Way Back Into Love

11

"John, I..." I started to say but he interrupted me "Erin, I don't wanna force you into anything. I know commitment scares you, so take your time to answer me, okay?". "Okay" I replied as I kissed him.

He was so understanding, and so nice. I wasn't expecting this, I thought it was just another fancy dinner he would take me to when he was feeling happy. I didn't know what to think. Yes, I loved him, but something bothered me. More like, someone. I couldn't stop thinking about that kiss, the one with Jay. I tried to remember when was the last time my heart had beat so fast, and it was years ago, also because of Jay. It's always about him.

I stayed up all night, thinking. Thinking about John and all we had shared, the love I knew he felt for me and the one I felt for him. He was awesome. But a voice inside my head was telling me I had to set him free, because this wasn't fair to him. And it wasn't. I knew it. How could I say yes to him when my heart was beating for someone else?  

6am the sun started to rise, so I decided to put on my gym clothes and go for a run. I needed to clear my mind. I run, and run, and run. I found myself standing in the place where John had proposed. I looked up and I saw on the other side of the sculpture a pair of beautiful blue eyes I recognized. Jay. He saw me looking at him and walked up to me. 

"Hey" he said. "Hey" I replied, staring at the sculpture. I would never admit it but I was angry and hurt, I couldn't believe he had kissed me while he was dating Hailey. I guess you never get to know people completely, I thought. 

"You running 6.30 am now? I thought you hated mornings" he said, with that corky smile of his. 

"I couldn't sleep and I needed to clear my thoughts, and the gym wouldn't be open" I replied, without looking at him. I couldn't face those beautiful blue eyes. 

"Hailey told me you stopped by the other day. I've been meaning to call you but..." he said, trying to make eye contact with me. 

"It's okay, Jay. Don't worry, I won't tell her about what happened." I replied.

"No, you don't get it. I'm not dating her, I..." he started but I interrupted him saying "Jay, you don't have to explain. I gotta leave, I'll see you" and I started to run back to Voight's place. I hadn't made up my mind yet, but I really didn't wanna hear what Jay had to say.