The Fighter's Club #Wattys2015Winner

Chapter 26 ◇◇ Til' Death Do Us Part

Like stated in the previous authors note if you don't remember much about the story, please go back and re-read the story.  As always my writing is confusing if you're not paying attention to details especially this chapter.

Sorry in advance for the suffering ya'll about to go through.

Chapter 26- Til' Death Do Us Part

"You can't find intimacy—you can't find home—when you're always hiding behind masks. Intimacy requires a certain level of vulnerability. It requires a certain level of you exposing your fragmented, contradictory self to someone else. You're running the risk of having your core self rejected, hurt and misunderstood."    - Junot Diaz

Three Years Ago

It was something in the air, this strange vague feeling of dreadfulness and content in my gut, I couldn't shake. Things were back to normal if what we had was normal in the first place but that's what bothered me most.

I was so different, everything I believed was different. My body was different and my healing scars and bruises didn't help at all to erase the memories but just rusted the damage that was damaged beyond repair.

A couple of days, one wrong move and a small sip of codeine and some misguided trust and my life changed.

Now I was paying the price.

Most of the time I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me and I can't hardly breathe as though the latitude of my surroundings suddenly got too high and my lungs just couldn't keep up.  It's always worst when I catch Dominic staring at me from time to time, I never catch his eyes but I can feel his heated gaze on me. It always scorching hot and invading, makes my skin crawl, and uncontrollable anger surge through me as violent as ever yet there's still that unfathomable strong fear struck inside of inside me.

Yet now everything is still, frozen almost.. my breathe is calm and steady. The bathroom floor is welcoming these days, it was always cold no matter the temperature outdoors. Something about it balanced me though everything about my situation right now was chaotic and downright psychotic. But when you spend your nights crying yourself to sleep, your days dreadfully only existing never living knowing the fire behind your eyes was dead and now you were cold knew exactly who killed the light inside of you, lived with him, seen him every day but couldn't do anything about it to avenge yourself, then the morning oh god.. the morning were I could barely make it out of bed, drink so much as a sip of water and I was spilling my guts routinely over and over until I was dry heaving the lines kind of blur between whats sanity and insanity.

So here I sat frozen in time, hands over my stomach tears streaming down my face with one, two, three positive pregnancy tests beside me confirming that my biggest fear just came true.

I was pregnant, a baby was growing inside of me and I wasn't even finish being a child myself... Worst of all I didn't even have to the choice in deciding if I wanted to even have sex,  he chose for me and now here I was pregnant with the mans baby who stole my wings from me.

I heard the knock on the door and yelling behind it, I heard the threat to knock it down, the call for me to open the door, the begging but I didn't and couldn't flinch my focus was on trying not to take the straight razor in my pocket and not slide the cold metal across my wrists.

End it all that's practically all I could think of was ending it all, I couldn't win. Take away the pain and the sorrow float away, maybe I'd see my mother again, maybe I'd find peace.