The Little One with Green Eyes

24: Her Dying Wish

But even then, she was beautiful.

Severus sighed, cursing himself internally as he walked forward into the bar. The sounds of the Hogshead assaulted his ears instantly, and Severus resisted the urge to cover his ears against the loud talking, yelling, singing and laughing that accompanied the drunk customers. He chose to grit his teeth and walk briskly to the table where she sat.

Despite himself, Severus found his face softening at the sight of her. Even with everything going on, Severus couldn't lie and say he didn't miss her. He always missed her. Had never stopped. (Something told him he'd never stop.)

She smiled at him and stood to greet him. Severus found himself pointedly looking away from her bulbous belly and chose instead, to accept her handshake. A small part of him winced at the formality between them.

"Sev," she said softly. His chest tightened at the familiar nickname and the fondness in the words. "I didn't think you would show."

"Neither did I." Severus said gruffly, sitting down in the chair across from hers. She sat down slowly, and smiled at him warmly.

"How have you been?" she asked him, her emerald eyes searching his. "Are you okay?"

Severus found himself wishing that he could let this continue. That he could just relax into the worn chair and allow her to worry about him like she did in Hogwarts. Wished that he could pretend, if only for a moment, that everything was as it used to be before the war tore them apart.

And for a brief moment, he did. He indulged himself and closed his eyes, allowing himself to believe that they were back in Hogwarts, just sitting in the Hogshead, hiding from the teacher's view as they talked about school and bullies and enjoying each other's company.

But then that brief moment was over, and Severus found reality crashing into him like a tidal wave. He sucked in a harsh breath and opened his eyes, allowing them to narrow dangerously at the woman he loves.

"Why am I here, Lily?"

Lily sighed and nodded, a finger coming up to play with her hair nervously. "I needed to see you." she answered. Severus's face screwed up with disbelief.

"Don't lie to me," he said harshly. "Does your husband know you're here?" It's cruel and he knows it, but the alternative was to let Lily continue to claw at the remains of his heart, and that was something Severus just couldn't allow.

Lily's face hardened. "I am my own woman, Severus." she said. "James doesn't need to know where I am every hour of the day."

"So that's a no, then," Severus snarked. "Best run along before Potter and the gang march in to arrest the slimy Death Eater."

"Damn it, Sev! Can't you just ignore the war for ten bloody minutes and listen to me?!" Lily cried, blowing a harsh breath of air out of her lungs in her frustration.

Severus stared at her in surprise, his eyes widening ever so slightly. This was when Severus really looked at her. His earlier assumption of exhaustion seemed to be a bit of an understatement. Lily looked to be one foot away from running herself into the ground. Lily let out a weary sigh and all but slumped back into her chair.

This position highlighted her swollen belly, and for a moment, Severus allowed himself to wonder how different things could have been had he not made that mistake in Hogwarts all those years ago. Would he have joined the Dark Lord's ranks, still? Or would he have joined the light, married Lily as he wished. Would she then be swollen with his child, not Potter's?