Dear, Miss Violet. ✔

Chapter 42

He stepped back again and touched his hand to his head. It hurt like the devil.

"Simon!" Violet exclaimed "what is wrong? Are you fine? You look so blue!"

He slapped his hands to his ears and ran out of the shop. 

Panting and sweating, Simon walked to the nearby garden and sat on the bench with his head in his hands.

It had taken him 1 year, 4 months, and 18 days to stop the voices in his head. 

And still, at times they returned. It became too heavy to bear, what with the excess pressure of being an earl.

He ran his hands through his hair, massaging the scalp lightly. The moisture in his eyes reminded him that it had taken him all his will and courage to be so strong and hard like he was. 

But still he felt a tear roll down his left eye. He instantly brushed it off and clenched the bench. The pain at his knuckles somehow lessened the pain that he felt at his soul.

Simon sat in utter silence for 21 minutes, before Violet came running to him.

From afar, as he watched absentmindedly, she looked really different. She'd changed to her original gown, and must've done so quite hastily because her gown had creases and it did not look as crisp as it did before.

Her blonde hair shone like a beacon and her cheeks were highly flushed.

The moment she got to his side, she panted like a lifeless puppy trying to breathe itself to life.

She sat down beside him, her tiredness making her body shake vigorously "I..you.. I was search-searching f-for y-you.."

He looked at her. She still looked gorgeous.

"Simon?" Violet said finally after three minutes of quietude "are you alright? What is the matter with you?"

He closed his eyes "sorry."

"Why?" she asked "what is it? Wh-why did you clap your hands to your ears like that and just run away from the shop?"

He opened his eyes and turned his body to her "I just had a bad memory hit me suddenly.."

"Oh dear" Violet said, placing her hand over his cravat and snaking it upward to touch his chin.

Simon held her hand and kept it down "Violet, we are in public..."

"I don't care" she said sharply "not when you're clearly so upset."

"I-" Simon gulped.

"You what?" Violet said inching a centimetre toward him "what is it that is hurting you so much?"

That was when Simon broke down. He cried small tears, but still, he cried. Luckily no one was around except for an old lady and probably her grandson.

He sobbed silently and from the corner of his eyes he could see Violet's dilated eyes, but she didn't speak.

She sat there silently, her hand rubbing his back incessantly. Simon closed the distance between them and took her hand. He kissed it and cried again.

There was so much in his heart that hurt him. That particular memory had scarred him for life and it was next to impossible to come out of it. Everyday, everyday he woke up with that memory juggling at the back of his mind. Every word of that conversation, that disastrous conversation was fresh in his mind. And he could never forget those words, no matter how hard he tried.

"Simon, oh Simon.." Violet said, kissing him on his cheek.

"Violet" he sniffed, choking back a few fat sobs "Violet- I wish I could love you...I REALLY WISH.." he said and cried again, a little loudly "but I am not meant for you, my dear. We are not supposed to be to-together."

He broke down again "because If we somehow stay together, it would hurt me to have you. I can't, because my past will never allow me to be with you. My- my past has killed me. And whatever it is that is remaining of me, wants you. But it also cares for you, and if I have you...it would...it would-"

Violet's shocked state scared him "it would what, Simon?"

"Nothing" Simon said, wiping his tears. He abruptly let go of Violet's hand as he stood. No. He had no right to put her life in danger. He needed her, but he did not deserve her. She deserved a man who could protect her and not one who put her life in danger. She needed a man who could nurture her and just make sure she was safe. Because, his own existence in her life cut her out from safety.

"Simon?" she asked, her eyes shattered and her face crumpled.

It broke his heart as he said "just..just don't meet me again. Please. We- we can't be together."

Saying this, he turned on his heel and left.