Claire has made it a past time of trying to end her life. she has struggled to manage the outcome, whether it is death at her own hand or find answers and live, and it is time to choose one or the other. To Claire. Death seems like a rational soluti...
How many times have you thought about killing yourself? One, two, ten? Every single day? It must have crossed your mind at some point. Wishing you were dead or had never been born, are both suicidal thoughts by any other name. So, if you said you've never once attempted suicide or at least thought about it - you're lying to yourself. Suffering, pain, and doubt were the first things many of us learned; so why wouldn't we at some point want to wish ourselves dead? With all the pressures in life and setbacks along the way, for many, "checking out" a little earlier than scheduled seems like a practical alternative
Many have convinced themselves that there are no rainbows left in the sky, and the greener grass on the other side does not exist. Others lost someone so close it seemed pointless to go on without them. Regrettably, everything that has been cited is reason enough for some to end their life. But wait, there is one more; the ultimate and final gotcha. Their shift was done; it was time for someone else to take over. Some will read this and know what I mean and some others won't.
I have had my fair share of suicides in my life; distant relatives, friends, and acquaintances. One hit too close to home: the death of my sister. It was very painful and came without warning. And I learned the hard way about suicide first hand. I recently turned 30 and at a point in life when people around my age are not dropping like flies. But some of them were sick and dying and the rest are buying centrum silver by the case to prolong the inevitable, but suicide, that's a whole new ballgame.
I used to believe suicide was a cowards way out, and others continue to share that sentiment. my sisters death put me on a path of deeper understanding And i hope to shed light on this touchy subject.
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I thought the odds were beaten and deceived myself into thinking lightening never strikes twice, but sadly it truck again; this time, it was my niece. If i had enough cynical presence of mind, i would have brought a lottery ticket. The truth is, i would of sawed off my arm with a dull blade to have talked them out of it. But in reality, and as hell-bent as they were. There were no blades dull enough to stop them. And alas, i don't own a time machine.
Most will leave a dramatic note, or sometimes a voice recording for loved ones. In my sisters case, she wrote three letters. One fo whoever found her (she went to a nearby lake and shot herself in the chest) the second letter was for the police, exonerating her spouse for having anything to do with it. The third letter was to her husband that included a lot of crap - most of it lies. "I'll always love you," - she didn't "I didn't mean to do this" - yes, yes you did "take care of te kids." - he did not. She left behind a little girl, five. And a boy, seven. photos of them surrounded her body, and some lay in her lap. i suppose she thought the world would be better off without her, when infact, it isn't. whatever pain she suffered was over in an instant. for the rest of us, it lingers for a lifetime, and at that moment when she blew her heart to smithereens. a piece of mine went with it. i miss her every day.
In death, and i suppose other emotional trauma, the experts say, most experience five stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. when there is a suicide. i believe the first three come all at once. and bargaining doesn't even count. how could it? and last on the list is acceptance. that's a tough one. people rarely pick up a gun and blow there brains out on a whim. it takes an amount of planning, and so it begins. you have already committed suicide in your mind; it simply has to be followed up with a bullet, noose, jump off a sky scraper, whatever; then deaths bitter door swings wide open and welcomes you.
is it a safe bet that almost everyone has had to deal with suicide in their lives. and if you haven't. you'll just have to wait your turn.
my book is a fictional novel based on true and factual events, it is in no way a self help guide. the story and its characters are broken and jagged and the language is raw. but it is real. heck, darn and oh shoot, don't seem to have the same punch as their crude counterparts, so if you are offended. try to get over it. the message is far greater than the language.
