Hold My Love

Chapter 73: Redemption

Sienna shakes her head, "stop beating yourself up about it Giovanni. Sophia would be happy that you finally did it and that her kids are no longer in danger".

I tug on my shoulder length black hair, "right now everyone might think we're dead but what about the children? We can't force them to stay in hiding forever. There going to want to go out to the world and when they do people who thought they died would get curious".

Less pats my back, "Right now let's just focus on raising them like normal kids. We can worry about the future when it comes".

I look down at Isabella's dark brown eyes and all I see is Sophia.

***

1 Year later

The past year has been hell for me. Adjusting as a single parent to four kids without extra help for doing laundry and dishes was difficult. I feel guilty when I remember how Sophia practically raised Luca on her own while I chose not to help.

My mother wants to come out here to help and finally see her new grandkids but it was too risky. The whole of Italy thinks I'm dead. If she left the country to come here paparazzi would surely follow her and that would blow my cover.

It already stresses me out Lucia is all alone in New York. I couldn't bring myself to make fake my baby sister's death because that would mean she would have to stop her education. She was going to med school in a few months, it would have broken her if I stopped her.

We had Sophia's body flown to our House in Tennessee where we buried her in our flower garden. I haven't visited the grave since the burial last year but Luca, the twins, Sienna and Alessandro always come out here to cut the weeds.

Everytime I thought of coming out here bile would immediately rise to my throat. It wasn't until yesterday that I finally have gotten the courage to come here.

It was all God. That's all I can say.

Through the year I embarked on a journey to find this God that Sophia raved over. This God that claims he can heal my broken heart, that he can forgive me for all of my sins-knowing that there was a lot of blood on my hands, this God that has saved my life from all the assassination attempts, this God that still loves me and wants me to go to Heaven.

I smile looking up at the sky, "Heaven...Sophia how is Heaven?"

The wind blows making the flowers and trees sway.

Last night at exactly 3:14am, I woke up sweating from a nightmare. I had been getting them since my first kill and after Sophia's death they got even worse. The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was Sophia's Bible that I always kept on the nightstand. I become enraged, I had read the whole Bible twice in one year and I pray twice a day but still I felt so far away from God.

The kids were over at Alessandro's so I began to scream without care. I asked God where he was when Sophia who served him till her last breath was murdered, where he is now when I'm drowning in pain, I asked him why I didn't die instead, I told him everything that was sitting heavy in my heart and I asked him to reveal himself to me if he was indeed real.

And he did.

That same night, I dreamt I was standing in the middle of a flower field watching Sophia run around holding hands with a man in a white robe. I couldn't see the man's face due to the bright light that was shining through it, but I knew he was Jesus. He let go of Sophia's hand and walked back to me placing his hands on my shoulder. Immediately I feel the heavyweight leave my body. Sophia who had been watching ran back to us with a bright smile and took my other hand. Together we walked towards the rest of the people who had been waiting for us at the top of a hill.

I woke up sobbing and with a strong urge to read the Bible. When I opened it up, it fell open to Matthew 18:12, "If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them wanders away, what will he do? Won't he leave the ninety-nine others on the hills and go out to search for the one that is lost?"

As a shiver ran down my body, It all stared to make sense at that moment. Sophia had to die so that I could find the Lord.

I know without a doubt that if she had never died I would have never been shaken up enough to actually leave the Mafia. I finally understood why Sophia never feared death, she knew paradise awaited her. If I had been the one to died that night, I would have gone straight to hell.

Sophia always said that there was a reason that God brought a person into your life. And now I know that he brought her into mine so that I could find him. Her dying lead me to finally opening my eyes and seriously seeking God for myself. Early today, I got saved and baptised and I have never felt so much peace in my life.

I admit that I had been suicidal before. The guilt was unbearable and truthfully I didn't want to continue on in life without Sophia. If I didn't have my kids to be here for, I know I would have killed myself the second she stopped breathing.

Sophia dying wasn't a goodbye, it was an 'I'll see you later'.

The wind blows again and I close my eyes. I know this is exactly where I'm supposed to be. This is where God wants me. It hurts me to the core that Sophia is not here with me but I know that I will see her in eternity.

"You were right Sophia, nothing on this Earth lasts forever. I pray you fly high my angel", I hold the Bible to my heart as tears spill out. "I promise I'll see you in Heaven mi amore".

I kiss my palm and uncurl it onto the Headstone where her name is engraved.

I'll always hold her love as long as she holds mine.

The End.

I personally think this is the best chapter I've ever written. What was your favorite chapter?

What did you guys want the ending to look like?

This is my first book ever so if it's cringe I apologize but be honest with me, what do you guys think?

And what do you guys want next? (I won't be continuing Giovanni's story because I don't want him with anyone else).

**Since the beginning I knew I wanted to incorporate Christianity in this book and my other/future books. If I didn't make it obvious enough, the message for this book was Salvation. Which Giovanni got at the end. I also knew since the first chapter that I was going to kill off Sophia. I didn't have to but I didn't want my book to have the generic happy ending like all the other Mafia books have. In a way it does have a happy ending because Gio, gets out of the Mafia, finds the Lord and he gets peace. But Sophia is gone which I know is upsetting everyone and their homegirl's.

And for the last time ever, please vote<3

You are loved.

~PersadiaAmore