fragile

[4] break

it was eddy's first week at work. everything was going by smoothly. he's made some friends, and the head researcher dr. hilary hahn was warm to him. eddy has charm like that. it didn't matter that one desk was always empty throughout the week. eddy asked his coworkers about it and they all said the same thing: he was on leave. eddy shrugged it off and decided that he'll meet this coworker soon enough, anyway. he can introduce himself by then.

brett furiously wanted to be okay. he hated not being able to go to work. but it is necessary to take breaks, like dr. hahn said. ray had been checking up on him every now and then, but brett's health is his sole responsibility. he shouldn't burden others with his own sadness. but the real mystery is, brett thinks he should be happy. he has every reason to be. he has a roof over his head, food in his fridge, a support group...

but he still feels empty. he couldn't quite figure out why.

brett has been crying himself to sleep for the past few days. the tremor in his hands were still there, no matter how much he closed his eyes shut and wished them gone. how can the hands that have been calloused by lab work all his life suddenly fail him now? brett breathed in and breathed out, recalling how this had helped him calm down through numerous meltdowns in the past.

he remembered what it's like to hold a scalpel for dissection, to hold a micropipette, to open the biosafety cabinet, to twist the knob of the microscope. it's these mundane things that kept him sane, but without any of these at home, he can only cling to memory.

ironic how he works for a lab dedicated to studying neurodegenerative diseases when he couldn't even understand his own degrading brain. 'i want to help other people remember,' brett always comes back to this thought every time he forgets his purpose. he draws strength in wanting to help, in wanting to discover something bigger than himself. brett has heart like that.

***

to say eddy was fed up is an understatement. he can't believe he was receiving a call from sophie in the middle of preparing a solution. of all the tasks that can receive interruption, it's this one where you have to pay attention to everything you are measuring. his coworker was gesturing to eddy through the glass wall that connected the office and the lab. eddy's coworker mouthed, "emergency," while holding the office landline.

eddy rolled his eyes. it could only be one person, anyway. he dropped whatever he was doing and rushed to the office. "eddy, can we talk..." sophie's voice trailed off. "what's wrong, baby?" eddy softened at his girlfriend's trembling voice on the other end. all his previous annoyance dissipated and was replaced with worry and concern.

"...can you go to my house later? p-please," sophie's voice broke. eddy was comforting her by repeatedly saying, "it's okay, soph. we'll be okay. i'll go straight to your house later, i promise," eddy gritted his teeth behind his pursed lips, mad at himself for not being there with sophie right now. he was worried, too. he hasn't seen sophie in ages because of how busy he became. "promise you'll take care of yourself for the rest of the day, yea? drink some water after you put down the phone, okay?" eddy reminded. sophie hummed in response. "i love you..." eddy said softly. "i love you, too, eddy." sophie replied. she hung up.

"brett, why are you back so soon?" eddy overheard a surprised dr. hahn in the break room during lunch. eddy went inside since he wanted to pour himself a cup of coffee. he didn't want to eavesdrop, but he couldn't help it. he looked at dr. hahn for a brief moment, then at the man she was talking to. eddy hasn't seen the man around the building, but he can't deny the fact that he hasn't exactly met everyone yet. there was still a coworker who's missing-

'shit,' eddy thought. brett and eddy locked eyes momentarily before eddy went back to making his coffee. why does the other man look so familar for the both of them, like some old face in a photo? "i feel more at home in the lab than at my own," brett said, "plus my tremors are gone. so i think i'm okay now." dr. hahn nodded, trying to decide whether or not to let her colleague come back just yet. she sighed in defeat. she couldn't hide that they were still pretty much understaffed, especially with the constant flow of brain tissue samples coming in.