed out today". He said

"Well, you can try talking to me if you're stress instead of taking it out on cigarette." Mew murmured lowly, "anyway, what do you want for lunch?" he quickly shifted the conversation and started the car.

Although, Mew did not over react, Gulf felt the tension between them. "I'd love to eat noodles today". He said, uneasily.

"Do you have any favorite place to go? I actually know a place where they serve good noodles." Mew added nonchalantly and Gulf noticed, he was trying to avoid the talk.

"Well as long as it's food, I'm okay. So, do you think we'll be shooting tonight?"

"Maybe. We have a rehearsal in the studio later. I was told we'll be shooting for the MV." Said Mew staring into the distance, his eyes no longer sparkling like it used to. "Would you like us to have dinner together tonight?"

"Tonight? I actually have plans with Mark. He wants to have a game night" He said, knowing it was a lie. The truth was he needed some time alone.

"Oh, you didn't tell me much about the game you play?"

"I actually play Mobile Legend and Pub G a lot."

"We can play together if you want" Mew proposed, glancing at him for a moment.

"Oh, you play too?"

"I'm actually really good with it."

"If that's the case, I can add you in the group."

A brief silence followed. "Is something bothering you, Gulf? You seem low from this morning". Mew ask and it alerted Gulf's consciousness. "By any chance, you don't regret about us, do you?" On hearing that, a chill shoot down his spine. He was certain he enjoyed and treasured the man he was with. Otherwise, he wouldn't have made love with him the previous night. However, the undeniable truth was, his thoughts were no longer clear. There was something strange that was going on about him and he could not figure out what.

"Why do you think I'd regret it?" Gulf ask, a little pompously.

"Don't get me wrong. I just caught you smoking which I am not very happy with, you said you were stress and you definitely don't look happy." Mew explained politely. "You seem very distant, today". He concluded and parked the car outside a restaurant.

Gulf listened to him in silence. He realized he was not being completely fair to him. Most people are too busy composing text messages and making plans in the early days of new relationships, but here he was feeling awkward and numb. He wants to be a good boyfriend; plan romantic dinner, take him out to a movie and care for the person he loves but he just couldn't seem to do it. Perhaps, it was the maturity Mew had over him both in his age and profession. As a man, he wanted to be the provider and lead the relationship, but this time, he was neither the leader nor was he able to be the partner he wishes to be.

"I guess I'm just having one of those days". He lied following after his boyfriend to the restaurant.

***

Note:

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