Every Reason Why

ERW7

"Quite a question." he chuckled. Lumabas ang ngiting pinipigilan ko dahil sa tunog ng kanyang tawa. "I guess... because it wasn't from someone else. It will never oppose or dictate you because the decision is from you... you control it because you know what you need the most."

Kumabog ng malakas ang aking dibdib. I don't know what's happening to me. The power of words already has no effect to me. Ang tagal ko na kasing napaglipasan noon. Sa loob ng madaming panahon, iyon ang ginamit ko para pakalmahin ang sarili ko. I overused it already on convincing myself but I got tired of it because even the wisest words don't really stop the pain. But why now...

The things that I wanted to do? In my control and in my own decision... but how could that be possible?

"So, anong gusto mong gawin?"

I blinked my unshed tears away and gaze at him. Nananatili ang tingin niya saakin. His swing is not moving. Nakaupo lang siya doon. He was ducking with his both arms resting on his legs while he's slightly angled on my direction and his eyes are focused on me.

Huminga ako ng malalim at pilit isinantabi ang kabang nararamdaman ko. If he's already my friend, I should at least, learn how to be somehow calm when I'm with him, right? I need to learn how to silence my nervousness when he's around.

"I wanna know..." mahina kong saad sa kanya. My hearbeat rose faster when I caught how one of his brow shot up with interest and his lips formed a smirk.

I felt myself blush because of the kind of attention I'm receiving from him.

"What..." Kinalma ko ang sarili. "What is life in the perception of a 25 years old man?"

Mabilis na umangat ang kanyang dalawang kilay. His smirk became a smile then I heard his low chuckle.

"Pano mo nalamang 25 years old na 'ko?"

I gasped. Mas bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko at agad akong umiwas ng tingin. Ramdam ko ang init ng aking mukha pero nanlamig ang mga kamay ko.

Hala!

Ano ba naman, Sey! Nakakahiya talaga 'yang bibig mo! Kaya dapat hindi ka talaga nagsasalita!

"Ah... ano..." lumingon ako sa kanyan ngunit hindi ko nagawang diretso siyang tignan. I immediately look away again. "H-hula lang..."

I unconsciously tapped my finger continuously on my right leg.

Humalakhak siya. "Fucking cute."

My lips parted and I immediately gaze at him. Nag-iimagine ba ako? Nagkamali ba ako ng rinig?

"H-ha?"

Mama! Gusto ko na umuwi! Sobrang nahihiya na ako...

"Someone did her research huh..."

My internal brain is already screaming for me to run or someone to please magically steal me away from this situation. O kaya gusto ko nalang ipakain ang sarili ko sa lupa!

"Hindi!" medyo napalakas ang aking sigaw kaya agad akong napatungo. "I m-mean... ahm..."

Humalakhak siyang muli. "It's okay. Naiintindihan ko naman..."

Noong saglit ko siyang tinignan ay nakita ko ang kanyang ngiti at tuwa sa kanyang mga mata.

"Shall we go back to your question?" tanong niya.

Ngumuso ako at tumungo. Hindi ko na ulit binalik ang tingin ko sa kanya. Mas naging abala ko sa pagse-sermon sa aking sarili at pagpapakalma ng aking mga tumataas na emosyon.

"Life is a forever question of what life is."

Unti-unti muli akong napatingin sa kanya. This time, siya naman ang hindi nakatingin saakin. He kept his eyes in front of him. Ganon pa din ang posisyon niya katulad dati, yon nga lang ay nakaharap na at magkasalikop ang kanyang dalawang kamay.