i don't want to live in a world without you

Chapter 5

Years.

That is how long Jeralt has lived without Byleth.

Years, with days that start to blend together, until it is impossible to tell how much time is really passing. It has never been this bad before, not even when he lost Sitri, but that is because he had a purpose then. He had Byleth then, and he does not have her now, and the only reason he is still alive is because he at least wants to see this war through, to see Byleth's last choice through.

When she was a baby, the only thing on his mind was getting her the hell out of there, getting her away from Rhea's watch. Jeralt has never understood the archbishop, something that remains true even now that he has fully betrayed her. Back then, he knew something had happened, when Sitri died and when Byleth was born, when Rhea saved his daughter in exchange for his wife.

Before then, even, he had begun to suspect something strange involving Sitri's circumstances, and it had always been his goal to get her away too, to find a way to make it work without Rhea watching over her. He did not have that chance with his wife, but he did with Byleth, and they escaped together. Years were spent in hiding, building up a new reputation for himself, and in that time, the church probably could have found them, but Rhea was smart enough to keep her distance.

In the meantime, he was not supposed to fall in love with his own child. At first, he tried to convince himself that it was nostalgia, or that he had not properly processed his grief. He saw too much of Sitri in her, and got confused- he should drink less, maybe. But the more time passed, the more he understood that, while she shared in her mother's beauty and difficulty expressing herself, Byleth was entirely her own person, and even knowing this, even knowing that it was not simply because he saw Sitri in her, Jeralt fell in love with his own daughter.

He never should have gone back to the monastery. If anyone other than Alois had found him, he may have been able to get away again, killing witnesses if he had to, making it look as if the bandits had done it all, and disappeared for a while. But it was Alois, and he could not harm the boy- now a man- who was like family to him. He followed him back, allowing Byleth to fall right back into Rhea's plans, and began to plan another escape.

But Byleth loved her work as a professor, bonding with the Black Eagle house, and even managing to win over students in other houses, until they were requesting transfers left and right. She was happier than she had ever been, expressing herself more easily and he could not bring himself to take her away from it. He wondered if he should tell her more about her mother, about the past that he had kept hidden, when she first came onto him.

Jeralt had always kept his feelings for her to himself, trying to be a decent father despite his unnatural lust, but when faced with Byleth's feelings, when forced to accept that her feelings mirrored his, he could not resist her, and no amount of guilt or regret could stop him from letting her back into his bed.

She had become bold, bold enough to take what she wanted from him, and the two were soon closer than they had ever been, knowing to keep their relationship a secret. Everything was starting to fall into place, and his concerns were beginning to fade away, when they got sucked into a plot beyond anything that he could have imagined when trying to protect her from Rhea.

There was a war brewing all along, and one of her students, the house leader and imperial princess Edelgard, was going to start it. Byleth chose her side, and so did Jeralt, after promising to follow her wherever she would lead. She had her reasons to trust Edelgard despite who some of her allies were, and her reasons to distrust the archbishop. Jeralt never once faulted her for her decision, and was willing to see this through to the end.