Meant To Be (Loki x reader)

Chapter forty one - In which Loki opens his mind

What did I do to deserve you?

You half laughed, letting him encase your hands in his.

Do you want to...?

He was referring to you going inside his head. With no filter.

Are you sure?

He nodded. And so, tentatively, you did.

It was dark. So dark. You'd never done this with another person before, but you were sure that if you did it would be drastically different to this. You watched as hundreds of memories played out before you in a matter of seconds: Odin and Frigga, much younger than you knew them, and smiling, Thor as a young boy, as a teenager, as a young man ready to ascend the throne of Asgard. Jotunheim. Loki watched in horror as a Frost Giant held his arm and his skin began to turn blue. Odin telling him that his whole life was a lie. Thor getting stripped of his armour and cast down to Midgard. The Warriors Three and Sif, and then a feeling of hatred and jealously, so strong that it wiped everything else out. The Bifrost, and then he was falling... you skipped forward here, not wanting to see any more than you already had. A feeling of utter loss and detachment. The Tesseract, Germany, The Avengers. New York. Hulk. And then back to Asgard, listening to Odin tell him that his birth right was to die and that he was condemned to rot in a cell beneath the palace for all of eternity. Then Thor, a year later, telling him he'd convinced Odin to let him go to Midgard.

And then there was you.

You handing him a knife and telling him to throw it at you. Falling through the air in the stairwell as Loki realised half a second too late that you weren't going to be able to catch yourself. An unexpected feeling of guilt as he healed your shattered legs. Realising that he could use his magic to escape, and then realising that he didn't want to. You, asking him to come to your initiation after you'd argued. Holding up a block of flats, half buried in mud, your eyes a vibrant shade of purple. The fear he had felt when the team had returned without you and he'd realised you'd been taken, and the need to have you in front of him, to know you were okay. The relief when he'd got you back. Realising what he felt towards you. Hearing Ricci's guard's thought process as he turned the gun towards your retreating figure, and feeling a fear so intense that for a second he was unable to move. Then he was on the floor and you were there, your small hands covering his, panicking, shouting at Nat and then he was telling you to leave him, even though he wasn't sure he could make it out alive. Getting back to the tower alive, and the relief he felt when he'd woken up the next morning and you'd come running. Then Asgard again, but this time his only concern was how beautiful you looked and the fact that you were dancing with Fandral of all people. Jealously, sharp and painful in his chest. The balcony, and then your face was inches away from his and it was happening, until Thor and his idiotic drunken friends arrived. You, pressing yourself against him as you returned to Midgard through the Bifrost. Then Christmas Eve. Nerves, and then everything had been worth it. You opening your mind. Then the last couple of days, last night, and now, you saw yourself through his eyes, messy hair, red rimmed eyes and mascara streaked down your face, but beautiful.

You retreated from his mind, feeling slightly dizzy, feeling Loki withdraw his hands from yours as you did so. When you opened your eyes you involuntarily jerked backwards in shock. Loki smiled sadly, his gaze cast downwards.

He was blue. This was what he really looked like, in his Jotun form. You immediately felt awful and shifted back towards him, unable to take your eyes off of him. His hands were shaking; you could feel how nervous he was. Instinctively you reached out to take his hands in yours, but he drew away from you sharply.

"Loki..." you began sadly, but he shook his head.

"I'll hurt you. Frost bite. You can't touch me like this." he told you, looking at you for the first time. His voice was the same. His eyes were not. They were red. And you couldn't hide your shock from him.

"I don't want any secrets from you. Even if that means..." he trailed off.

"Even if that means what?"

"You know what. That you don't - that we don't..."

"What, you think I can just stop loving you because you have blue skin? If you can put up with me having purple eyes I can put up with... what?" you asked. He was staring at you, returning to his usual appearance as you spoke.

"You just said – you..."

Oh. Well, there was no turning back now.

"Of course I love you." you replied, almost defensively.

He just blinked at you in shock. You waved a hand in front of his face, starting to smile.

Loki? Anyone home?

His expression changed from shock to amazement.

I can hear you so clearly.

I could too when I let you in.

It is better. Like I had a headache I didn't know about and now it's gone.

Your brain was officially fried; you were very hungover, possibly still slightly drunk and mentally drained. Loki looked to be in a similar state. But you couldn't help being slightly bothered that he hadn't responded at all to your unintentional declaration of love.

"I'm gonna go wash all of this off." you told him, referring to the streaks of black mascara which were currently all down your face, "and then I'm going to sleep for the rest of the day."

"Sounds good to me." he replied, getting up with you and tugging his shirt off. You didn't know where to look for a second, before reminding yourself of what had happened last night. Loki seemed to be thinking along the same lines.

"I think it's a bit late for chasteness Y/N." he said, catching hold of your waist and pulling you back towards him. You giggled, turning to see him grinning at you. Unfortunately, laughing came with the side effect of feeling like your head was being split in two while hungover, so you both ceased to do so rather quickly. Suddenly serious, Loki met your gaze and held it.

"I love you too."

You couldn't think of a coherent reply, so decided to just kiss him instead.

Soon you were make-up free, in another one of Loki's tops which wasn't covered in mascara and drinking from the glass of water he'd brought you like you'd been dying of dehydration in a desert for weeks. Which, for the record, it felt like you had.

"Don't ever let me drink again." Loki told you, and you finished your drink and joined him under the duvet, him holding out an arm for you without opening his eyes.

"Roger that. I hope no one was sober enough to recognise you."

"It'll be fine." he said.

"I'm glad you think so." you mumbled, the familiar sound of his heartbeat in your ear as you lay your head on his chest already lulling you back to sleep. It was now 9:15am on the first day of the year.

That was one way to start off your new year, you supposed.