Tequila Shots

Chapter 9

I finished chewing the food in my mouth and washed it down with a sip of my coffee before replying. "It was a weird one. It didn't feel like a dream but it wasn't real either. I felt like I was awake but wasn't at the same time. Like, I was watching myself run from something."

"Like an out of body experience?"

"Yeah... sort of. The girl in the dream, me I guess, was running from something and then she stops to catch a breath and the thing creeps up behind her. I try to warn her but realize I can't move or talk or do anything. And the thing catches up to her and cuts her. It turns back and I get a look at its face. Bloodshot eyes and the thing had dad's face. Crazy right?"

"Yeah... that's really weird."

"I don't know why I had that sort of dream. I've been so confused as to why that would happen. I mean, it's not like I've been thinking about him or something. And I never have nightmares. I hate that I can't figure it out," I sighed, carrying my plates and my mom's to the sink.

"Could be sleep paralysis," she suggested.

I turned to face her, resting on the kitchen cabinet for support.

"Hmm... Why'd you think it's that?"

"I don't know... it's just a possibility. Not a doctor or anything but I overheard someone talking about it one time. Can't remember where but it sounds kind of similar to what you described. I think it's triggered by stress, lack of sleep, panic disorders or stuff like that and you've been dealing with all of those things these past few days. Ever since you got back, you've hardly slept. You've been overworking yourself. And you've suffered from panic disorders in the past so there's a seventy percent chance it is sleep paralysis."

"Well true. All you said is true," I sighed.

It's been a week since we got back from Raven hill and I've had less than 40 hours of sleep the whole week. I'd been surviving on caffeine and dealing with stress-induced insomnia. I had a deadline to meet and I had less than a week to round up all the meetings and draw up a budget. I wished I had asked for a month instead of two weeks but I couldn't complain. Life had to go on.

"Well, I'm not a doctor so you still need to see a professional. It could be something worse or could lead to a more serious issue and I'd hate to see you fall sick. You literally just moved here."

"Okay, mom." Her concern was rearing its pretty head and I knew it was only seconds until she made me promise.

"Promise me you'll go to the hospital," she looked me straight in the eye.

"I promise, mom. I promise I'll go, okay? You can stop worrying now," I smiled. "They'll probably prescribe a few medications for stress and insomnia and I'll be fine after that."

"Okay. If you say so," she replied but I could tell she just wasn't convinced.

"Well, speaking of seeing people, I think I might go visit dad," I did a full 180 with the topic of discussion and I watched her face so as not to miss her reaction to my statement. She remained calm and her face was blank.

"Okay. But why all of a sudden?" she asked.

"I thought you said I could go if I wanted to?"

"Of course. You're an adult and it's your choice to make. All I asked was why you wanted to go all of a sudden."

"It's not sudden. In all honesty, I've been thinking about it for a while but I just didn't mention it and with all that's been going on with planning the wedding and stuff, I just haven't had the time to go so I didn't think it was necessary to bring it up. But I might be going to SilverLake for a meeting so I might as well pay him a visit while I'm there. I know he's in SilverLake county jail."

"So you have been thinking about him," she smirked.

"Not thinking about him and all that happened in the past. Just thinking about if I was ready to go see him or not."

"You can't choose what memories your mind processes, Sam. Anyway, that's where he is. Call me when you get there and be safe, honey."

"Be safe from what? He's in jail, mom. He's practically harmless."

"I don't know. Just be safe is all I ask. I didn't ask for too much now, did I?"

"No, you didn't. I have to leave in less than an hour so I'll go finish getting ready."

"Okay, honey. I'll be in the garden if you need me."

I went up to my room to finish getting ready for the day. I just had to make up an excuse to leave. I knew I had to end the discussion before it progressed into an argument. I could tell she was still scared of him even after many years of separation. I couldn't blame her. I wasn't free of my anxiety just because I had decided to go see him. It was there still. I could say it had doubled. But I knew I had to go one of these days. I knew Gray visited him from time to time. He just never talked about it so as not to upset mom. I was tired of wondering about him. Wondering what he looked like, what he sounded like, what he smelled like, how grey his hair would've become, how wrinkled his hands would be. I needed to see how time had transformed him. How being in isolation had given his life a makeover. I just had to see for myself what he had become.

I finished getting ready for the day. I packed my bag and filled up my travel bottle with water, very important. I looked around to make sure I had all what I needed before going down the stairs. Louis called a few minutes later to inform me he was outside the house. He was the driver Drew assigned to take me to my meetings and appointments. On my way down, I remembered I had forgotten the envelope that had all of the documents I had prepared. I went back to pick it up but I couldn't find it.

"Mom!" I called out.

"What?! I'm in the garden!" She yelled back.

I went out into the garden and as usual, she was bent over, scraping something. She looked up when the door squeaked from me sliding it open.

"What's wrong, honey? You need something?"

"Yeah... Did you see a brown envelope on the kitchen table?"

"Uhm... I don't think so. We just had breakfast there and nothing was on it this morning. Why?"

"I have a meeting today and it contains all of the contracts I prepared. I'll be late if I start printing another set. I've looked in all the places it could possibly be but I can't seem to find it anywhere and I need them urgently."

"Oh... Did you look under the couch? In those drawers? It could have fallen off the table or something."

"Really? I'll go check that out now,"

"If you still can't find it, let me know. I'll come help you look for it."

"Okay. Thanks."

I went back into the house and looked under the couch but it wasn't there. I was slowly losing my shit. It was just my mum and I in the house and an envelope definitely didn't have legs to move around so how on earth did it go missing. And there was no way a burglar would break into our house to steal an envelope full of useless papers. Maybe not useless but it was useless to them. I decided not to bother my mom and went back up to my room to search for it. I breathed in and out to calm my anxiety and then began to look in places I already looked before. Then I found it. Right there, sitting still and pretty on my work table, under my laptop. And then it dawned on me that I had moved it back to my room the previous night to add a couple more papers and had just left it on my work table. I pinched myself as a form of punishment for forgetting. I hardly ever spaced out or lost concentration. I really was stressed.

"Hey... you didn't call for me. Found it yet?" I looked up and in the direction of where the sound came from to find my mum standing just outside my open door.

"Uhm... yeah. I had brought it up to my room last night. I wanted to add a few more documents to it."

"Glad you found it," she smiled. "All set to go?"

"Yeah. Louise called a few minutes ago. He's outside waiting."

"Alright, honey. Have a lovely day and goodluck with your meetings. See you later," she kissed my cheek. "Love you."

"Love you too, mama."