We Can Fly

I'm not the type to fall in love. As the legend Rupaul says "If you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else". My Brother died of suicide in the spring. He was an addict but you could see how much he wanted to change. I loved him even though he never told nor showed me that he loved me . I realized that anyone can love someone but not everyone can love someone back. So I stopped that feeling so I wouldn't get hurt. I took a break from school to have time to process my brothers death and help my parents cope. Today's my first day back to school and I am needless to say "not okay"

I've just arrived at the gate and I can already feel the stares coming from everywhere I turn. My brother killed himself and now I'm getting treated like a fucking superstar... I know my ugly ass does not look like Miss Ariana Grande. "AMBER!!" "AMBERELLA!!" I hear bitches I don't even know hollering my name like paparazzi. I turn my head, making direct eye contact with Beck Santana for a split second. I instantly turned back and headed straight to the office hoping he didn't see me even though I'm a million percent sure he saw me. I hate the idea of some dumb jock with a small dick coming up to me and asking me out just because everyone knows me and he thought I was staring.

I enter the office to pick up the schedule and of course all the courses I requested were not on it but instead of being a Karen and asking for a schedule change, I just went with it because I honestly didn't feel like communicating with people today.

I enter my first class and of course they start my day off with math. I turn my head and see all my old friends but none even acknowledged me. So much for the "friends forever" bullshit. Just when I think my day couldn't get any worse I get approached by Beck.
"Hi" he said with such a soft annoying tone.
"What" I said with my resting bitch face
"I saw you staring at me earlier"
Of course he did. All jocks assume they're special.
"I'm not interested."
"I was going to ask if you were okay" "I guess I can't be friendly" He scoffed and laughed like we were friends.
"I'm fine but I'm just not in the mood to talk to anyone right now"
"Oh because of your brother" He said quickly like he already knows but is genuinely curious.
"That's not the reason at all" It was obviously but I continued with "But if it was, that would be a shitty way of wording it." I looked forward firmly and a Miracle happened. The teacher began teaching. I was done talking to him.

"Mr. Santana, Please be seated"
He looked at me, Looked at the teacher, Then sat down.
As he sat down, a tear fell from my eye when I realized that the only person who somewhat cared is the one person I didn't want to know.
The teacher saw me and assumed I was having a mental breakdown over my brother.
She walked towards me and whispered," Have some time outside Ms. Clarke"
"I'm fine" I whispered back
"I insist" she smiled like she actually wanted me to go. So if I get to miss a whole math lesson and not have homework..
"Okay. Thank you"

I got up and left but I really didn't know where to go or what to do so I just went to the bathroom and I saw graffiti on the walls that said "Jessica's a backstabbing bitch" "Lilly is a WHORE" and a bunch of other shit but I panned my head over and saw what read "Amberella Clarke's Brother Killed himself" I saw it and I noticed that every single piece of graffiti was an insult and that was mine. My brother killing himself is what these high school bitches think is an insult. I saw it as pretty fucking dumb and a reminder. Now every time I go to take a piss, I'll have a reminder ready to ruin my day. The handwriting was really unique so if I saw someone writing with that style I could just beat the shit out of them.

I left the bathroom and went back to class.
Again..All eyes on me. I remembered the graffiti, flashbacks of when I found out about my brother, and the looks everyone gave me. I bursted into tears and ran out to the clinic so I can say that I had a headache or some other dumb excuse.
When I walked in, All eyes on me. I couldn't help how anxious I felt so I told the nurse what really happened. I couldn't leave without parental permission so I called my parents. No answer. Yay me. I stayed in there for about another hour until I was mentally stable to leave. I hoped no one from my previous classes were in any of my other. I literally prayed.
I walked into my next class and I get approached by Beck again. God literally hates me.
"Amber...Right?" He said like he was genuinely confused.
"No. Amberella. You know everything about me except my name. How cute" I said with anger in my eyes and tone.
"Like an Umbrella?" He laughed again like I was entertaining.
"No like AMBER - ELLA" I annunciated so he could pronounce correctly.
"Oh okay UMB-RELLA" he said like he was actually trying but also trying to make me laugh. I found it annoying.
"Fine. Call me Amber if this is how your going to act"
"So... You like Improv?"
"No. I didn't get any of my extracurricular classes I asked for. I don't act." I needed to make sure he knew how badly I didn't want to be here.
"Oh okay well uh... Why were you crying?"
"Because I was sad and when you're sad-" he cut me off.
"You Cry. I know but why?"
"Because I'm having a bad day"
"A bad day?"
"Yes" It was awkward and entertaining hearing him try to care.
"Im sorry about your brother. I really am."
"Thank you" I chose not to be a dick anymore to the one person that cared.
"Here" He gave me an extra set of notes from math class.
"Um thanks but I'm pretty sure I don't need this"
"Just keep it. It was our first memory together and I know the pain you feel. My aunt passed away from cancer 6 years ago and she always said "we can fly" which meant if you're a kid, you go to heaven. If you commit, you go to hell...No offense. If you are a kid that commits suicide, You're flying. Kind of like Peter Pan. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here and I believe that your brother is flying like an angel."
I was confused but smiled
"He wasn't a kid"
"But I don't believe he's in hell"
"So then he's in heaven"
"It's better to think he's still here with you then gone into another life"
I smiled again.
"Thank you for everything"
"You're welcome"

I hoped to see Beck in any of my other classes but it was just those two. I smiled thinking about the good that happened today instead of the bad. He turned my entire day brighter and I couldn't wait for tomorrow.

Hi readersss❤️❤️ if you have any ideas on where to put this story please let me know!
My Instagram is @callivettedaddy or you can dm me here!!
Also sorry if this sucks...it's my first story ! 🙂