The Desires of The Heart

Shared Agony

It's been a couple days, and things aren't looking good... Bella has been having the beginnings of night terrors, and it's exhausting everyone in the house, especially my dad. She also hasn't really said anything to either of us, and I've even been going out of my way to talk to her.. I'll admit, it's been hard without Jasper, something my heart believed we wouldn't have to deal with again, but I'm working with it. Having contact with him helps tremendously, but it is still painful.

Today was another early morning as Bella was screaming in her sleep, waking Dad and I from sleep and I have yet to fall back asleep. Another toss and turn, as I huff realizing I won't be able to go to bed anytime soon, when my phone suddenly buzzes with a text message.

Jasper: Hello darling. How are you? I miss you deeply.

I smile at the simple, but sweet text and my heart flutters as I hear his accent when I read darling. Getting comfortable as the house goes quiet for a while, I respond. Realizing our communication while being separated will be easier this time around, texting makes me think of instant letters.

Soph: Hello love, I'm doing alright. How are you? I too miss you dearly.

Jasper: How come just alright? I'm hoping to make a get away to come and see you soon.

My heart flutters at the potential promise of Jasper coming back and being able to see him again, even if it's just for a little while. I fill him in on everything going on with Bella and how it's affecting my dad, which he sympathizes with explaining that Edward isn't even with them–that he's been gone from them since they left Forks.

Over the next couple months, I try my best to connect with Bella, to see if there was any way to help her, and each time I was denied. Her friends would call the house in attempts to talk to her, to see how she was doing and each time Dad or I would have to tell them that she still wasn't talking to either of us and not able or wanting to leave the house. I could hear the frustration in her friend Jessica's voice and disappointment in Angela's, but I give them kudos for trying to get something, anything out of Bella, but as we make it to December, they stopped trying--stopped calling. 

Weeks go by and Jasper and I have spoken on and off the phone, Bella still having her night terrors, and I've tried being the supportive, nice sister but nothing seems to work and she wants nothing to do with any of us. So I've stopped trying, much to my dads disappointment, but nothing works and I'm not going to keep trying when she keeps rejecting me. As it moves closer to Christmas time, I become more restless.. wanting to see Jasper as been my only wish this season, and unfortunately I can't say much in order to avoid Bella's depression. I feel selfish, but when looking at the bigger picture, I've already lost Jasper once and it also nearly destroyed the both of us. So yes, I have a bit of sympathy for my sister, but I also don't believe in how she is treating my father and myself. 

One morning in December, after spending some well needed time with my father for the both of us, I head up to my room bypassing the vacant look of Bella, to find my window partially open and a single white lily with a note at the foot of the bed. My heart leaps in my chest, knowing that the only possible person to know my favorite flower and deliver it like this would be Jasper. I unfold the piece of parchment, a smile spreading across my lips as I read his elegant handwriting, one I've missed for over one hundred years. 

Darling, How I have missed you these last couple of months, and I'm very excited to have been able to come back, even if it's just for today. I don't have a lot planned for us, but if you will meet me at the house, we can begin our time together. I love you. 

My smile grows wide, quickly placing the flower in a glass with water I then change into a warmer outfit and make myself look halfway presentable. Grabbing my bag and my keys I head downstairs, to find my dad before I leave for the day. 

"Dad? I'm heading out for the day." I say as I enter the living room seeing him watching the football game of the day, and he gives me a sad smile. 

"You deserve it sweetheart. I'm sorry things have been so rough lately."

"It's not your fault Dad. We are just trying to get through it." I wave off his apology, hoping to reinforce the fact that none of this is his fault and he can't make Bella better if she doesn't want to get better. 

"I know. Love you squirt." 

"I love you too Dad."  

Grabbing my keys, I shut the door behind me and make my way quickly to the car, thankfully avoiding the ice on the driveway and begin to warm up my car. My legs bounce in anticipation, my heart swelling. I haven't been this excited in a very long time, but I have to remember, I haven't seen Jasper in about four months. As my car finally heats my frozen toes, I pull out of the drive and begin my drive to the Cullen's--which is weird to think about. I haven't driven the familiar roads in months.. It makes me wonder if the house will look abandoned or if their stuff is still there and they are just taking an "extended vacation" until Edward gets his crap together. 

That thought makes me roll my eyes. 

I still don't understand why everyone else has to suffer because Edward can't handle his emotions or whatever it is he's dealing with. Yes, I understand Jasper lost control for a minute and yes, he almost could've hurt Bella and myself, but if you take someone out of an environment they are trying to get used to, it can cause more damage later on than if we were to just work through it. Jasper feels terrible about that night and how he lost control, ashamed even. I believe that if he can handle himself around me, after time and limited exposures or making sure he has hunted recently, it can be managed. I believe in him, and I believe in our ability to remedy this. I finish these thoughts as I pull into the gravel drive, and see Jasper's motorcycle parked in the garage, and my excitement returns making my heart beat faster. 

I quickly turn off my car, locking it out of force of habit and head towards the front door, having care not to walk too fast on the icy patches. I finally make it to the front door, and before I can even knock, the front door is opened and there stands my handsome solider, a large grin spread across his fair face, showing off dimples on either cheek. 

"Hello Darlin'."