New Beginnings: A Hessa Story (2)

Chapter 5: Hardin

"Hardin, are you sure you're okay with this pregnancy?" She questions me.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Really."

"I just don't want you to feel like I'm forgetting about you or anything." She is giving me the same goddamn lecture as my dad... Ken... gave when Karen was pregnant with Abby.

"I don't feel that way." At least I don't think I do.

"You will always be my first born child of whom I love very much." She smiles at me.

"I know." This conversation is getting a little to stuffy, but while I have her alone in the car, I might as well ask.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course, honey." She perks up, excited that I'm actually talking with her.

"Do you think I'll be a good father?"

Her eyes widen at my question.

"Forget it." I shake my head, embarrassed that I asked her such a personal question.

"Oh, no. Sorry, I'm just... I don't think that at all. You are going to be a wonderful father." She rests her hand on my shoulder, and for once I don't shrug it off.

"I don't know, Mum. I don't have that great of an example for a father to go off of."

"So? Just because Ken wasn't the best father to you, doesn't mean that you won't be the best father to your child. I see how you have changed since I last came to America. You have learned how to feel love and how to show love, so you are ready to have this baby. If you had asked me this question six years ago, I would've been scared out of my mind." She laughs.

When I don't look up at her, she asks me another question.

"Do you resent me?"

"Resent you? For what?" She's probably talking about if I resent her for not telling me about Vance being my father.

"For sending you away, to America." She surprises me by asking.

I remember the day she sent me away. I remember the drive to the airport as she tried to convince me this is the best option for me.

-

"Hardin, it's either Washington State or military school. Make up your mind." She told me when I refused to get in the car.

"I don't want to go to fucking America! Why are you forcing me to do this?"

"You doing that to Natalie was the last straw, Hardin. I have been lenient with you for too long, well, not anymore. You are getting your ass on that plane to Washington, or you are getting your ass on the next bus to military school."

"Mum..." I tried to give her my best doe eyes, which usually did wonders on her.

"No. I'm done. I am so done with you causing trouble here. You need a fresh start, and America can be that fresh start for you."

"I don't need a fresh start. Why can't I just stay here!" I crossed my arms.

"I am doing this because I love you, and you need to be somewhere else right now. Who knows, this can be a turning point in your life."

"You just don't want to deal with my shit anymore, so you're gonna send me to live with Ken? You honestly expect me to do that!" I raised my voice to her.

"I don't expect that immediately, but you should have a relationship with your father. He is a changed man, I know he is very excited for you to come."