Cry Until You Bleed

27- Panic Attacks

When we approach the entrance to the park, Henry speaks up.

“Are you sure you should go through there? Maybe you should just go around,” He suggests.

“I don’t have time, I’m already so late. Thanks though, have a good night,” I say, hurrying down the sidewalk that leads into the darkness of the park.

The only sound in the air is the sound of my platform heels clacking against the sidewalk and my labored breaths. Well, they aren’t my heels- I stole them from my mom’s closet because they look really grown up and I like them. The boys at the party seemed to like them too.

Checking the time again, I start to walk faster- as fast as I can in these heels. I know that I’m probably just being paranoid but I feel a shiver of fear run up my spine as I speed walk down the sidewalk of the empty park. It’s 12:26 now so my only hope is that I get home as fast as I can and hope that my parents stayed late at whatever event they were at tonight.

I hear a twig snap to my left and I let out a gasp because I’m so on edge but I tell myself that it’s nothing. Probably a squirrel. Then again, that’s what everybody in horror movies says and then they end up dead. I don’t have anywhere to go though, so even if I did think it was a big bad monster, I just had to keep going forward. I was about halfway through the park. I can do this. I’ll be home before 12:40 and everything will be fine. I probably won’t even get in trouble since I’m not drunk or anything. Then again, I am still grounded so I’m sure that’ll piss my dad off, that I broke his rules.

Holding my phone in one hand and the lit cigarette in between my fingers, I hold it to my lips and let out another long drag as I keep speedily walking, just wanting to get out of this park now.

I hear footsteps but I look over my shoulder and I can’t see anything. In the park, there aren’t any lights or anything so I can’t really see that far in any direction. The moonlight is just enough to show me the sidewalk’s path to get me out of the park. I start to walk even faster, feeling serious dread run up my spine now even though I’m still trying to tell myself that I’m being paranoid. Things don’t actually happen in dark parks, that’s just how it is in the movies. I’ll be fine and tomorrow, I’ll laugh about this with Grace. Everything is fine.

I keep looking to my left, where I hear the phantom sounds coming from, but I still can’t see anything. That is, until I turn around to face the sidewalk again with the cigarette to my lips and I see a tall man standing there on the sidewalk, only about two feet in front of me, facing me with a wicked grin on his face.

“You’re too pretty to be out here by yourself, darling.”

I wake up from my memory-like nightmare with a loud scream and a thick sheen of sweat covering my whole body. When my throat goes dry because of how badly I’m screaming, I go silent but I’m still attempting to catch my breath when one of the nurse’s rush into my room.

“Ana, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“Nightmare,” I gasp. “I’m fine.”

But it’s obvious to both of us that I’m not actually fine. No matter how much I try, I still can’t catch my breath. I feel like there’s a car resting on my chest, prohibiting me from breathing, and it feels like my heart is going to literally beat out of my chest. I’m having a panic attack and I can’t speak anymore because I can’t breathe but the nurse knows what’s happening so she hurriedly goes into the hallway and returns with a canister of pills. I start to frantically shake my head.

She puts a hand on my shoulder and says, “It’s okay, they aren’t sleeping pills. They’re going to help you relax but they won’t put you to sleep, alright? Do you think that you can take one?”