New Beginnings: A Hessa Story (2)

Chapter 9: Tessa

"Well, let's go!" Nora takes Kim and me by the arms as we walk a couple blocks to the restaurant.

"Hey, Jess. You have our table?" Nora walks up to Jess, and she nods.

"Follow me." Jess guides us to a table all the way in the back.

"Thanks so much." I thank her.

"No problem. You know, for someone who doesn't work here anymore you sure do come here a lot." She laughs, and I never thought about that. I haven't been to a restaurant besides Lookout in months. I guess it's just easy to get a spot here since I used to work here, and Hardin has taken me here a couple times, and I have seen Robert here as well.

We sit down and order a whole bunch of food, definitely more than the three of us could ever eat, but Kim claims she'll be able to finish everything we don't.

"So, are you excited for your big day tomorrow?" Nora nudges me when she notices I'm staring off into space.

"Yeah, I am." So many people keep asking me that.

"Why doesn't that sound convincing." Kim crosses her arms, and leans onto the table. "Come on, you can talk to us about anything. Fears, doubts... that's what friends are for!"

I look at both of them, and I can tell through their eyes that no matter what I say, they will be convinced that something is wrong.

"Well, don't get me wrong, I am excited to marry Hardin. I want to spend the rest of my life with him more than anything, but..." I hesitate, contemplating whether or not to get extremely personal with Hardin and my conversations. I decide to tell them.

"But I told Hardin that if I lose this baby, then we can't be together." I whisper and avoid eye contact. "I will let him find someone who can give him a child... give him the opportunity to be the great father that I know he could be."

"What!" Nora and Kim both shout quite loudly. "You're joking." Kim smacks my arm while Nora just sits there with her mouth open.

"I can't do this to him anymore. I can't give him what he wants."

"Tessa, didn't we have this conversation when you were in the hospital?" Kim mentions when she told me that Hardin would choose me if he had to choose between me and kids.

"My mind isn't changing. If I do lose this baby and have to leave him, marriage will only complicate things."

"I cannot believe what's coming out of your mouth right now." Nora spits. "Why are you being selfish!"

"What? I am being the opposite of selfish! I am setting him, the man I love, free to be with someone else who can give him a child! You think I want to do this? It breaks my heart, but I can't be the roadblock between him having a child of his own anymore."

"Oh my god, Tessa." Nora rubs her temples. I didn't expect her to be this upset about it. "And what did Hardin have to say about this?"

"He wasn't supportive, obviously."

"Look Tessa, I'm sorry for yelling before, it's just... you and Hardin are made for each other. There is no you 'setting him free' to be with someone else who can give him a child. It makes me mad to see you still continuing to think this way." Nora rests her hand on my arm.

"I know, I just can't stop the guilt for clouding my judgement sometimes."

"So, are you not getting married tomorrow?" Kim rightfully questions me.

"No.." I answer. "I know it doesn't make sense, but I'm just so confused. My thoughts keep contradicting one another. I want to marry Hardin, yet I also know I'm gonna lose him if I have a miscarriage."

"Has Hardin ever given you the impression that he doesn't want to be with you after you had the miscarriage?" Kim asks.

"No, he hasn't." I answer truthfully. "He was really supportive during the whole miscarriage thing."

"So if you plan on leaving him, why get married?" Nora is known for being blunt, but I know she is being this way because she cares for both me and Hardin.

"I don't plan on it. I'm staying positive about this pregnancy and plan on having this baby with Hardin. You just never know..."

"Tessa, we both care about you and Hardin immensely, and know how much it would hurt the both of you if you ended things after everything, no matter the circumstance. Please, don't doubt yourself, Hardin or your relationship."

"You're right." I agree, well kind of. I just say that to get them off my ass about why I am feeling this way. For some reason Nora, Kim and Hardin can't seem to change my mind.

"Well, let's change the subject." Kim claps her hands together. "So, what shows are you guys watching?"

We talk about the Vampire Diaries and whether we are team Stefan or team Damon until Jess comes over with a mountain of food.

"I could've made this better." Nora jokes, causing me to laugh.

"You probably could've, but it's still damn good."

We finish eating dinner, and Kim somehow is still hungry even though we ate an entire day's worth of food.

"Let's just get some cheesecake, please!" She begs, and I nod, unable to say no.

Jess comes back over. "Can I get you guys anything else?"

"Just some of your classic New York cheesecake please." She winks at Jess, who then nods. Weird. Kim does that sometimes though...

"Of course." Jess walks back to the kitchen.

"We should get going soon since the concert starts in an hour." She checks the time on her phone.

"Any word from anybody?" I ask. And by anybody, I mean Hardin or Landon.

"Nope nothing." She turns her phone off and puts it back in her purse.

Thank goodness there is no weird tension between any of us after that conversation.

Jess comes out with a slice of cheesecake for all of us to share, but in her hand is also a sash that says "BRIDE TO BE" and a tiara. "Congratulations Tessa."

"Ta da!" Kim claps. "It's your bachelorette party, you need to have a bride to be sash. Isn't it so cute!" She takes out her phone and begins snapping pics of me. I appreciate the intention that Kim had, but I hate being the center of attention.

"Thanks." I force a smile to be polite, but Nora laughs since she knows how I don't like being over the top with things... well, things that concern me.

We finish our shared slice of cheesecake, and finally head towards the bar.

"So, where is this bar exactly?" I ask Kim, hoping she'll give me some information.

"Well, it's not a bar per se, it's more of a club with live music."

"Oh, why didn't you just say so?" I'm confused on why Kim would lie.

"I just didn't want to give any hints, but don't worry. It'll all be fine." She winks, and now I'm extremely nervous as to where Kim is taking me.