Blink Of An Eye

Chapter 9

Olivia chose that moment to walk into the room, and as she took note of the fact that my phone was in my hand, a look of alarm entered her eyes.

"Did you watch the accident?" She asked. Her voice was calm, but I could see the panic in her face.

"No. I'm not sure I wanted to see it." I admitted.

"Good. It's probably for the best you don't." The relief was evident in her voice.

"Why didn't you tell me I was the defending champion. That I had won Daytona last year?" I asked.

"Because we are still filling in gaps. We just haven't gotten to that point yet. I'm not trying to hide anything from you Ryan. Your phone has been in my purse since they gave it to me at the hospital and I had not even given it a second thought. I'm trying to not overwhelm you with too much all at once." She sounded defensive.

I sighed. "I know Livvy. I'm just trying to put the missing pieces of my life back together. There is so much I want...need to know. I need you to tell me more."

She looked thoughtful for a moment. "How about I show you instead?"

"Please." I practically begged.

"I'll be right back." She said, then disappeared for a few moments. When she returned, she was holding an iPad. She sat down on the bed next to me and opened the tablet and began scrolling. It was filled with photos of she and I, our families and friends.

The first photo was taken on a beach. Most likely an off season group vacation. I recognized my friends and sisters. There was also a blonde and a brunette with Chase and Alex, so I assumed they were her friends. God it was so strange seeing Alex in one of our group shots.

There were photos of us taken on race day, posing with our friends. Photos taken at the house with Sturgill. More family photos. Emma with a baby who had the most awesome, crazy blonde mullet...my nephew Louie.

She came to another photo of us in victory lane together. I did not recognize my firesuit or sponsor, but I could see the words Talladega in the background.

"This was your first win that we were together." She explained, of a victory lane photo.

"I won at Talladega?" I asked in awe.

"You actually won three straight. You also won two straight at Daytona. You're known as one of the best super speedway drivers."

Needless to say, my mind was blown. Understatement I know, and we were just beginning.

There were more victory lane photos, more vacation photos, then we finally got to the wedding photos. She looked absolutely stunning in her white wedding gown, and I swore I felt something at that moment. Not a memory, but something I couldn't quite put my finger on.

There were even more victory lane photos. How many races have I actually won? I only recall two. There was the victory lane photo from the Daytona 500. What had happened to my team? In the photos, I had Joey's team. My head was spinning trying to wrap itself around everything I was seeing. Never mind, I'll ask later.

There were pictures of Livvy in various stages of a pregnant belly, then finally hospital photos of Olivia and me welcoming Makenna into the world. How? Why can't I remember any of this? One thing I did know is that we looked happy. Very happy and in love. There was an expression on my face that I had never seen before.

The last photo was of her and me, holding Makenna at prerace ceremonies. It was Daytona. Just before my accident.

She closed the tablet. "That's our life in pictures." She said softly. I could see tears brimming in her hazel eyes.

"We look very happy together." I said in almost a whisper.

She smiled sadly. "We were." Then a tear escaped from her eye and rolled down her cheek.

"I'm sorry Livvy. I truly am. I want to remember, but I just...I don't."

"I know Ry. I love you." She said softly, in almost a whisper, and I honestly had no idea how to respond. What could I even say? I didn't even know how I felt about her. I felt something. I know there was genuine affection for an old friend, but I wasn't sure if it was love or not. The woman sitting next to me was practically a stranger.

"Livvy...I..."

"It's okay. I don't expect you to say it back, or to even say anything. I just wanted you to know that. We just need to give it time and hope it all comes back." She stood up to leave, but not before I noticed another tear slide down her face. I grabbed her hand and pulled her next to me. I hated how much she was hurting. How much I was hurting her. She did nothing to deserve this, but I had no clue how to make any of it better.

"Thank you for everything you have done. You've been by my side through all of this. I know I haven't said that, and I should have, but just know that I really appreciate you." I said.

"You don't have to thank me Ry. Where else would I be than by your side?"

I took her hand and squeezed it. "As difficult as this is for me, it has to be just as difficult for you as well."

It was as if a dam had burst, and she began sobbing, the tears now freely flowing.

Not knowing what else to do, I wrapped my arms around her, and was surprised at just how natural it felt, like she belonged there. She was a perfect fit. As good as it felt though, I was still confused.

Why the hell was this happening to me?

She sighed contentedly, and I felt her body begin to relax against mine. "This feels nice. I've missed this so much." She said softly. Indeed it did. I knew then for sure that I definitely felt something. But was it love? Attraction? Or was it just affection? Comfort?

I'm not sure exactly why I did it, but I pressed my lips to hers. It wasn't a passionate kiss by any means, but it was sweet. Her soft lips began to move against mine, and after a brief moment, I pulled away. I would have liked to keep going, but although I felt something, I wasn't there. At least not yet.

The moment suddenly felt a little more awkward. I cleared my throat. "What time is everyone coming by tonight?"

"Later. Around six." She replied.

"That's a few hours away. Why don't you take a nap. Get some rest." I suggested.

She shook her head. "I can't. Makenna will be up soon from her nap, and I told everyone we would have dinner, so I need to get on that."

"How long has it been since you've gotten a good night's sleep?" I asked. She shrugged, which led me to believe it had been a while, so I continued on. "So what's keeping you from sleeping? You are obviously exhausted." I asked.

"The last good night's sleep I can remember was probably the night before the race. I dozed here and there while you were in the hospital, managed a few hours the couple of nights I went back to the hotel." She admitted.

"Livvy, that's not good. I get that you feel the need to take care of everyone else, but you have got to take care of yourself first." I gently scolded her.

"I know. Everyone, especially my mother has told me the same thing, but I can't seem to shut my brain off. I'm scared Ry." Her bottom lip quivered, and I sensed she was about to start crying again.

"What are you so scared of?" I asked.

"That I'm going to wake up and lose even more than I already have."

Damn. What the hell do I say to that?

"Promise me you'll at least try." I finally responded.

"I promise I'll try, but no guarantees it'll happen." She said.

"Well, you'll try. That's something at least."

Before either of us could say anymore, a cry emitted from the baby monitor in Olivia's pocket. Makenna had awoken from her nap, and Olivia was already heading to the baby's room.