i don't want to live in a world without you

Chapter 9

"You were born without a heartbeat," Jeralt tells her. "I don't know much about the circumstances, but you were born without a heartbeat, and your mother sacrificed herself to save you. That is how Rhea tells it, and somehow, something that she did ensured your survival, but even back then...you know that you don't have a heartbeat still, don't you?"

"I...did notice that," she admits, wondering how strange she must seem, having known this all along and simply taken it in stride.

"You have a pulse and you're most definitely alive, but your heart is as still as it was the day you were born," he explains. "There was something odd about you, and something odd about Rhea's behavior after you were born. Honestly, I'd wondered about her before that, when I first started getting close to your mother. They were close, but there was something about the way she looked at her...and then there was you. I didn't know what she planned to do with you, but I didn't want to find out. That's why we ran away."

"So, when we first came here, you..."

"Lied to her, yeah. She saw right through me, of course. She knew you were your mother's daughter at a glance, but we both pretended you were born later, even though you were too old for that," he says. "Whatever she had in mind, she was glad to have you back, but then, you didn't choose her."

"I still think that I made the right choice," Byleth says, almost to herself. But knowing her father's reason for not trusting Rhea does help confirm that she did the right thing.

"I don't know much more than that, honestly," he says. "Part of why I tried not to tell you about it all is it seems like it just complicates things, without offering any real explanation. I wondered if you really needed to know the circumstances of your birth, but then when we returned to the monastery, it became harder to keep it to myself, and I wondered if I should tell you, or if I should have told you sooner."

"Rhea might not be able to tell us more. It might take a long time before I can understand her reasons, because I'm not sure she will be willing to say anything, or if she will even have a chance on the battlefield. But I know that if I had chosen her, I would have been kept in the dark, and used as her pawn. I still think that I did the right thing."

"It's like I told you all those years ago, when I told you to just go with what you thought was right. I knew you would make the right choice," he says.

"Did you want me to go against the church?" asks Byleth.

"Well, it certainly seemed like a nice option. On the other hand, I wouldn't have blamed you for siding against the Empire because Edelgard is forced to work with...well, them ." They don't often mention the ones pulling the strings, the ones who hurt him and nearly killed him. It is an ugly reality, but either side would have required working with someone that they could not fully trust. At the very least, she knows that Edelgard is only biding her time, that Hubert already has plans to push them entirely out of the picture, once the war is won and they are no longer in need of their assistance.

"I wanted to stay with my students."

"And I wanted to stay with you. No matter what." The more they talk to each other like this, the easier it is to get back to the way that they were before. At first, the differences that occurred over their time apart made it difficult, and their desperation to cling to one another left them too distracted to do anything at all, much less find some way to bridge the gap left between the two of them.

But now, they talk openly, about their lives before and about the secrets he has kept from her, about her decision and the battles to come, and the fact that, no matter where life takes them, they will still always stay together. They have come such a long way together, always sticking together, and slowly, it begins to feel like old times again.