The Bad Boy is Back (Book 2)

Chapter 10: I Couldn't Save Him

My eyes were stung with tears.

The feeling of the night was rushing back to me, something I’ve avoided since it’s happened.

                “I couldn’t save him.” Scott said with a voice much stronger than before. “I’m sorry, Noah.”

I was trying not to completely break down.

How could I easily believe him?

I couldn’t even answer that. For some reason I do. It’s probably stupid—actually, it is stupid. Then why am I sucking up every word he’s saying? Because a small part believes him. “He told me about your fight.” Scott muttered. “He wouldn’t hurt himself, Noah.”

My eyes instantly flicked up to meet his. “How do you know?”

                “He was fine when I left. Before he fell asleep, he said he would call you tomorrow because he felt like shit about what happened.”

My breathing slowly became more rapid like I was looking for a breath I couldn’t find. Like I couldn’t find enough breath in the first place. “I-I need to g-go.”

Everything felt like a blur as I stood up. In slow motion.

                I heard Scott’s muffled voice calling my name before I slammed the front door shut and stumbled to my car. I let myself focus long enough to hurry up and start my car. Scott came running out as soon as I backed out of the driveway.

                I wasn’t in shape to drive, but I managed through my raged breathing. I had no idea where I was going, but I couldn’t stay there. I needed to be alone with my thoughts. I already wanted to cry, but even that doesn’t feel satisfying.

I found myself parked outside the cemetery only a few miles from where Jesse used to live.

                I bit down on my fist and squeezed my eyes closed. My mind was clouded by these oppressing thoughts I didn’t want to have anymore. The feeling of losing my best friend all over again stabbed me in the chest like a knife. The feeling of someone so important to you being ripped away from you without any warning.

There’s no way to prepare yourself for any loss. And the loss of Jesse is something I’ll never be over.

                I hurried to wipe away the tear on my cheek and climb out of the car. I took a deep breath and raised the hood of my jacket over my head. I ducked my head a little and walked down a sandy and grassy path. For some reason or another, I knew where I was going. Even though I haven’t been here since the day of his funeral.

                My feet came to a halt in front of Jesse’s memorial. I looked around, only spotting a small service a ways away from me and another person taking care of maintenance around the cemetery. I kneeled down onto the fresh cut patch of grass and looked up slowly.

                “Jesse Hale. Beloved brother, son, and Friend.” I read softly to myself.

Why didn’t this feel real?

None of it did.

I didn’t feel this bad when it first happened. Now it feels like everything is crashing on my shoulders. I’m being pushed down by emotions. Way to many emotions I’ve been holding back for two years. “This isn’t fair.” I mumbled.

                I let myself cry.

                Not for myself but for my best friend.